This is going well (in-law inheritance drama)

[Exterous]

One of the inheritors convinced the trustee (using a hardship provision in the trust) that she needed more of the inheritance than the others. So she's going to get 30% more than everyone else. The sob story? She's an unemployed single mother of one. Technically true but the father shares custody, is heavily involved, and always pays support on time. As for the job - she left a part time job that paid well because she was in danger of being fired for not showing up to work. "It was just too hard to balance work and being a mom". Uh...you have 60-40 custody and were working 16-20 hours a week. She's actively turned down job offers since then.

A little while back - before the full breadth of her decisions came to light for the rest of the family they had decided to give her mom's car (Well kept van with ~50k miles on it) when mom went into hospice because hers was falling apart. She then proceeded to complain no one was offering to pay the registration or pay to get it detailed before it was given to her. And then proceeded to never visit the hospice facility.

She's been told she's not welcome at the memorial but says she's going to show up anyway. I'm sure there won't be any tension at all

 

[nOOky]

Very dramatic. I've been through a few of these things now being in my mid 50's. I am still in the process of finalizing everything for my brother who recently passed. It's the first time I've been in charge of everything. We have a large family so everyone has an opinion about what should have been done. I suspect I was chosen because my brother knew I would carry out his wishes exactly, and I am. Siblings are asking for things that he didn't want, and asking for money he didn't want to leave to them. It's a stressful time for sure. Sorry you're having to go through the unusual bullcrap, people are way different around money they think is free.

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

 

[IronWing]

I'm glad we had none of that when my parents passed. My parents wrote down what they wanted, my sister handled the estate as they wished, and the rest of us shut up and let her. We all got a crash course in tax law.

 

[Stopsignhank]

Ouch to both of you. We are going to go through a similar thing. My wife is the executor of her parent's estate. Her dad passed and now her mom is making changes to what is to be bequeathed. We used to have the paper with their wishes but now her mom is making noises about "leaving the loser of the family the house" she has also stated that she does not think she can do that but she will leave a portion to her kids and the loser (grandson) "gets the rest".

My wife's sister is very bad with money and almost broke. Her brother is good with money and is saying things like "Hey we need to help the mom invest because after all we are only helping ourselves." or "We need these receipts of improvements they did to the house or we will get killed on capital gains."

So yeah, that is not going to be fun.

 

[highland145]

Tell the trustee to suck a bag of dicks and you have dead hookers in your basement that you need $ to move.

Irl, we were raised to be fair. If 1 got, all got. If 1 didn't, none did unless we'd screwed the pooch and were being punished. And if we didn't work for our own $, we must not have wanted better.

My sis did make a comment about bro and I eating at Ma's for years after she moved out. Bro said he'd set it all on fire before he'd fight about it. 😀

Anyway, Ma will blow through her $ paying the nursing home so we won't have anything to fight over.

 

[Brainonska511]

"We need these receipts of improvements they did to the house or we will get killed on capital gains."

If the house was sold after the owner died and it is subsequently inherited, there shouldn't be any issues with capital gains, since it gets a stepped up basis at death.

 

[pcgeek11]

We had the same kind of issues when my mother passed.
Seems it always brings out the buzzards waiting to pick the bones.

 

[K1052]

Currently going through the estate planning process for myself and my husband. Primary goal is to keep my sister in law and my delinquent nephew's hands off of everything. Lawyer was a bit taken aback when I explained I'm not leaving my blood relatives jack shit. I'll feel better getting everything sewn up because the husband does not deal with money well to the extent that I manage all his retirement accounts. He just assumed he would get whatever I had if I died and wasn't worried about it lol.

 

[MrSquished]

That sucks, and all too common. See it a lot in the real estate world, as dying is one of the big motivators for a sale to happen. Who is this trustee anyway?

