silverpig
Lifer
- Jul 29, 2001
- 27,703
- 12
- 81
From a post I made yesterday about an article in scientific american:
Einstein's explanation of the wireless telegraph:
"The wireless telegraph is easy to understand. A normal telegraph is like pulling a cat's tail in New York, and having it meow in Los Angeles. A wireless telegraph is the same, but without the cat." Apparently this quote kept Schrodinger awake at night for quite some time.
Einstein's explanation of the wireless telegraph:
"The wireless telegraph is easy to understand. A normal telegraph is like pulling a cat's tail in New York, and having it meow in Los Angeles. A wireless telegraph is the same, but without the cat." Apparently this quote kept Schrodinger awake at night for quite some time.
Originally posted by: silverpig
An engineering student looks at something and asks: "How does it work?"
A science student looks at something and asks: "Why does it work?"
An arts student looks at something and asks: "Want fries with that?"
I heard it this way:
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
More:
Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate one fig one meter per second per second.
On a bathroom wall: E=mc^2. Scrawled below it: next time show your work
Due to inflation - E=MC^4
silverpig
Lifer
- Jul 29, 2001
- 27,703
- 12
- 81
Originally posted by: IcePhoenix
Originally posted by: silverpig
An engineering student looks at something and asks: "How does it work?"
A science student looks at something and asks: "Why does it work?"
An arts student looks at something and asks: "Want fries with that?"
I heard it this way:
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
More:
Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate one fig one meter per second per second.
On a bathroom wall: E=mc^2. Scrawled below it: next time show your work
Due to inflation - E=MC^4
That's probably right then. I heard it a long time ago.
Guy: Hey, girl, I wish I was your derivative.
Girl: Huh? Why?
Guy: So that I can be tangent to your curves.
Girl: Huh? Why?
Guy: So that I can be tangent to your curves.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are told to measure the height of the flagpole on campus.
They bring a measuring tape, go to the flag pole, and start pondering how they will measure the height of this. It's tall and they can't get up there. They think of different solutions and methods, but they just can't agree on a method.
Finally, an English professor drops by, and asks them why they look so puzzled. They tell him of their problem of measuring the height of the flagpole.
The English professor thinks for a second, asks them to hand him the measuring tape, pulls the pole out of the ground, puts it down, and measures it.
When he's done, he returns the tape and gives them the measurement, puts the pole back in and heads off.
The engineer is shaking his head, the mathematician stares into the ground, and finally the physicist says:
"Stupid linguist. We needed the height, and gives us the f*cking length"
Edit: Yay, post 1001... A good one, I think
They bring a measuring tape, go to the flag pole, and start pondering how they will measure the height of this. It's tall and they can't get up there. They think of different solutions and methods, but they just can't agree on a method.
Finally, an English professor drops by, and asks them why they look so puzzled. They tell him of their problem of measuring the height of the flagpole.
The English professor thinks for a second, asks them to hand him the measuring tape, pulls the pole out of the ground, puts it down, and measures it.
When he's done, he returns the tape and gives them the measurement, puts the pole back in and heads off.
The engineer is shaking his head, the mathematician stares into the ground, and finally the physicist says:
"Stupid linguist. We needed the height, and gives us the f*cking length"
Edit: Yay, post 1001... A good one, I think
Two Hydrogen atoms walk into a bar..
..They drive home in a glass...
:|
I made that to diminish your jokes' lamacity (yes that is a word on Friday's) but now I just pissed myself off
..They drive home in a glass...
:|
I made that to diminish your jokes' lamacity (yes that is a word on Friday's) but now I just pissed myself off
CubicZirconia
Diamond Member
- Nov 24, 2001
- 5,193
- 0
- 71
An engineer, an architect, and an artist are set to be executed via guillotine. They drag the artist up to the stand.
They ask him "Would you like a blindfold?"
The artist replies "No."
They ask him "Would you like to lie face up or face down?"
The artist replies "Face up."
So they lie him down and strap him in face up with no blindfold. They pull the rope and the blade falls, stopping an inch above his neck.
Not knowing what happened with the guillotine, the executioners let the artist go.
They bring up the architect. The same questions follow:
"Blindfold?"
"No"
"Face up or down?"
"Face up"
The architect is strapped in face up with no blindfold. They pull the rope and the blade falls, stopping an inch above the architect's neck. They let him go too.
They then bring up the engineer. Same questions:
"Blindfold?"
"No"
"Face up or face down?"
"Face up"
They strap him in face up with no blindfold. As the executioner is about to pull the rope, the engineer cries out "WAIT!!! I SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!!!"
They ask him "Would you like a blindfold?"
The artist replies "No."
They ask him "Would you like to lie face up or face down?"
The artist replies "Face up."
So they lie him down and strap him in face up with no blindfold. They pull the rope and the blade falls, stopping an inch above his neck.
Not knowing what happened with the guillotine, the executioners let the artist go.
They bring up the architect. The same questions follow:
"Blindfold?"
"No"
"Face up or down?"
"Face up"
The architect is strapped in face up with no blindfold. They pull the rope and the blade falls, stopping an inch above the architect's neck. They let him go too.
They then bring up the engineer. Same questions:
"Blindfold?"
"No"
"Face up or face down?"
