Time to pop the Q

[Lazy8s]

I have need for advice. I want to pop the Q to the g/f and I don't know what to do for the ring. My budget is about $1,500. We are both grad students and have been dating 4 years. Most of my money is in loans and stuff. If I spend more there will be no wedding or honeymoon.

Anyways she wants a setting like this:
http://www.bluenile.com/produc...w=24&pos=72&set_shape=

but I can afford something more like this:
http://www.bluenile.com/produc...ow=6&pos=18&set_shape=

Only prob is if I do that I'm stuck with about a .23-.25ct diamond if I want to get something acceptable. Of course later it could be swapped out but she probably wouldn't ever do that. My question is, should I stick with this setting and a .23-.25ct VG cut, E/F color and VVS2 or VVS1 clarity or should I go for a larger stone with less quality OR should I go for a simpler setting with a large stone.

I don't think it's a huge deal whatever I do. She is ready to be married (in the good way) so I think just about anything will be ok. I am just concerned that a .25ct diamond won't even be big enough to see hardly. I can't afford a large diamond obviously but I want it to be large enough to see you know? She is pretty thin. 5'9" 140lbs or so, it's not like she has large fingers but still. Anyways, what would you guys say?

 

[Descartes]

Those are nice settings. My wife has a similar setting, but there are diamonds in a "tension" on the band itself.

Anyway, my honest opionion is that a 0.25ct is too small for that setting. The diamonds (pave I believe they are) will overpower the main diamond, and it wouldn't really look right, imo. Regular solitaire settings look better for smaller diamonds. You could compromise a little on the quality of the diamond, but you're not likely to gain much size for that price. By the time you compromise enough to get a reasonable size for those settings you'll have something without much vibrance.

In the end though, I'd probably go with the setting she likes and then opt to upgrade the diamonds later. Women, in my experience, are more tied to the settings than they are the diamonds themselves. Depending on the dimensions of the cut, a 0.25ct might not actually look too small.

[edit]Also, you can definitely compromise on the color a bit. E color on a smaller diamond won't be that significant. I'd look to at least a G or even an H. VVS2 and VVS1 on a 0.25ct is also not necessarily, imo. I think you'd be pleased with a SI1/2 with a G/H color at perhaps a 0.5-0.75ct. It would give the ring an overall better look.[/edit]

 

[jagec]

Artificial diamonds, sapphires, or even a ring with no gemstone are low-budget options. My sister and her husband actually forged their own rings, and they ended up looking REALLY cool. All metal, no gemstone, but with a whole bunch of patterns from different layers...I can't really describe it.

Don't get a big, low-quality diamond, those look really crappy and you'd be better off just getting a CZ.

 

[Lazy8s]

Another concern I have is with the band pointing out at top and bottom is it going to be uncomfortable with a flat wedding band on? I will probably go with the cheaper setting which means their is no "partner" to go with it. If she's going to wear this forever it needs to be comfortable ya know?

 

[IronWing]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s
If she's going to wear this forever it needs to be comfortable ya know?

To me, this is an error. There is no reason that the ring you buy now has to be the one and true, last ring. Buy something you can easily afford now and then upgrade later if you are both so moved and it becomes financially feasible to do so. When starting a life together, cash is better than nice rings.

 

[krunchykrome]

you can always upgrade later

 

[KAMAZON]

More importantly, did you already pop the cherry if you don't mind me asking? I would always sample the goods before buying. Also, did you get a good pre-nup? I know it might sound HORRENDOUS OMFG A PRENUP THAT'S FOR BAD PEOPLE NOT US WE'RE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE however it will save you a shit load of potential trouble. Just knowing you have a prenup would save drama. Jus' sayin, I really think you should consider it.

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: KAMAZON
More importantly, did you already pop the cherry if you don't mind me asking? I would always sample the goods before buying. Also, did you get a good pre-nup? I know it might sound HORRENDOUS OMFG A PRENUP THAT'S FOR BAD PEOPLE NOT US WE'RE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE however it will save you a shit load of potential trouble. Just knowing you have a prenup would save drama. Jus' sayin, I really think you should consider it.

This post made me lol. I won't answer the first Q since there is a chance she'll read this but as far as a prenup goes we have actually talked a lot about that. Basically I don't think we will get one. I know it sounds like suicide but she's going to be a band teacher and I'm a CS major getting my masters (maybe PhD but I don't want to teach or research frankly) so I know I will earn the bulk of the money. Thing is though, if we got divorced I would support any kids and I wouldn't mind losing half the money. I know it came from my work but I view anything acquired during marriage as split 50/50 anyways. Also, frankly the money is a large incentive to stay married. Sounds crappy but it's true. I had multiple friends who had parents that only stayed married for financial reasons and now the kids are moved out and the parents no longer support them they have found their love for eachother again. Tough times can blind as much as love and honestly any reason that saves a marriage can be a good one.

