After seeing the advert on TV last night featuring an African baby all covered in flies, I phoned the number on the screen straight away to order one. It looks like they work better than those sticky strips you usually hang from the ceiling!
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The administration of this particular elementary school decided to start a more inclusive policy on which words were 'bad' words. Among those initiated to the category was 'suck' (when not referring to the principle of suction). One day a child came up to the teacher to inform her that one of the other students had said a bad word. "What was the bad word he said?" asked the teacher. "I can't say it". "It's okay to tell me, you won't get in trouble for it". "No, it's too bad, I don't want to say it". "Well I have to know what he said in order to punish him. Can you tell me what it is without saying it?" "Well... it rhymes with 'fuck'".
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A guy and a girl are lying in a bed after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself "Man oh Man, I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin". The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?" "Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity". Astounded, the girl replies, "So you really love me?" "Oh God no!" the guy says. "I just got sick of waiting".
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Little Johnny comes home from school and his mum asks him how his day was. To which the chirpy 6 year old replies "Great. I had my first ever fuck!" Disgusted, Johnny's mum sends him to his room until his Dad returns home from work. Half an hour later, his dad is told the story by his mum and is asked to go up to his room to admonish his offspring. He sits down next to the lad and says "Son. I heard that you had your first fuck today. Good lad! Congratulations! When do you think you will get the next one?" To which little Johnny replies "When my butthole stops hurting!"
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There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then the chief surgeon walked in and asked what's wrong? The head nurse replied "We don't know what to do with this baby boy". So the chief surgeon took one look and said "Well it's obvious that you should put him into a mental institution". "Why?" asked the head nurse. "Well" replied the chief surgeon "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts".
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