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Thursday Morning Joke Thread

J

jlbenedict

Banned
Two kids are sitting outside a candy store eating candy that they had just purchased.
While they are eating, an "grandpa'ish" old man walks by and notices them eating candy.
"You know.. that candy is bad for your health" says the old man.
"Oh really!" exclaimed the two kids. "My grandpa lived to be 100 years old."
Old man replies, "Did your grandpa eat candy when he was younger?"
Two kids - "No.. but he knew to mind his own fvcking business!"

 
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
Two kids are sitting outside a candy store eating candy that they had just purchased.
While they are eating, an "grandpa'ish" old man walks by and notices them eating candy.
"You know.. that candy is bad for your health" says the old man.
"Oh really!" exclaimed the two kids. "My grandpa lived to be 100 years old."
Old man replies, "Did your grandpa eat candy when he was younger?"
Two kids - "No.. but he knew to mind his own fvcking business!"
Click to expand...

BAN
 
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
Two kids are sitting outside a candy store eating candy that they had just purchased.
While they are eating, an "grandpa'ish" old man walks by and notices them eating candy.
"You know.. that candy is bad for your health" says the old man.
"Oh really!" exclaimed the two kids. "My grandpa lived to be 100 years old."
Old man replies, "Did your grandpa eat candy when he was younger?"
Two kids - "No.. but he knew to mind his own fvcking business!"
Click to expand...

Chuckle.
 
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

 
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
Two kids are sitting outside a candy store eating candy that they had just purchased.
While they are eating, an "grandpa'ish" old man walks by and notices them eating candy.
"You know.. that candy is bad for your health" says the old man.
"Oh really!" exclaimed the two kids. "My grandpa lived to be 100 years old."
Old man replies, "Did your grandpa eat candy when he was younger?"
Two kids - "No.. but he knew to mind his own fvcking business!"
Click to expand...

LOL Keep 'em coming!
 
Originally posted by: Mucho
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
Click to expand...

:Q

awesome!!!
 
Originally posted by: gwrober
Originally posted by: Mucho
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
Click to expand...

:Q

awesome!!!
Click to expand...

Really laughed out loud on this one.
 
Originally posted by: Mucho
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
Click to expand...


OH SNAP
 
A woman stands nude infront of her bedroom mirror, lamenting about her appearance.

"My boobs are too small, I wish I could make them bigger" she says to her husband.

"You should try rubbing a bit of tissue paper inbetween them, they'll grow to huge proportions in no time" he replies.

"Really? How is that?" she asks.

"I dunno, but it worked for your a?ss" he says.



Edit: spleling gud
 
Originally posted by: Lord Zado
Originally posted by: gwrober
Originally posted by: Mucho
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
Click to expand...

:Q

awesome!!!
Click to expand...

Really laughed out loud on this one.
Click to expand...

:Q :thumbsup:
 
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
Two kids are sitting outside a candy store eating candy that they had just purchased.
While they are eating, an "grandpa'ish" old man walks by and notices them eating candy.
"You know.. that candy is bad for your health" says the old man.
"Oh really!" exclaimed the two kids. "My grandpa lived to be 100 years old."
Old man replies, "Did your grandpa eat candy when he was younger?"
Two kids - "No.. but he knew to mind his own fvcking business!"
Click to expand...

Wicked..
 
Originally posted by: Roguestar
A woman stands nude infront of her bedroom mirror, lamenting about her appearance.
"My boobs are too small, I wish I could make them bigger" she says to her husband.
"You should try rubbing a bit of tissue paper inbetween them, they'll grow to huge proportions in no time" he replies.
"Really? How is that?" she asks.
"I dunno, but it worked for your a?ss" he says.

Edit: spleling gud
Click to expand...

Originally posted by: oogabooga
Originally posted by: Lord Zado
Originally posted by: gwrober
Originally posted by: Mucho
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
Click to expand...
:Q
awesome!!!
Click to expand...

HA and HA!
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal...

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?

The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?"

The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.
 
Originally posted by: jlbenedict
Two kids are sitting outside a candy store eating candy that they had just purchased.
While they are eating, an "grandpa'ish" old man walks by and notices them eating candy.
"You know.. that candy is bad for your health" says the old man.
"Oh really!" exclaimed the two kids. "My grandpa lived to be 100 years old."
Old man replies, "Did your grandpa eat candy when he was younger?"
Two kids - "No.. but he knew to mind his own fvcking business!"
Click to expand...

Booooo! :thumbsdown:

Originally posted by: jlbenedict
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Please pay me a compliment".

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".
Click to expand...

Now that was funny! :laugh:
 
Originally posted by: krunchykrome
An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal...

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?

The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?"

The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.
Click to expand...


LOL... good one. 😀
 
HEY!
This is a joke thread, not a "Quote everyone else's joke a dozen times!
Get your post counts up somewhere else.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first cannibal looks at his buddy and asks him "Does this taste funny to you?"
 
Originally posted by: jupiter57
HEY!
This is a joke thread, not a "Quote everyone else's joke a dozen times!
Get your post counts up somewhere else.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first cannibal looks at his buddy and asks him "Does this taste funny to you?"
Click to expand...

k
 
Originally posted by: jupiter57
HEY!
This is a joke thread, not a "Quote everyone else's joke a dozen times!
Get your post counts up somewhere else.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first cannibal looks at his buddy and asks him "Does this taste funny to you?"
Click to expand...

Guess, what the other cannibal said...

"OMG... A talking cannibal." 😛
























or "Thats bcoz you are eating the funny bone." 😉
 
A woman goes to the doctor and says "My sex life with my husband is horrible, is there anything you can do?"

The doc replies, "take these pills and put them in his drink each night before you go to bed, over time you will start to become more intimate."

The first night the woman does as the doc says, crushes one pill up and puts it in his drink. The entire night they fool around, and it was fun, but the woman wanted more.

The second night the woman puts 2 pills in the husbands drink, they have sex, but it wasn't very good.

The 3rd night the woman thinks fvck it, and puts the whole bottle in.


3 days later the doctor calls and the son answers the phone. The doc asks, "how's everything going?"

the son replies, "Well, not to good doc. Mom's dead, sis is pregnant, my a$$ hole hurts, and dad's naked on the front porch saying 'here kitty kitty, here kitty kitty'."
 
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