True Doctor Stories
> >
> >
> > A man comes into the ER and yells,
> > "My wife's going to
> > have her baby in the
> > cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> > rushed out to the cab,
> > lifted the lady's --Dress,
> > and began to take off her
> > underwear. Suddenly I
> > noticed that there were
> > several cabs, and I was
> > in the wrong one.
> >
> > --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> > At the beginning of my shift
> > I placed a stethoscope on
> > an elderly and
> > slightly deaf female patient's
> > anterior chest wall.
> > Big breaths," I
> > instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
> > remorsefully
> > replied the patient.
> >
> > --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> >
> > One day I had to be the bearer
> > of bad news when I told
> > a wife that her
> > husband had died of a massive
> > myocardial infarct. Not
> > more than five minutes
> > later, I heard her reporting
> > to the rest of the family
> > that he had died of a
> > "massive internal fart."
> >
> > --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> >
> >
> >
> > I was performing a complete physical,
> > including the
> > visual acuity test. I
> > placed the patient twenty
> > feet from the chart and
> > began, "Cover your right
> > eye with your hand." He read
> > the 20/20 line perfectly.
> > Now your left."
> > Again, a flawless read. Now both,"
> > I requested. There
> > was silence. He
> > couldn't even read the
> > large E on the top line. I
> > turned and discovered that
> > he had done exactly what
> > I had asked; he was standing
> > there with both his
> > eyes covered. I was laughing
> > too hard to finish the exam.
> >
> > --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> >
> > During a patient's two week
> > follow-up appointment with
> > his cardiologist, he
> > informed me, his doctor,
> > that he was having trouble
> > with one of his
> > medications. Which one?"
> > I asked. The patch. The nurse
> > told me to put on a
> > new one every six hours and
> > now I'm running out of
> > places to put it!" I had
> > him quickly undress and
> > discovered what I hoped I
> > wouldn't see. Yes, the man
> > had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
> > instructions include removal of
> > the old patch before applying a new one.
> >
> > --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> >
> >
> > While acquainting myself with
> > a new elderly patient, I
> > asked, "How long have
> > you been bed-ridden?"
> > After a look of complete
> > confusion she answered .
> > Why, not for about twenty years
> > -- when my husband was alive."
> >
> > --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> >
> >
> > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
> > It's very good, except for the Kentucky
> > Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
> > the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> > labeled "KY Jelly."
> >
> > --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> >
> > And Finally . . . .
> >
> > A new, young MD doing his
> > residency in OB was quite
> > embarrassed performing
> > female pelvic exams. To cover
> > his embarrassment he had
> > unconsciously formed
> > a habit of whistling softly.
> >
> > The middle aged lady upon whom
> > he was performing this
> > exam suddenly burst
> > out laughing and further
> > embarrassed him. He looked up
> > from his work and
> > sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
> > Was I tickling you?"
> >
> > She replied, "No doctor,
> > but the song you were
> > whistling was 'I wish I was
> > an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
> >
> > --won't admit his name
Jokersmoker
> >
> >
> > A man comes into the ER and yells,
> > "My wife's going to
> > have her baby in the
> > cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> > rushed out to the cab,
> > lifted the lady's --Dress,
> > and began to take off her
> > underwear. Suddenly I
> > noticed that there were
> > several cabs, and I was
> > in the wrong one.
> >
> > --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> >
> > At the beginning of my shift
> > I placed a stethoscope on
> > an elderly and
> > slightly deaf female patient's
> > anterior chest wall.
> > Big breaths," I
> > instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
> > remorsefully
> > replied the patient.
> >
> > --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> >
> > One day I had to be the bearer
> > of bad news when I told
> > a wife that her
> > husband had died of a massive
> > myocardial infarct. Not
> > more than five minutes
> > later, I heard her reporting
> > to the rest of the family
> > that he had died of a
> > "massive internal fart."
> >
> > --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> >
> >
> >
> > I was performing a complete physical,
> > including the
> > visual acuity test. I
> > placed the patient twenty
> > feet from the chart and
> > began, "Cover your right
> > eye with your hand." He read
> > the 20/20 line perfectly.
> > Now your left."
> > Again, a flawless read. Now both,"
> > I requested. There
> > was silence. He
> > couldn't even read the
> > large E on the top line. I
> > turned and discovered that
> > he had done exactly what
> > I had asked; he was standing
> > there with both his
> > eyes covered. I was laughing
> > too hard to finish the exam.
> >
> > --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> >
> > During a patient's two week
> > follow-up appointment with
> > his cardiologist, he
> > informed me, his doctor,
> > that he was having trouble
> > with one of his
> > medications. Which one?"
> > I asked. The patch. The nurse
> > told me to put on a
> > new one every six hours and
> > now I'm running out of
> > places to put it!" I had
> > him quickly undress and
> > discovered what I hoped I
> > wouldn't see. Yes, the man
> > had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
> > instructions include removal of
> > the old patch before applying a new one.
> >
> > --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> >
> >
> > While acquainting myself with
> > a new elderly patient, I
> > asked, "How long have
> > you been bed-ridden?"
> > After a look of complete
> > confusion she answered .
> > Why, not for about twenty years
> > -- when my husband was alive."
> >
> > --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> >
> >
> > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
> > It's very good, except for the Kentucky
> > Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
> > the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> > labeled "KY Jelly."
> >
> > --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> >
> > And Finally . . . .
> >
> > A new, young MD doing his
> > residency in OB was quite
> > embarrassed performing
> > female pelvic exams. To cover
> > his embarrassment he had
> > unconsciously formed
> > a habit of whistling softly.
> >
> > The middle aged lady upon whom
> > he was performing this
> > exam suddenly burst
> > out laughing and further
> > embarrassed him. He looked up
> > from his work and
> > sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
> > Was I tickling you?"
> >
> > She replied, "No doctor,
> > but the song you were
> > whistling was 'I wish I was
> > an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
> >
> > --won't admit his name
Jokersmoker
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