 

[Charmonium]

I had to do that once. It was some property my paternal grandfather owned and ended by dad's sister and my mom. Mom died first. Then when my aunt died, with her several kids - seven I think, all my technical cousins but most of whom I'd never even met - it was like a piranha attack. Fortunately they elected one female cousin to officiate and she was pretty easy to deal with.

The guy that bought paid 140k just so he would have hunting rights on the land. SMH

 

[Exterous]

Currently going through the estate planning process for myself and my husband. Primary goal is to keep my sister in law and my delinquent nephew's hands off of everything. Lawyer was a bit taken aback when I explained I'm not leaving my blood relatives jack shit. I'll feel better getting everything sewn up because the husband does not deal with money well to the extent that I manage all his retirement accounts. He just assumed he would get whatever I had if I died and wasn't worried about it lol.

I'm a little surprised he was surprised. I have a friend who does this some what often and the stories he tells.....ooof

That sucks, and all too common. See it a lot in the real estate world, as dying is one of the big motivators for a sale to happen. Who is this trustee anyway?

A third party assigned by the bank. In fairness to the trustee this particular inheritor was able to keep a lot of this decision making secret from a good chunk of the family for awhile so the trustee had little chance outside of some sort of formal multi-person interview/investigation process

 

[K1052]

I'm a little surprised he was surprised. I have a friend who does this some what often and the stories he tells.....ooof

I would have figured estate lawyers have seen it all but I definitely got an eyebrow raise.

 

[Charmonium]

If you're ever in a bad position vis a vie an executor, you can petition the court for removal. You'll need solid grounds, preferably documented and it will cost you some coin - both for the lawyer and the cost of whomever the court appoints - but if you're getting f'ed anyway, may as well spread the joy.

 

[nakedfrog]

That sucks, and all too common. See it a lot in the real estate world, as dying is one of the big motivators for a sale to happen. Who is this trustee anyway?

Happened with the elderly couple that lived a couple houses down, they weren't legally married but had been together in that house 38 years, raised their kids together there. Guy died this year, his daughter from his first marriage told the lady she was selling the house, so the lady had to go. Fortunately one of her kids lives a few miles away so she moved in there. I did wonder if she would have legal recourse, but also wouldn't blame her for not wanting to fight it out at her age.

 

[Brainonska511]

Happened with the elderly couple that lived a couple houses down, they weren't legally married but had been together in that house 38 years, raised their kids together there. Guy died this year, his daughter from his first marriage told the lady she was selling the house, so the lady had to go. Fortunately one of her kids lives a few miles away so she moved in there. I did wonder if she would have legal recourse, but also wouldn't blame her for not wanting to fight it out at her age.

Wouldn't some tenant protections kick in then?

 

[highland145]

Wouldn't some tenant protections kick in then?

Maybe state by state but she's technically not a tenant. Now, if she's in a state with squatter's rights...


And screw the daughter.

 

[pcgeek11]

Lived together for 38 years. Seems there would be something that could have been done in advance to prevent the daughter from tossing her out.... Like a Will or joint ownership. My wife and I had a lawyer fix ours so that it doesn't even have to be probated it will just transfer on the death of either of us to the survivor.

There is something to be said about proper planning. Even if it is a sensitive subject (death). After all nobody escapes alive.

 

[highland145]

Lived together for 38 years. Seems there would be something that could have been done in advance to prevent the daughter from tossing her out.... Like a Will

I've got 2 customers that have been together for 40 years, not married. He works, she's on disability. Explained to her that, if something happens to him, she doesn't get his social security. 3 months later, Mr and Mrs. Good thing because he was just diagnosed with congestive heart failure at 65.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

My parents made me executor for when they pass. I haven't read through all the paperwork (which I know I need to at some point), but I'm not too worried about it. My siblings and I (3 total) have all talked about it recently and it's been decided whatever's left gets split 3 ways. In actuality I'm not even sure if this is possible, but again, at least financially, I'm the least well off between the 3 of us so I don't think there will be a ton of fighting. However, I do realize when free money is at stake, people react differently. Not looking forward to it that's for sure.