 

[Leros]

Originally posted by: KAMAZON
More importantly, did you already pop the cherry if you don't mind me asking? I would always sample the goods before buying. Also, did you get a good pre-nup? I know it might sound HORRENDOUS OMFG A PRENUP THAT'S FOR BAD PEOPLE NOT US WE'RE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE however it will save you a shit load of potential trouble. Just knowing you have a prenup would save drama. Jus' sayin, I really think you should consider it.

This happens every engagement thread, but yours was the most annoying insensitive one I've seen yet.

 

[KAMAZON]

It's good to hear about your situation and gratz on the degree. As far as child support goes, you're right, you can't do anything about that, and that's fine. I would support my children any way possible too so I won't argue with you there. However, the alimony and marriage support can be negated and that is A LOT of freaking cash. Your opinion that she will get 50% anyways is wrong if you get a good prenup, she wont. I don't know you or your GF but I know the statistics and have real world experience with this. Sometimes, women become aholes and cause drama after marriage and we have no idea why, it just happens. They know that they got you by the balls. I don't want to be pushy, but I'd HATE to see another one of my CS brothers potentially go down a path to hell. I would highly highly HIGHLY recommend not talking about it anymore and just doing it. Make sure she has her own lawyer (pay for it even) and make sure it's not too close to the wedding date so she can't say she signed it in distress. You're going to be making a lot of cash, it is not rude to get a prenup.

Either way good sir, I congradulate you and I hope you have an amazing lasting marriage and will continue to post good stuff about it on the forums for years to come. Take care.

edit: Wow your womans got expensive taste

 

[KAMAZON]

Originally posted by: Leros

Originally posted by: KAMAZON
More importantly, did you already pop the cherry if you don't mind me asking? I would always sample the goods before buying. Also, did you get a good pre-nup? I know it might sound HORRENDOUS OMFG A PRENUP THAT'S FOR BAD PEOPLE NOT US WE'RE IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE however it will save you a shit load of potential trouble. Just knowing you have a prenup would save drama. Jus' sayin, I really think you should consider it.

This happens every engagement thread, but yours was the most annoying insensitive one I've seen yet.

Does that mean I R Winnar?

 

[Lazy8s]

Yeah it is kinda expensive. She really likes the "intertwined" where the ring bends to either side of the diamond. The problem is it's more than 2x the cost as far as the band goes. It is platinum however and she likes white gold more because it's brighter but I think over time she will appreciate the platinum because it will stay brighter looking.

Anyways, I was kinda hoping for a girl to chime in here. I just don't know how important the setting is. She has said she likes the round cut diamonds I'm just concerned about the size. With a simple band I could go to like .4-.48ct so it's a little nicer. She has mentioned that she wants the engagement ring she gets to be the final ring. Not in a bitchy "It better be perfect or else" but in a "It's going to have sentimental value so I won't be able to bring myself to replace it" way. I'm the one trying to get it perfect since I know she will probably not replace it.

That talk came about because my mom didn't like her engagement ring at all and it's CZ cause that's all my dad could afford but she won't let him replace or touch it because it was the one he proposed with. She loves it because of the memory and Staci said she was the same way (and she definately is).

EDIT: I have been looking on my finger (ours are about the same size) and the .25ct is like 3.96ish mm and the .48ct are like 5.12ish cm. My finger is only 1.5cm wide and there's not a lot of difference in the two. Looking straight down the 5.12cm would almost cover my finger from view...

 

[Throckmorton]

http://www.kimberleyprocess.com/

 

[KAMAZON]

Well? Where are all the ladies at? Let's get some input in here!

Also, grats on post 1333. Very soon, you will be 1337.

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: Throckmorton
http://www.kimberleyprocess.com/

http://observer.guardian.co.uk...ory/0,,2200573,00.html

I feel ya man but I'm not about to go naked into the woods to live off of berries for the rest of my life because beating an animal to death with a rock is too cruel. I know it sucks but you can find that almost anywhere. The girl would like a diamond ring not another stone. To each his own. We can still be friends.

 

[Throckmorton]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

Originally posted by: Throckmorton
http://www.kimberleyprocess.com/

http://observer.guardian.co.uk...ory/0,,2200573,00.html

I feel ya man but I'm not about to go naked into the woods to live off of berries for the rest of my life because beating an animal to death with a rock is too cruel. I know it sucks but you can find that almost anywhere. The girl would like a diamond ring not another stone. To each his own. We can still be friends.

OK, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Why do you not want to buy a Kimberley certified diamond? Is being a responsible consumer distasteful to you for some reason?

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: Throckmorton

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

Originally posted by: Throckmorton
http://www.kimberleyprocess.com/

http://observer.guardian.co.uk...ory/0,,2200573,00.html

I feel ya man but I'm not about to go naked into the woods to live off of berries for the rest of my life because beating an animal to death with a rock is too cruel. I know it sucks but you can find that almost anywhere. The girl would like a diamond ring not another stone. To each his own. We can still be friends.

OK, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Why do you not want to buy a Kimberley certified diamond? Is being a responsible consumer distasteful to you for some reason?

