#37.) When a tech comes out to your area, checks your network connection, pronounces it working, please argue with us. We know it couldnt be that you reconfigured your boxes. When the tech tells you he just FTPed a file at 10MByte/sec, ask him how could he do that, since the network connection doesnt work. Then accuse him of lying. This will motivate him to respond to your future calls faster.
Don't forget IT people don't know anything about numbers, because EVERYONE knows 6 comes AFTER 4 
Originally posted by: Marlin1975
Don't forget IT people don't know anything about numbers, because EVERYONE knows 6 comes AFTER 4
Five is a secret.
38.) When someone leaves the company, you are to ransack and steal and "upgrade" your computer with the exsisting employee computer.
39.) Your IT person also knows how to fix the fax, telephones, and coffee machine. After all, we are all moonlighters in small electronics repair.
39.) Your IT person also knows how to fix the fax, telephones, and coffee machine. After all, we are all moonlighters in small electronics repair.
My fav:
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of
professional expertise referred to as crap.
I just got off a call for this one:
40. When you lock your account because you mistype your daughter's name 3 times in a row, make sure and berate the tech that unlocks you about stupid policies. Each of us makes all the IT policies for the entire company and welcome your input.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of
professional expertise referred to as crap.
I just got off a call for this one:
40. When you lock your account because you mistype your daughter's name 3 times in a row, make sure and berate the tech that unlocks you about stupid policies. Each of us makes all the IT policies for the entire company and welcome your input.
#41.) When you put in a call saying the wireless is flaky in your office, IT will respond. When you put in a second call, saying "the wireless in your office is flaky, you never move it but it still fluctuates, and dont send a student this time", IT will send a full timer when available. When you put in duplicate calls 5 times, adding no new information, IT will thank you for making its average call response time go down, since all we are going to do is close the duplicate call immediately, and send a full time staff member, when available. And since you are being a b!tch, you talk sh!t about IT being useless frequently, even while an IT member is in your office fixing your computer after you decided to reconfigure the network settings, you are an a$$hole to the people who do go on calls to help you... well, IT is going to be too busy to take care of your request.
Oh, yeah, the user's office has 4, thats right, FOUR 10/100MBit Ethernet ports. All of them are functional. They are situated on two different walls, in two different housings. This is in a office maybe 15'x15'. The wireless is 802.11b, meaning it is one ninth the speed of 100MBit Ethernet in theory, and maybe 1/20 in practice. And the user's laptop is the only machine in the room, and she never moves it out of the docking station.
Yeah, that user just put in a new call today. I think she has requested us to mount a Cisco 1200 series AP in her office. She never takes her laptop out of the docking station, and the docking station never moves. Yet she demands to be able to use wireless.
Oh, yeah, the user's office has 4, thats right, FOUR 10/100MBit Ethernet ports. All of them are functional. They are situated on two different walls, in two different housings. This is in a office maybe 15'x15'. The wireless is 802.11b, meaning it is one ninth the speed of 100MBit Ethernet in theory, and maybe 1/20 in practice. And the user's laptop is the only machine in the room, and she never moves it out of the docking station.
Yeah, that user just put in a new call today. I think she has requested us to mount a Cisco 1200 series AP in her office. She never takes her laptop out of the docking station, and the docking station never moves. Yet she demands to be able to use wireless.
Office users who demand wireless are retarded. We have network drops everywhere. Just request access to our DHCP process and you can plug in wherever you want. You don't need to sit outside and work/surf. You also don't need to be walking around while you work so just plug into a port. I think they like to say "Ya, I'm on wireless", or maybe they are supersensative to the radio waves flowing around them and really like it.
Yeah, all she wants it for is to tell people that she is on wireless, at least as far as I can tell. Lets just she isnt the most technically oriented person...
I don't know which is more incredible: that that actually happened or that I actually helped them (even though it took half an hour to explain to him how to fix what would have taken me about 30 seconds in person). I guess it goes to show how bad my judgement can get when I'm sick.
Wow, #13 is actually a new one for me. But then, I haven't had to do direct desktop support in a long time.
#17 just HAS to be an HR violation.
Normally, I'd say something like "... ahhh... the memories..." but the drugs are working fine (or so people tell me) and I don't remember too much about that job.
