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U.S. Deploys very special forces to Iraq

N

Nemesis77

Diamond Member
WASHINGTON, DC?Preparing for a showdown with Iraq, President Bush deployed more than 15,000 very special U.S. forces to the Persian Gulf Tuesday.

Bush said the objective of the mission, named Operation Great Job!, is twofold: to force Saddam Hussein to comply with U.N. weapons inspectors currently in the country, and to provide America's very special forces with a positive, rewarding, esteem-building experience.

"With Operation Great Job!, we send the message loud and clear to Saddam Hussein that his longtime defiance of the U.N. and international law will not be tolerated," Bush said. "We also send the equally important message to our own troops that what's important is not whether you defeat the enemy, but that you try your best and have fun."

Added Bush: "Hooray, U.S. troops!"

At a Pentagon press conference, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld expressed confidence that the mission will be successful.

"I have full faith that our troops will do a terrific job in Iraq," Rumsfeld said. "But even if they make a few mistakes, we'll still be very, very proud of them."

Rumsfeld stressed that the safety of America's special forces is his number-one priority. To reduce the risk of injuries, he has urged all U.S. troops to tie their shoelaces "nice and tight."

"Whenever you're in a combat situation, there's inevitably going to be some running involved," Rumsfeld said, "and the last thing we want is for any of our soldiers to trip and fall."

Morale is said to be high among the very special forces, who were flown Monday from Sheppard Air Force Base to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in a squadron of specially modified C-130 "short planes." Upon arriving, the troops were given a thorough mission debriefing by Gen. James Herzog and a butterscotch-pudding snack cup. Each soldier was then issued an AR-15 rifle, three clips of NATO 5.56mm rounds, a combat helmet with a velcro safety-strap, and a fanny pack with his name written on it in black magic marker.

"We are going to win the war," said Pvt. Richie Ammaker of Hagerstown, MD, eating his snack cup with a Capri-Sun juice-pak. "I love to clap and sing along to the music!"

"Col. Gene [Diering] says that if we take out the communications tower in Al Basrah, we can have a pizza party," Pvt. Josh Paretsky of Midland, TX, said. "Pizza party! Pizza party! Pizza party!"

"You're pretty," Paretsky added. "Will you marry me?"

Gen. Thomas Merritt, who is overseeing Operation Great Job!, said the troops are thoroughly prepared for what lies ahead.

"We have gone over maneuvers and protocol in exhaustive detail, and we have all marked down our special targets in our special notebooks," Merritt said. "The soldiers know they are not to wander off from the group. They know they are to use inside voices when in enemy territory. And they know they are to go to the bathroom prior to all ground assaults. This group is ready."

Merritt went on to note that, despite the very special nature of the mission, strict military discipline will be enforced, including mandatory quiet-room "time-outs" for any soldiers who begin "acting out" or displaying inappropriate behavior in combat situations.

According to Secretary of State Colin Powell, the length of the mission depends upon the performance of the troops.

"Hopefully, all will go well, and our very special forces will be back home within a week," Powell said. "But if there are setbacks, such as soldiers losing their keys, having trouble staying on task, or forgetting to take their pills, it could take longer."

Regardless of the outcome on the field of battle, Powell said America's fighting forces will emerge as "big winners."

"These soldiers will have the chance to strike a blow for global democracy and make lots of new friends in the process, so how could they possibly lose?" asked Powell, who noted that every soldier who participates in Operation Great Job! will receive a shiny medal. "This is truly going to be a very special invasion."
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Source!
 
oh...sheesh..for 0.01 seconds i thought it was real...ahahahhahaha wtf....

sigh..people have no lives to do this?..

wait..look who's talking <-----...

🙁
 
This is on the cutting edge of 'win-win' warfare modeled after 'win-win' youth soccer competitions. Losing makes children feel inferior and can often scar them emotionally. In some youth soccer leagues, competing teams score 'pointless goals' and nobody keeps score. At the end of the game, there are no 'winners' and 'losers', everyone is treated like a winner equally. Hurray!

We intend to take 'win-win' soccer to a new level - combat.

 
Just so you guys know, this was taken from TheOnion - TheOnion

Article <--with humorous picture

Edit: ooops, didn't notice the 'source' link NM then. That's what I get for posting at 5 AM.
 
hahahahahahaha


wait, lame
rolleye.gif
 
A helpful note to people who believe everything: The Onion is a news satire site 🙂

I read this last week when it went up, I was laughing through the whole thing 🙂
 
Originally posted by: tcsenter
This is on the cutting edge of 'win-win' warfare modeled after 'win-win' youth soccer competitions. Losing makes children feel inferior and can often scar them emotionally. In some youth soccer leagues, competing teams score 'pointless goals' and nobody keeps score. At the end of the game, there are no 'winners' and 'losers', everyone is treated like a winner equally. Hurray!

We intend to take 'win-win' soccer to a new level - combat.
Click to expand...

Just another way to leave kids unprepared for the inevitable failures that await them in their future
 
Personally I don't see any humor in the 'story'. I don't like people who make fun of people with disabilities It?s juvenile and hurtful to the .one being made fun of.
 
Originally posted by: etech
Personally I don't see any humor in the 'story'. I don't like people who make fun of people with disabilities It?s juvenile and hurtful to the .one being made fun of.
Click to expand...

It's funny because it not politically correct 😛.
 
Originally posted by: tcsenter
This is on the cutting edge of 'win-win' warfare modeled after 'win-win' youth soccer competitions. Losing makes children feel inferior and can often scar them emotionally. In some youth soccer leagues, competing teams score 'pointless goals' and nobody keeps score. At the end of the game, there are no 'winners' and 'losers', everyone is treated like a winner equally. Hurray!

We intend to take 'win-win' soccer to a new level - combat.
Click to expand...

are you serious about the soccer thing, or are you just writing your own satire?
 
The soldiers in that photo appear to be wearing the old style steel pots. They must not be special enough for the new kevlar helmets.
 
Originally posted by: Moonbeam
What's cool is just how closely it parallels Bush reality.
Click to expand...

How do you figure that? Unless you're just another liberal whiner, your statement doesn't make much sense.
 
Originally posted by: Moonbeam
What's cool is just how closely it parallels Bush reality.
Click to expand...

Not really, since Clinton did it first...

And I really can't believe that The Onion would recycle itself. Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that The Onion has been going downhill the past few months?
 
Originally posted by: Derango
A helpful note to people who believe everything: The Onion is a news satire site 🙂

I read this last week when it went up, I was laughing through the whole thing 🙂
Click to expand...
Wait, wait!!

That was a satire??!!

 
are you serious about the soccer thing, or are you just writing your own satire?
Click to expand...
No that part was true.

There was a movement among some organizers of youth soccer leagues to remove the 'competition' from competition, so that there would be no 'pressure' placed upon kids by overzealous parents (fathers, usually) and coaches to 'win at all costs'. You're a winner if you win, but you're a loser if you lose, is 'supposed' to be the lesson that children learn when the focus is on winning and not having fun. Winning means that someone must lose, and while its great to be a winner, what about all the kids who are on the losing team?

What about the children? For the love of God, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
 
Originally posted by: etech
Personally I don't see any humor in the 'story'. I don't like people who make fun of people with disabilities It?s juvenile and hurtful to the .one being made fun of.
Click to expand...

Don't worry, the 'speical' people the Onion is making fun of aren't able to read it anyways.

Edit: I think I'm 'special', couldn't write.
 
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