Tough situation...

[imported_LoKe]

For as long as I can remember, my brother's been an abusing person. Whenever things don't go his way, he'll use physical violence to make it so. He would hit me and my mom, and there's nothing my dad could do about it because he was always at work.

Well, years after, things started to get better. We started getting along and everything seemed to be great. I think this was because he had met a girl, who he's still going out with today. Anyways, about 20 minutes ago we had gotten into a petty argument about some DVD's, or something, and then he starts getting upset. I'm the kind of person who will try to stay as calm as long as I can, but everyone has their limits, right?

Eventually we get to the point where we're yelling at eachother, and my mom's trying to stop us. We're in my room, so I tell him all I wanna do is sit down and forget about it. But he wants to feel like he's won whatever argument, so he pursues it. Then he's pushing me around, and I'm asking him to get out of my room.

He continues and says things like "what are you gonna do about it?" then he starts getting really violent and we start to kind of wrestle. He punched me in the face and whatever a couple times, and I really wanted to hit him back, but he's my brother and I can't.

I know I can defend myself, but I can't bring myself to hit my own family. I don't really know what to do, and my mom's just trying to make sure nothing gets worse at this point. I don't know if I should just leave for a little while, because I know there's no way to get my brother to go.

I don't want to have to call the police or anything...

Cliffs:
- No cliffs, just hit the back button.

 

[DaveSimmons]

He's probably abusing his girlfriend too.

He needs treatment. If he won't get it, he should be locked up so he stops hurting other people.

 

[olds]

He won't respect you till you stand up for yourself.

 

[IronWing]

The day he turns 18 tell him if he touchs you, you call the cops, then do it.

 

[waggy]

I agree with dave on this. odds are he is abusing this girl also.

yeah it definatly sounds like he needs treatment. eventually he is going to really hurt someone bad.

 

[DaveSimmons]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
He won't respect you till you stand up for yourself.

True, I wouldn't normally advocate blunt impact trauma therapy but he seems like an ideal candidate for it.

 

[BooGiMaN]

swift kick to the nuts....each and everytime he acts like a douche.....

 

[BatmanNate]

Why doesn't your father punish him accordingly when he gets home? I couldn't stand by idle if somebody hit my mother, regardless of their physical advantage.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: DaveSimmons
He's probably abusing his girlfriend too.

You have no idea how afraid I am for her. I know he can be an asshole to her, but I don't think he has hit her yet. But I know he'll just get worse and worse and things will get really bad.

Originally posted by: DaveSimmons
He needs treatment. If he won't get it, he should be locked up so he stops hurting other people.

Years ago he left to some treatment place for his temper, after a while he cried to my mom and she let him come back. He was maybe 15 then. It didn't help for very long.

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
He won't respect you till you stand up for yourself.

I'm standing up for myself as much as I can without hitting him. Eventually I won't be able to take much more and things will get...bad.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: ironwing
The day he turns 18 tell him if he touchs you, you call the cops, then do it.

He's 19, going on 20 in a few months. I'm 18.

Originally posted by: BatmanNate
Why doesn't your father punish him accordingly when he gets home? I couldn't stand by idle if somebody hit my mother, regardless of their physical advantage.

He does all that he legally can, and each time my brother acts as if things will get better. It just...doesn't. But next time this happens...I'll do whatever I have to to make sure he stops.

EDIT: To add, my brother has been going to the gym for years now, and though he's still around my height, he's got a lot of muscle on both me and my dad. It's not so much a problem for me, because over the years I've developed some kind of resistance to pain, to a degree. It's not the physical violence that's getting to me, it's everything else.

 

[Skeeedunt]

Originally posted by: waggy
yeah it definatly sounds like he needs treatment. eventually he is going to really hurt someone bad.

Or pick a fight he can't handle.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: Skeeedunt

Originally posted by: waggy
yeah it definatly sounds like he needs treatment. eventually he is going to really hurt someone bad.

Or pick a fight he can't handle.

Over time I've told some friends about this, and they've wanted to "do something" about it, but I wouldn't let them. Maybe it's time I just let them go at it.

EDIT: But there's more to it than that. I'm worried about how he'll take it out on my mom or his girlfriend or someone else.

 

[CrackRabbit]

Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: Skeeedunt

Originally posted by: waggy
yeah it definatly sounds like he needs treatment. eventually he is going to really hurt someone bad.

Or pick a fight he can't handle.

Over time I've told some friends about this, and they've wanted to "do something" about it, but I wouldn't let them. Maybe it's time I just let them go at it.