Right on I jumped the gun. I saw the africans and all the "what is a blood diamond" and jumped the gun. Sorry, I'm finishing up a paper to submit to a conference at the same time. My apologies.

 

[hellod9]

read this before you buy a diamond:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198202/diamond

you are throwing away your money. Find something else to make her happy.

 

[Mo0o]

I would get a bigger diamond if you can sacrifice on some of the other qualities (im not a diamond expert what so ever) but in my mind, the engagement ring is the female equivalent of a penis measuring contest. And since the only time anyone else will care about the ring and the only time its not tacky for her to show it off is right after you ask, it's better to get one as big as possible. Onlookers aren't gonna take teh diamond and hold it against the light w/ one of those funny binoculars, they just see how big it is and maybe if its sparkly. As much as a girl will say she doesn't care, to some degree it'll make her feel good to have a giant rock as long as she knows it didn't put you in the poor house. And like everyone else has said, once that CS degree starts paying you can upgrade it.

Reading about all the things that describe a diamond gives me headaches thinking about hte research ill have to do when i pop the Q

 

[KAMAZON]

IMO MoOo speaks the troof.

It is my personal opinion that women do this nasty nasty deed (no sicko I'm not talking about THAT deed) in which they compare engagement rings in a little circle clic. IMO The engagement ring to them shows how much they are worth on the market which indirectly means how beautiful they are. It's sick, BUT F it. Get her a fat ring! Make her friends jealous.

 

[civilicious]

Originally posted by: Mo0o
I would get a bigger diamond if you can sacrifice on some of the other qualities (im not a diamond expert what so ever) but in my mind, the engagement ring is the female equivalent of a penis measuring contest. And since the only time anyone else will care about the ring and the only time its not tacky for her to show it off is right after you ask, it's better to get one as big as possible. Onlookers aren't gonna take teh diamond and hold it against the light w/ one of those funny binoculars, they just see how big it is and maybe if its sparkly. As much as a girl will say she doesn't care, to some degree it'll make her feel good to have a giant rock as long as she knows it didn't put you in the poor house. And like everyone else has said, once that CS degree starts paying you can upgrade it.

Reading about all the things that describe a diamond gives me headaches thinking about hte research ill have to do when i pop the Q

WORD!

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: hellod9
read this before you buy a diamond:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198202/diamond

you are throwing away your money. Find something else to make her happy.

Feb 1982? Sounds like DeBeers did a great job of keeping them valuable. At any rate I doubt I will ever be selling it ya know what I mean? If I never see the $1,500 again I don't think I'll cry for too long.

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

Originally posted by: hellod9
read this before you buy a diamond:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198202/diamond

you are throwing away your money. Find something else to make her happy.

Feb 1982? Sounds like DeBeers did a great job of keeping them valuable. At any rate I doubt I will ever be selling it ya know what I mean? If I never see the $1,500 again I don't think I'll cry for too long.

i think tiffany's has some kind of trade up thing that lets you factor in your previous purcahse. im not sure on the specifics so you should talk to a dealer about it.

 

[Lazy8s]

Hmm, I will take at least a few days to think about what I can afford before i start talking to he rmom and friends...what if I just asked her and we went shopping togeather? At least she would get what she wanted. t sounds kinda cheesy though "Will you marry me?....and pick out the engagement ring?"

 

[shopbruin]

allright.

a .25 carat stone is going to be kinda small in the setting she likes. i know that you want to get her the setting she wants, but there's almost no way you can with your budget. and that's something that hopefully she'll understand.

my ring is a very simple solitaire setting, six prongs. the band is made of white gold. i see everyone else with their pave diamond settings and i'm happy with mine. the diamond alone is gorgeous and compliments my small hands (i'm only five feet tall with freakishly small childlike hands, ring size 4.5.) this however was exactly what i wanted - i wanted just a simple solitaire setting and i said to get the nicest diamond you can afford, because anything monstrous on me just won't work.

you can always try to do what my fiance did and trick me into telling him what i wanted, but i don't think this will work on everyone.

as for the wedding band, you can find a band that will "match" with it, meaning it's designed to fit, however it will cost more... and she can never just wear the band on it's own. it will be comfortable if you get the matching one. a generic band however, there will be a gap and it won't necessarily be uncomfortable, but it will just never sit flush and might drive some brides nuts.

for a forever ring, simplicity should win out. you are less likely to go "this design just doesn't suit me anymore" which is what the basic setting will do. i know i said i could always change my ring setting, but i doubt i ever will. the only thing i may ever consider doing is trying to have the ring sit a little lower in the setting so that it doesn't snag as much.

if you want to go with a larger stone, you can definitely sacrifice some on the color (D is the "whitest" diamond you can get, so head towards G or H.) also you can sacrifice a bit on the clarity - i have an SI1/SI2 and i can't see any flaws with the naked eye.

mine.
for reference, the size is .75 carat and my ring size is 4.5.