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Uh oh, my child bribery might be backfiring

J

Jeraden

Platinum Member
So my son has been behaving pretty badly in school recently (Kindergarten). He's had notes sent home repeatedly that he's talking in class and not paying attention. So, in an effort to get him to try to be good, I resorted to bribery. They have this reward system at school where they start off the day with 3 blocks on their desk. Everytime they do something bad, the teacher takes a block away. If they lose all 3 blocks, the teacher sends a note home. So if I'm getting notes every couple days, he's losing a TON of blocks.
So I made a deal with him. He's really into lego star wars right now. I told him if he can go an entire week without losing a single block (which to me seemed like an almost impossible feat since he always loses at least one, usually all 3), I'd buy him any Lego Star Wars toy he wants at Toys R Us.
He tells me last night that he hasn't lost a single block yet (monday or tuesday) and he's looking forward to getting the Lego Death Star. Well, just now I decided to look up exactly what the Lego Death Star is.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2402637&cp
OMG! 269.99!!!!
I'm praying he misbehaves this week! Or at the very minimum that Toys R Us doesn't actually carry that item in the store! (I told him it was only good for in-store items, as I remember someone posting about a Lego Millenium Falcon a while back that was $500 and I didn't want him to try to get that one). But didn't realize they had $270 lego star wars items at Toys R Us.

EEK!!!!
 
bah! Owned by your kindergartner!!

what you do is go to the store ahead of time and hide all the expensive ones!!

 
LMAO! You're gonna get pwned by your kid. It's amazing what kids are capable of when they really want something. Good luck! Next time limit the dollar amount. 😉
 
Manufacturer's Age: 16 years and up

Explain the situation to him. While he might be angry for a while, it's better than hoping he'll do bad.
 
You should have gone with the negative reenforcement route. "If I get a note, your gonna get your ass beat!" That method is free 🙂
 
be the adult in the situation and change the rules... you can do that... you're the adult

no kid deserves a $270 toy. Christmas / holidays are exceptions (SOMETIMES).... if he wants that one tell him too F'ing bad, it's too expensive
 
You should keep peices from him, If he is good the next couple of weeks, give him a certain amount of peices per week. Say he's good for one day, give him a 10th of the peices, that way you can stretch it out for atleast another 2 weeks.
 
Originally posted by: Crono
Manufacturer's Age: 16 years and up

Explain the situation to him. While he might be angry for a while, it's better than hoping he'll do bad.
Click to expand...

beat me to it, a perfect out

 
Well, since you set the bar so low, you're bound to be out of $$$ plus he'll return to misbehaving next week. Been there, done that. You'll need to take more drastic measures like taking some of the privileges he enjoys for an extended period of time, at least it worked for my fifth grader when I took his video games away for two months.

You need to teach him the concept of actions and consequences, but most importantly, as others said, stick to your guns. Remember, you are not his friend, you are his DAD.
 
Originally posted by: Quasmo
You should keep peices from him, If he is good the next couple of weeks, give him a certain amount of peices per week. Say he's good for one day, give him a 10th of the peices, that way you can stretch it out for atleast another 2 weeks.
Click to expand...

not a bad idea for ANY lego that's being used for bribery like this
 
In the future, don't make promises unless you are absolutely sure you can keep them. I remember that my dad used to promise me that he would get me stuff for doing well in school (SNES, baseball card collection, etc), but more than half the time he either delayed getting what he promised or he found out it was too expensive and backed out of his promise. I forgave him, but at the time it made me trust him less. It's better not to make promises, but instead reward good behavior/actswhen the time comes, and punish bad behaviour/acts.
 
Originally posted by: Crono
Manufacturer's Age: 16 years and up

Explain the situation to him. While he might be angry for a while, it's better than hoping he'll do bad.
Click to expand...

what age range are the other legos he has? make sure he doesn't have any others that say 16+ or even ones that are for kids older than him
 
Here is the way to deal with a kid like me... its how my parents did, and despite getting detention about 40 times in kindegartin/first grade, I am getting my masters in ECE so I guess they did something right.

Bribery is ok, but make sure he knows, that if he has a Lego Death Star or whatever, and gets a note sent home. He is losing it for a week, no discussion. Whenever you bribe a kid with something, they need to know, that they dont own what you got them. It is conditional on their behavior remaining good for a period beyond the initial phase.
 
Yeah, its my fault for being kind of ignorant, he has a few lego star wars sets, but they were all in the $20 and less category. I had no idea they had such elaborate sets.
He's currently banned from tv/video games since last monday - he gets those back if he gets no notes home through today. (He had been getting notes sent home and throwing them away instead of giving them to us). Which is why he lost those privileges.

Yeah, I saw the 16+, I'm sure I'll end up doing most of the work putting it together anyways. If I do end up buying some super-expensive set, I'll definitely find a way to incorporate continued good behavior in the reward. I like the idea of giving it to him in pieces.
 
TRU dosnt carry that in the B&M but dont browse online or you're screwed.
my 5yr old is obsessed with Lego Star wars also.

I use "Bribes" like that too with my son... here's the trick though. They have to earn that item AND that item can be taken away for bad behavior.
I would STRONGLY suggest against the Death Star anyways. Its a show piece not a toy. Get him the Star Destroyer (small one) for $100. Its designed to be played with and comes with a TON of guys. Complete fun. That or get him Lego Star Wars II for the PC/Xbox... game is INCREDIBLY fun and easy enough for a 5yr old.

On that note, if you do get him the SD, be prepared for 5+ hrs straight of Lego building and lots of rebuilding afterwards as its easily torn apart by little hands 🙂

 
Originally posted by: AnyMal
Well, since you set the bar so low, you're bound to be out of $$$ plus he'll return to misbehaving next week. Been there, done that. You'll need to take more drastic measures like taking some of the privileges he enjoys for an extended period of time, at least it worked for my fifth grader when I took his video games away for two months.

You need to teach him the concept of actions and consequences, but most importantly, as others said, stick to your guns. Remember, you are not his friend, you are his DAD.
Click to expand...

If only the parents of today would concentrate on being parents instead of being friends to their kid.

My dad always told me "Im not your friend, Im not your partner (from Texas), IM YOUR DAD!"
 
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