*update: Added to OP* anyone willing to read my "statement of purpose"

[Dear Summer]

it's for a grad school M.S. application for engineering

 

[Newbian]

Let me guess.... 42?

 

[Alone]

Not really.

 

[rudeguy]

sure
dnor86@gmail.com

 

[Leros]

I'm curious to see it just because I'll be doing that next fall.

 

[Newbian]

Originally posted by: rudeguy
sure
dnor86@gmail.com

Woot.... now I know where to send my spam to.

 

[Dear Summer]

Originally posted by: rudeguy
sure
dnor86@gmail.com

is that your real email?

 

[HopJokey]

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: rudeguy
sure
dnor86@gmail.com

is that your real email?

LOL

Edit: I'll read it and give you my feedback.

 

[furie27]

Sure, I'd like to read it. Have to start writing these things myself soon. Email in profile.

 

[Cattlegod]

any reason you don't want to post it in the OP?

 

[Dear Summer]

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
any reason you don't want to post it in the OP?

added to OP


edited out names of stuff for privacy just in case

 

[Dear Summer]

updated

 

[Vehemence]

/facepalm

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: rudeguy
sure
dnor86@gmail.com

For some reason, I found that extremely funny.

 

[mb]

Originally posted by: dNor
/facepalm

Srsly.

Let me guess, OP. ESL?

Even your first sentence is fvcked.

 

[MotF Bane]

Originally posted by: dNor
/facepalm

HAI!

 

[Dear Summer]

bump

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: dNor
/facepalm

Aww dNor you know you love us

 

[ElFenix]

don't they teach kids simple sentences anymore?

never use contractions in formal writing.

 

[rudeguy]

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: dNor
/facepalm

Aww dNor you know you love us

I am pretty sure I got banned for giving out another member's email before. But I'm not sure. I do know that the 2 year statute of limitations has run out on pretty much everything now, so I should be good.

 

[Dear Summer]

Originally posted by: ElFenix
don't they teach kids simple sentences anymore?

never use contractions in formal writing.

it would be helpful if you could take 5 minutes of your time and point out which sentences should be revised

 

[GasX]

I'll be happy to read it for content when you get rid of the elementary grammar errors.

 

[ElFenix]

Originally posted by: Dear Summer

Originally posted by: ElFenix
don't they teach kids simple sentences anymore?

never use contractions in formal writing.

it would be helpful if you could take 5 minutes of your time and point out which sentences should be revised

just about all of them. you don't need complex and compound sentences. using them defocuses your reader.

is there a length limit?

 

[Soundmanred]

Your parents did not have a four year university? How odd...
There are OVER 9000 things wrong with this SOP.

 

[Cattlegod]

Get rid of the first two paragraphs. They are irrelevant. The last paragraph is the purpose of why you want to attend the school. Start with that and expand it to 500 words or so.

edit: and to help you expand on the last paragraph

A - Intro Paragraph

[body]

1 - State what a product development manager is and why a master's degree is necessary.

2 - State what up to date tools the school will give you and how they will help you be a better product development manager.

3 - State why the school you are applying to is the correct one for you.

[/body]

B - Exit summary that ties your intro and the body together.


Do all of this in 500-750 words and you should have a solid statement of purpose.