Thoughts from a dish network CSR:

[PlatinumGold]

so HOW many people ARE you going to fvck?

 

[guapo337]

*tear*

that rant was beautiful

jesus christ, that was hilarious.

 

[ThaGrandCow]

A fellow member sent me this link after reading my rant.

Wow this is so true also

 

[KokomoGST]

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow
So I'm a few months into my job as a CSR and I have a few choice nuggets of wisdom to say to the rest of the world. Just a few things I picked up over the last, truly enlightening weeks:

If you cannot speak a word of english: Fvck you!

If you can't understand simple instructions: Fvck you!

If I tell you a simple solution to a problem and you want someone to come out to do it and get mad when I tell you it'll be a cost to you: Fvck you!

***OTOH***

And to the people that call in that are so mad at the company because something went wrong and you were without service for 10 minutes and feel the need to yell and curse at me for 30 minutes nonstop without letting me get a word in: I <3 j00

****

You know what the sad thing is? I can make all of your problems dissappear. I can make that $99 for a tech to come out be $0.

I feel very VERY sorry for some of the crap you guys have to put up with. I'm sitting here trying to explain plans and stuff to boneheaded customers who I've answered their SAME questions at least 3 times already just to pass them onto you (Dish CSR) and have them ask those some retarded questions again. I sometimes get the feeling that mebbe they just don't understand English!!! I

If it's a person that doesn't speak English very well but does speak Spanish, I generally ask the Dish CSR to transfer to a Spanish rep.

Heck, I get people that say they need me to show them how to use every single friggin function on the remote. As the first person in line to get smacked around, I'm very VERY glad that Dish CSRs know their stuff.

I can't count the number of times I hear people ask for a special deals or extras or whatnot. WTF? Since when is the US a place where you can bargain at a FRANCHISE CORPORATE OWNED RETAIL STORE? This isn't a friggin garage sale...

You may love it when you're on the other end of the phone with these people yelling at you, but I'm standing here in RadioHack with irate customer mouthing off and getting PO'ed for prolly stupid reason giving me a hard time. And again, I can prolly fix your problem 9 times out of 10 even though I'm not a manager but if you give me a hard time or I can't do anything for you within my power, LEAVE. I had a customer who gave me such a hard time that I was ready to physically ask my other associates to call security and escort the people out of my store. They completely ripped into me even though I wasn't responsible nor did they care that I didn't have any means to help them. I can't give you something that I physically don't have and yelling at me can't change the plain truth.

I've had people try to intimidate me but there's no chance you'll EVER intimidate me in the store where I have at least one other person with me as well as the police and mall security at my fingertips. Doesn't matter how big you are, you're in the store... you're a guest in MY world. Guests get treated with hospitality and generosity, but if you're a bad guest... well...

 

[ThaGrandCow]

not ready to let this die yet, I took a long time making that post

 

[EXman]

you need a new job

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Originally posted by: Shockwave
And let ME tell YOU.
The sat networks, from what I can see, generally suck. Badly. Sure, the guy at home is happy, but you wanna talk about the most picky, finicky network I have EVER seen....... A monkey could fall out of a tree in TimBuckToo and it would somehow cause a little hiccup on those sat net's.

Just so you know, I've started using that euphamism when I'm talking to customers about the importance of getting their dish re-pointed after a storm knocked it down to 40% signal strength. They find it funny, and it helps when the inevitable next sentence is "you can do it yourself or pay us to do it for you"

 

[KingNothing]

That's not a euphemism. See below for proper usage of euphemism in a sentence:

Your mom is a euphemism for fat people.

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Originally posted by: KingNothing
That's not a euphemism. See below for proper usage of euphemism in a sentence:

Your mom is a euphemism for fat people.

Oh shut up you
I'm drinking and my skills in the english language are rapidly deteriorating as I imbibe more beers
I'll drink to the inevitable post later tonight in Ralph Wiggum's language
:beer:

 

[AnyMal]

There is one thing you're forgetting - if it wasn't for those "stupid" customers, you wouldn't have a job. Nuff' said.

 

[rocadelpunk]

i <3 joo too.

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Originally posted by: rocadelpunk
i <3 joo too.