"Face up"
They strap him in face up with no blindfold. As the executioner is about to pull the rope, the engineer cries out "WAIT!!! I SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!!!"
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
HAHA...I am a love nerd jokes. Its not realy a joke but I love those T-shirts that say "There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who dont."
How about a little holiday cheer in here?
A Mad Scientist Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house,
Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse.
The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed,
The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose.
The oven kept warm the ebola and pox,
I still need to locate my husband's clean socks...
But that has to wait till tomorrow, I know;
My buggies still need that much more time to grow.
When from the kitchen came a massive explosion,
I leapt from my bed in perpetual motion.
Grabbing my lab coat I pulled on my pants,
Struggling into them a sick sort of dance.
With fury and haste I put on a shirt,
Running out of the bedroom on feet black with dirt.
Buttoning my lab coat and donning a mask,
I ran into the kitchen holding an Erlenmeyer flask.
I nearly passed out when the man who I saw,
dressed in containment gear sealed without flaw,
Held high a huge sack with his arm stiff and straight,
I could tell he must have a hard time with his weight.
Through the mike from his suit he said without pause,
"Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, I'm Hanta Claus!"
Over his shoulder he hefted the sack,
We walked into the living room, I offered a snack.
He took it and smiled, placed the sack by my bench,
Instantly I noticed the Clostridium stench.
Brimming with joy, I cried out with glee,
"Did you bring all of these germies for me?"
"Oh yes," said Hanta, "I must show propriety;
By bringing you microbes, I'm saving society.
"You are the only one who loves these diseases.
Therefore I'm glad to oblige who it pleases."
Delirious with excitement I sat by his side
While he gave me a year's stock of microscope slides,
And pasteur pipettes, drug resistant bacteria,
Such as staph, strep and cultures from the genus Neisseria.
The gleam in my eyes caused the house to be lit,
The moment he gave me a gram-staining kit,
Clostridium tetani, perfringens and sporogenes,
Salmonella typhi and Streptococcus pyogenes!
Plus viruses known to produce hepatitis,
Herpes, and rabies, yellow fever and meningitis!
But that was not all, he had parasites too,
Plasmodia, trypanosomes and schistosomes true!
Tapeworms and roundworms, plague-carrying fleas.
How sincerely generous, Hanta did aim to please!
At long last he said he must now go away,
His sled was experiencing radioactive decay.
"Thanks for the presents," I said, shaking his hand,
"They'll keep me off the streets, you understand."
Hanta Claus smiled and bid me goodnight,
Shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good blight!"
A Mad Scientist Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house,
Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse.
The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed,
The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose.
The oven kept warm the ebola and pox,
I still need to locate my husband's clean socks...
But that has to wait till tomorrow, I know;
My buggies still need that much more time to grow.
When from the kitchen came a massive explosion,
I leapt from my bed in perpetual motion.
Grabbing my lab coat I pulled on my pants,
Struggling into them a sick sort of dance.
With fury and haste I put on a shirt,
Running out of the bedroom on feet black with dirt.
Buttoning my lab coat and donning a mask,
I ran into the kitchen holding an Erlenmeyer flask.
I nearly passed out when the man who I saw,
dressed in containment gear sealed without flaw,
Held high a huge sack with his arm stiff and straight,
I could tell he must have a hard time with his weight.
Through the mike from his suit he said without pause,
"Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, I'm Hanta Claus!"
Over his shoulder he hefted the sack,
We walked into the living room, I offered a snack.
He took it and smiled, placed the sack by my bench,
Instantly I noticed the Clostridium stench.
Brimming with joy, I cried out with glee,
"Did you bring all of these germies for me?"
"Oh yes," said Hanta, "I must show propriety;
By bringing you microbes, I'm saving society.
"You are the only one who loves these diseases.
Therefore I'm glad to oblige who it pleases."
Delirious with excitement I sat by his side
While he gave me a year's stock of microscope slides,
And pasteur pipettes, drug resistant bacteria,
Such as staph, strep and cultures from the genus Neisseria.
The gleam in my eyes caused the house to be lit,
The moment he gave me a gram-staining kit,
Clostridium tetani, perfringens and sporogenes,
Salmonella typhi and Streptococcus pyogenes!
Plus viruses known to produce hepatitis,
Herpes, and rabies, yellow fever and meningitis!
But that was not all, he had parasites too,
Plasmodia, trypanosomes and schistosomes true!
Tapeworms and roundworms, plague-carrying fleas.
How sincerely generous, Hanta did aim to please!
At long last he said he must now go away,
His sled was experiencing radioactive decay.
"Thanks for the presents," I said, shaking his hand,
"They'll keep me off the streets, you understand."
Hanta Claus smiled and bid me goodnight,
Shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good blight!"
Q1. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A1. The magnitude of an elephant times the magnitude of a grape times the sine of the included angle.
Guy 1: What do you get when you add 5Q and 5Q?
Guy 2: 10Q.
Guy 1: You're welcome.
Q2. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
A2. You can't do that, a mountain climber is a scalar! (scaler)
A1. The magnitude of an elephant times the magnitude of a grape times the sine of the included angle.
Guy 1: What do you get when you add 5Q and 5Q?
Guy 2: 10Q.
Guy 1: You're welcome.
Q2. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
A2. You can't do that, a mountain climber is a scalar! (scaler)
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