Dave
#17 just HAS to be an HR violation.
Normally, I'd say something like "... ahhh... the memories..." but the drugs are working fine (or so people tell me) and I don't remember too much about that job.
Dave
The only thing that kept me sane in my IT days was the keypad to the server room, and that lovely passcode that only the four admins knew. It was like a phonecall to Freedom.
"Sorry, we're doing server maintainence, and it's a big job ... yeah, better call the other admins in ..."
- M4H
"Sorry, we're doing server maintainence, and it's a big job ... yeah, better call the other admins in ..."
- M4H
My list from work was a bit different.....
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6 makes your access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-name brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so that your son can get back to playing Quake. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.
31. Feel free to ask us to install bootlegged software on your pc we really enjoy loading pirated software on work computers, especially illegal copies of Bible and Resume software.
32. yes we would agree that the $4000 laptop your boss gave you to do your work should have all the game and tax software loaded on it for your use. After all if he didnt want to do that, he wouldnt have let you take it home. Feel free to complain to all your co-workers and my boss that you cant do your work on it afterward as it crashes constantly.
33. Plug that 1500 watt heater in the same power strip with the pc. We'd agree that the pc must be garbage if a $10 electric heater could screw it up.
34. Of course tech support is stupid. How else could looking at a topless pic of Anna K. emailed to from your best friend screw up the pc.
Missing #5... is
5. When a tech is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.
29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6 makes your access database flip out.
30. When you bring us your own no-name brand home PC to repair for free at the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so that your son can get back to playing Quake. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.
31. Feel free to ask us to install bootlegged software on your pc we really enjoy loading pirated software on work computers, especially illegal copies of Bible and Resume software.
32. yes we would agree that the $4000 laptop your boss gave you to do your work should have all the game and tax software loaded on it for your use. After all if he didnt want to do that, he wouldnt have let you take it home. Feel free to complain to all your co-workers and my boss that you cant do your work on it afterward as it crashes constantly.
33. Plug that 1500 watt heater in the same power strip with the pc. We'd agree that the pc must be garbage if a $10 electric heater could screw it up.
34. Of course tech support is stupid. How else could looking at a topless pic of Anna K. emailed to from your best friend screw up the pc.
Missing #5... is
5. When a tech is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.
w00t! Got a new one:
#42.) When your laptop dies, ask IT to back up all your data before sending it in for repair. Get pissed off and loud on the phone when a tech says he wont put some of your data in his storage space on the server. Get reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal quiet when the tech says he refuses to put all that porn (which, in fact, took up the majority of the laptop HD) in his folder on the server.
Apparently this user thought the tech would have no idea what he was copying over to the server. This user has been particularly bitchy to IT workers when we have to go to her area. I am looking forward to some uncomfortable silences in the future (at least, uncomfortable for her). God-d@mn am I going to have fun with this.
#42.) When your laptop dies, ask IT to back up all your data before sending it in for repair. Get pissed off and loud on the phone when a tech says he wont put some of your data in his storage space on the server. Get reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal quiet when the tech says he refuses to put all that porn (which, in fact, took up the majority of the laptop HD) in his folder on the server.
Apparently this user thought the tech would have no idea what he was copying over to the server. This user has been particularly bitchy to IT workers when we have to go to her area. I am looking forward to some uncomfortable silences in the future (at least, uncomfortable for her). God-d@mn am I going to have fun with this.
Hence the appearance of the :Q
And I'd be more disturbed if you, knowing the age, had posted pics.
Or even had them TO post.
- M4H
"I'm sorry, new policy from the security department prevents us from doing that. A wireless access point for you would create areas where random passerbys can intercept sensitive company data"
Heh, I work IT during first period, lunch and my free period in my school's A/V lab. I find myself spending more time turning VCR's off and back on again for people than I do fixing the computers (Because my computer setups are bullet-freaking-proof)
We actually had some numbskull stoner get a tape "jammed" and punch it, shattering the VHS, the faceplate to the $400 Panasonic VCR, and thankfully, HIS MOTHERFSCKING HAND.
That VCR was due to be retired in 3 months, and it was going to be mine.
Its hard to make that claim when:
-she is on the IT floor, in a somewhat secured area
-we already have two APs on the floor
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