Oh! Were you the drunk dude who knocked his $15,000 plasma TV over tonight? I <3 j00!
Sorry about the confusion man, I thought I said "unplug the reciever from the surge protector" and I guess apparently I said "knock the system off the wall and break it"

My bad, I'm always mixing those two up

 

[Adul]

If you're hardcore religious and have teenagers in the house: Fvck you!
No, our system didn't glitch, it shows right on the bill that someone physically ordered this from the remote that is addressed to your reciever in your house, in your child's room. Yes, your 15 year old boy who "would never do anything like that at all" really did purchase $500 worth of PPV XXX porn through the remote control (although all I can say is "I don't know who ordered it, all I know was that it was ordered from your house" while I put you on mute and get the other guys around me to listen in on what is about to become a hilarious call). Deal with it! If you wern't so controlling and let your kid get on the internet or something maybe he wouldn't have to spend all your money getting his rocks off. YES you still have to pay for all those charges too! I can reverse *1* movie over the lifetime of the account. And when you tell me you refuse to set up locks on the PPV channels so they can't buy any more so I offer to save you money by setting this channel up as a monthly charge of $20 (that's the cost of 2 out of the 50 movies he orders) WTH do you get mad at me??? I'm trying to save you hundreds of dollars a month because I'm feeling bad for you!

reminds me of a few of the CSR calls we get. Oh no my son is an angel and would never order that on the web.

yeah right.

 

[V00DOO]

Damn, I can't believe I just wasted 10 minutes of my life reading your rant. Fvck you! I am switching to Direct TV. Just kidding, CSR does have to deal with sh!+ all the time.

 

[Zorro]

Do you sell Extasy by the month or just as a ppv

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Originally posted by: Zorro
Do you sell Extasy by the month or just as a ppv

Monthly charge: $24.99
90 minutes of extasy: $9.99

do the math

 

[Shockwave]

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow

Originally posted by: Shockwave
And let ME tell YOU.
The sat networks, from what I can see, generally suck. Badly. Sure, the guy at home is happy, but you wanna talk about the most picky, finicky network I have EVER seen....... A monkey could fall out of a tree in TimBuckToo and it would somehow cause a little hiccup on those sat net's.

Just so you know, I've started using that euphamism when I'm talking to customers about the importance of getting their dish re-pointed after a storm knocked it down to 40% signal strength. They find it funny, and it helps when the inevitable next sentence is "you can do it yourself or pay us to do it for you"

No, its not my dish. I assure you, 100%. I know more about your network then you do my friend.
PM me exactly which one your with. Echostar or Hughes?

 

[ThaGrandCow]

^

 

[KingNothing]

Originally posted by: ThaGrandCow

Originally posted by: Shockwave
And let ME tell YOU.
The sat networks, from what I can see, generally suck. Badly. Sure, the guy at home is happy, but you wanna talk about the most picky, finicky network I have EVER seen....... A monkey could fall out of a tree in TimBuckToo and it would somehow cause a little hiccup on those sat net's.

Just so you know, I've started using that euphamism when I'm talking to customers about the importance of getting their dish re-pointed after a storm knocked it down to 40% signal strength. They find it funny, and it helps when the inevitable next sentence is "you can do it yourself or pay us to do it for you"

I saw an ad for digital cable that used lines like that. It was hilarious, first thing I thought of was this thread.

 

[n0cmonkey]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Rant on man! As a former DirecTV CSR, I feel your pain

 

[BooGiMaN]

if i have had the all americas pack or whatever they call all the channels pack for almost a year (~ 9-10 months) and have a 721 and a basic reciever how much would it cost me to upgrade the basic reciever to another pvr hopefully one that is goign to be grandfathered in so i wont have to pay the monthly.....is this even possible?

whats the best way to go about doing this..thanks oh kind and generous csr

 

[ThaGrandCow]

Originally posted by: BooGiMaN
if i have had the all americas pack or whatever they call all the channels pack for almost a year (~ 9-10 months) and have a 721 and a basic reciever how much would it cost me to upgrade the basic reciever to another pvr hopefully one that is goign to be grandfathered in so i wont have to pay the monthly.....is this even possible?

whats the best way to go about doing this..thanks oh kind and generous csr

Doh, I should have read this a few days ago before the new promotions started. You can upgrade to a 510 DVR right now for $99, but I'm pretty sure the 501/508's are done (you'll have to pay for the monthly service fee). Check ebay and call local retailers to see if they have any of the 501's or 508's left in stock

...

Oh wait, you've got AEP... you won't pay a monthly fee. Americas everything pack monthly fee is $0.

 

[RGN]

heh, good rant. Reminds me of me when I have a day of "did you reboot the computer?" and they say: "well... no. I thought maybe you could fix it"

And for the record, I have a dish from Dish. Its the best thing that happened to me since the internet. Or at least close. It beats the crap out of digital cable anyway. I've talked to a CSR once, and she was very nice (even sounded cute). Helpful too, but I try not to be a dick.

R

 

[Apathetic]

If you think your jaded now, wait until you've been there for more than a year!

Dave

 

[Pepsei]

You know, you can start busting some of the Canadian ATOTers who *ahem* watches Dish for free.....