The first one says, "I lost an electron."
The second one says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."
The second one says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar...
- Thread starter FatAlbo
- Start date
rofl
here's one:
an electron and neutron walk into a bar. electron orders a beer, bartender says "that'll be 2 bucks". neutron goes "i'll have the same", bartender hands him a beer. electron says "how come i have to pay and he doesn't?" bartender looks at him and says "for him? no charge"
here's one:
an electron and neutron walk into a bar. electron orders a beer, bartender says "that'll be 2 bucks". neutron goes "i'll have the same", bartender hands him a beer. electron says "how come i have to pay and he doesn't?" bartender looks at him and says "for him? no charge"
Originally posted by: MichaelD
Boooooooooo!! Get off the stage! Booooooo! *throws rotten cabage and tomatoes*
amen
these jokes are pathetic
One night when his charge was at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to
get a cute little coil to discharge him. He picked up Millie Amp and
took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode across the wheat stone
bridge, around the sine wave, and into the magnetic field next to the
flowing current.
Micro Farad, attracted by Millie's characteristic curve, soon had her
field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her
frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage
probe. He inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her shunt.
Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". With his tube
at maximum output and her coil vibrating from the current flow, her
shunt soon reached maximum heat. The excessive current had shorted her
shunt, and Micro's capacity was rapidly discharged, and every electron
was drained off. They fluxed all night, tried various connections and
hookings until his bar magnet had lost all of its strength, and he could
no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With
his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so
they ended up reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.
get a cute little coil to discharge him. He picked up Millie Amp and
took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode across the wheat stone
bridge, around the sine wave, and into the magnetic field next to the
flowing current.
Micro Farad, attracted by Millie's characteristic curve, soon had her
field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her
frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage
probe. He inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her shunt.
Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". With his tube
at maximum output and her coil vibrating from the current flow, her
shunt soon reached maximum heat. The excessive current had shorted her
shunt, and Micro's capacity was rapidly discharged, and every electron
was drained off. They fluxed all night, tried various connections and
hookings until his bar magnet had lost all of its strength, and he could
no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With
his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so
they ended up reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.
Two electron convicts are sitting in a jail cell together.
The first one says, "What are you in for?"
The second one says, "For attempting a forbidden transition."
The first one says, "What are you in for?"
The second one says, "For attempting a forbidden transition."
Nerdy jokes ahoy!
Three statisticians go out deer hunting on a cool fall morning. The three of them are sitting in the deer stand when one of them notices a deer off in the distance. He does a few quick calculations involving the muzzle velocity of his rifle, the effects of air resistance and gravity on the path of the bullet, and then lines up his shot. The first statistician shoots and his shot ends up going three feet to the left of the deer.
The second statistician realizes that the first one forgot to take wind speed into account when lining up his shot, so the second statistician jots down a few quick calculations on his notepad, picks up his rifle and shoots. The bullet ends up going three feet to the right of the deer. The third statistician jumps up and yells "WE GOT HIM!!!"
Three statisticians go out deer hunting on a cool fall morning. The three of them are sitting in the deer stand when one of them notices a deer off in the distance. He does a few quick calculations involving the muzzle velocity of his rifle, the effects of air resistance and gravity on the path of the bullet, and then lines up his shot. The first statistician shoots and his shot ends up going three feet to the left of the deer.
The second statistician realizes that the first one forgot to take wind speed into account when lining up his shot, so the second statistician jots down a few quick calculations on his notepad, picks up his rifle and shoots. The bullet ends up going three feet to the right of the deer. The third statistician jumps up and yells "WE GOT HIM!!!"
Lithium381
Lifer
- May 12, 2001
- 12,452
- 2
- 0
these are GREAT! You fuddy duddies dont' know what you're talking about if you dont' think these aren't the funniest thing all day!
A janitor, an engineer, and a mathematician are participating in an experiment.
The janitor walks into the room, and sees that the trash can is on fire. He notices a bucket of water, so he throughs the whole thing on the fire and puts it out.
The engineer walks into the room, sees the fire & bucket. He calculates exactly how much water he needs, measuers it out, and extinguishes the fire with the last measured drop.
The mathematician walks in, sees the fire & the bucket. He states "The solution exists" and leaves.
The janitor walks into the room, and sees that the trash can is on fire. He notices a bucket of water, so he throughs the whole thing on the fire and puts it out.
The engineer walks into the room, sees the fire & bucket. He calculates exactly how much water he needs, measuers it out, and extinguishes the fire with the last measured drop.
The mathematician walks in, sees the fire & the bucket. He states "The solution exists" and leaves.
A psychologist decides to perform an experiment to find the true differences between a mathematician and physicist.
He puts a good-looking, naked woman in a bed in one corner of the room and the mathematician on a chair in another one, and tells him, "I'll half the distance between you and the woman every five minutes, and you're not allowed to stand up."
The mathematician runs away yelling, "In that case, I'll never get to this woman!"
The psychologist repeats the experiment with the physicist. The physicist starts grinning.
The psychologist asks, "But you'll never get to this woman?"
To which the physicist replies, "Sure, but for all practical purposes this is a good approximation."
He puts a good-looking, naked woman in a bed in one corner of the room and the mathematician on a chair in another one, and tells him, "I'll half the distance between you and the woman every five minutes, and you're not allowed to stand up."
The mathematician runs away yelling, "In that case, I'll never get to this woman!"
The psychologist repeats the experiment with the physicist. The physicist starts grinning.
The psychologist asks, "But you'll never get to this woman?"
To which the physicist replies, "Sure, but for all practical purposes this is a good approximation."
An engineer, a manager, and a tech support person are in a car. The car is going down a steep, curvy road when the brakes fail. It's an exciting ride to the bottom of the hill, but the driver navigates safely to a stop.
The three shaken passengers emerge from the car.
The manager says, "Wow! That was something! We need to make sure this never happens again! I think we should set up a review board and through a process of Total Quality Management and Process Control we can minimize the long term effect of this issue to six sigma."
The engineer says, "No need to do that. Using my pocketknife, I think I should disassemble the brake assembly, isloate the problem, and correct it."
The software tech support person says, "I think we should push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again!"
The three shaken passengers emerge from the car.
The manager says, "Wow! That was something! We need to make sure this never happens again! I think we should set up a review board and through a process of Total Quality Management and Process Control we can minimize the long term effect of this issue to six sigma."
The engineer says, "No need to do that. Using my pocketknife, I think I should disassemble the brake assembly, isloate the problem, and correct it."
The software tech support person says, "I think we should push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again!"
Crap, I guess laughing at these and trying to track the physics of micro-farad's date while reading a computer hardware discussion forum just prooves what a state of geekiness I have reached.
Oh well, hahaha.
Oh well, hahaha.
OK, lets step away from physics and have some math.
Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.
Q: What's purple, dangerous and commutative?
A: An abelian grape with a machine gun.
Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An abelian grape.
Q: What's purple, dangerous and commutative?
A: An abelian grape with a machine gun.
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