EDIT: But there's more to it than that. I'm worried about how he'll take it out on my mom or his girlfriend or someone else.

I think Skeeedunt is meaning more along the lines of bringing his fists to a gun fight.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Whoa. I've got a huge bump on the back of my head. Probably from hitting the TV. Or...toomah?

 

[BatmanNate]

Kicking him out of the house or convincing him to join the service might instill some discipline or at least give him another avenue for his agression.

 

[Washoe]

So this happened, about 40 minutes ago? Call the police right now.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: BatmanNate
Kicking him out of the house or convincing him to join the service might instill some discipline or at least give him another avenue for his agression.

Well, when we get a chance to talk to my dad, I'm sure we'll decide it's time for him to move out. If not, I'm leaving.

Originally posted by: Washoe
So this happened, about 40 minutes ago? Call the police right now.

I can't...

 

[Washoe]

Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: Washoe
So this happened, about 40 minutes ago? Call the police right now.

I can't...

Why not

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: Washoe

Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: Washoe
So this happened, about 40 minutes ago? Call the police right now.

I can't...

Why not

He's my brother. We'll try to get him to move out, and that should be enough. I think jail time (oh, and there would certainly be jail time) would do a lot of damage to the others, and his future. He's got a great job and a great girlfriend, he just needs to learn before he screws it all up.

 

[Number1]

Well Loke, your brother need's to move out.

 

[Washoe]

Originally posted by: LoKeHe's my brother. We'll try to get him to move out, and that should be enough. I think jail time (oh, and there would certainly be jail time) would do a lot of damage to the others, and his future. He's got a great job and a great girlfriend, he just needs to learn before he screws it all up.

I totally disagree. I think he needs to learn a hard lesson right now, rather than down the road when he might have kids or a more established career to screw up. If he hasn't learned yet, how is he going to learn? It seems like everyone in your family is just keeping quiet about it and hoping it will go away. Well it's not going to just suddenly go away. You shouldn't wait until next time. I say call the police right now, this isn't something to just hush up about and hope it won't happen again. It WILL happen again because he knows he can get away with it every time. And next time who knows who it will happen to or how bad. NOW is your chance to do something right, for everyone involved.

 

[imported_LoKe]

Originally posted by: Washoe

Originally posted by: LoKeHe's my brother. We'll try to get him to move out, and that should be enough. I think jail time (oh, and there would certainly be jail time) would do a lot of damage to the others, and his future. He's got a great job and a great girlfriend, he just needs to learn before he screws it all up.

I totally disagree. I think he needs to learn a hard lesson right now, rather than down the road when he might have kids or a more established career to screw up. If he hasn't learned yet, how is he going to learn? It seems like everyone in your family is just keeping quiet about it and hoping it will go away. Well it's not going to just suddenly go away. You shouldn't wait until next time. I say call the police right now, this isn't something to just hush up about and hope it won't happen again. It WILL happen again because he knows he can get away with it every time. And next time who knows who it will happen to or how bad. NOW is your chance to do something right, for everyone involved.

We're going to get him to move out. I appreciate your advice, but I can't bring myself to be theo ne to cause all that.

 

[BigJ]

If my brother ever put a hand on me, or anybody else in my family, he'd regret it.

 

[Pepsi90919]

Reno 911!

 

[randomlinh]

Originally posted by: LoKe

Originally posted by: Washoe

Originally posted by: LoKeHe's my brother. We'll try to get him to move out, and that should be enough. I think jail time (oh, and there would certainly be jail time) would do a lot of damage to the others, and his future. He's got a great job and a great girlfriend, he just needs to learn before he screws it all up.

I totally disagree. I think he needs to learn a hard lesson right now, rather than down the road when he might have kids or a more established career to screw up. If he hasn't learned yet, how is he going to learn? It seems like everyone in your family is just keeping quiet about it and hoping it will go away. Well it's not going to just suddenly go away. You shouldn't wait until next time. I say call the police right now, this isn't something to just hush up about and hope it won't happen again. It WILL happen again because he knows he can get away with it every time. And next time who knows who it will happen to or how bad. NOW is your chance to do something right, for everyone involved.

We're going to get him to move out. I appreciate your advice, but I can't bring myself to be theo ne to cause all that.

well, you had better pray it doesn't escalate like Washoe predicts... because that's definitely the path he's going down. And living on his own isn't going to help. That may teach some sort of responsibility, but if he has a temper problem, it's just going to blow up even bigger in the future.