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Thinking about going for full custody.

A

Armitage

Banned
By our parenting plan, I'm supposed to have 8/14 overnights with the kids. Starting this past fall, that went to 9/14 sometimes 10. Now she's taken a new job that works nights (her choice), and wants me to take 11/14 overnights + she drops the kids off at my work @ 4:30 two days a week.

At this time, by actual hours, she has the kids about 35% of the time. School/daycare is about 10% for my son, 13% for my daughter. That'll go up once both are in school full time. And when she does have them, they often end up at the daycare at the Y so she can get her workout in, or propped in front of the TV for 2-4 hours a day :| Since she's working nights now, I doubt there's much quality time there.

My finances certainly don't need more legal bills, but why should this sham of "shared parenting" go on?

edit - oh yea, and she takes off for weeks at a time. 2 weeks in Hawaii last Dec. (wonder where that money came from :|), 3 weeks in S. America in January. Last one was a family emergency - but still, 3 weeks!
 
You still have a weak case, lul her into complacency & spring your trap...

Give it another year of caving into everything she asks for...

 
Originally posted by: PingSpike
Wouldn't your ex have to pretty much be a crack addicted prostitute in order for you to get full custody?
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So I've heard, particularly for initial custody. But I've also heard that it isn't as hard to get the custody changed to reflect what the actual situation is. And I would suggest that my current situation is consistent with full custody.
 
Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
You still have a weak case, lul her into complacency & spring your trap...

Give it another year of caving into everything she asks for...
Click to expand...

Yea - I'm not exactly ringing up my lawyer as we speak. Give her some more time - establish some history with this schedule, etc.
 
Originally posted by: PingSpike
Wouldn't your ex have to pretty much be a crack addicted prostitute in order for you to get full custody?
Click to expand...

hey, he never mentioned what her night job was? 😀

lol jk 😛
 
I dunno...given the way things work I think you chances for success are still weak. Obviously if things were fair you would get full custody, but they are not fair...in these matters the court is heavily bias to the woman.

I'm going to have to agree with Pliablemoose on this one. I think you should continue to put up with the crap, and hope it gets to something outrageous like 2/14 days. If you go ahead with it now and lose, you've given your ex a big heads up to what you're ultimately going for and she'll probably not be as stupid to keep making it easier for you. (She'll start taking the kids more or whatever, making your case weaker so you can't try it again)

I think you should focus on a "one shot one kill" mentality, because if you miss the first shot you may not get another one.

Just my $0.02.
 
Start stopping by Wal Mart & picking up some inexpensive clothes for them & send them home with the kids too, maybe drop them off with some of their favorite groceries too...

Don't go overboard or into debit, just make her real comfortable, worked for me. I now have my own full grown teenager as a housepet🙂
 
If you think you are paying more to her in child support or whatever then you need to be paying given the situation, I'd fight for full custody. Better to spend that money on the kids yourself than to let her handle it.
 
Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
Start stopping by Wal Mart & picking up some inexpensive clothes for them & send them home with the kids too, maybe drop them off with some of their favorite groceries too...

Don't go overboard or into debit, just make her real comfortable, worked for me. I now have my own full grown teenager as a housepet🙂
Click to expand...

Yep - doing that. My son showed up this a.m. with two new pairs of pants because she complained that she didn't have any. He also ussually takes a snack from my house. I'm sure she feeds them, but he always wants to take a snack from my house anyway.
 
Have you recently asked her for full custody? If you try to sue then she'll probably stick it to you out of spite, but maybe if you guys have a serious talk you can work something out. A trial basis sort of thing. Seems like she needs the time to work out her stuff, and you like being around the kids....shouldn't be too hard of a sell.
 
Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
You still have a weak case, lul her into complacency & spring your trap...

Give it another year of caving into everything she asks for...
Click to expand...

Yup.. She sounds like the type of person that will hang themselves given enough rope. Do what you're doing, the kids will see the shift in parenting, and staying the course right now is what's in the best interest of the children.

You have no case, it will be an expensive, fruitless endeavour.



 
Spend the next six months documenting the times of pick up, schooling, and any requests for additional time. Also document what purchases you have made for the kids including medical/dental costs.

I am not sure of the situation is the U.S. but I would think that if you can show that you taking more responsibility for them then you might have half a chance.

I say go for it and good luck.

btw. Kudos to you for being a responsible father. :thumbsup:
 
Man it's a shame and no kid deserves that, but maybe you should go ahead with it.
Maybe when and if your ex matures, the kids can see her more often.

Sad situation, sorry man.
 
So I took a closer look at the schedule she gave me. It's a freakin mess.
A 6 week pattern of 5 different weekly schedules - I'm gonna have to start carrying my palm pilot again just so I know what the hell is going on.

Anyway, when you add up the days, she has either 79 or 105 overnights a year depending on whether she wants the friday night of my weekends. I plugged it into the Colorad Child Support Worksheet

At the current child care costs, at 79 overnights a year, she would actually owe me $841/month (yea right).

Reducing the childcare costs to what I can expect when my youngest is only in after-school care and assuming 105 overnights for her, it comes to $274/month

FWIW I make about twice what she does, but I pay all the daycare & health insurance.

Also, 92 overnights a year is the limit for what is considered "shared parenting".

Just FYI for me so I know where I stand - like I said before, I don't intend to do anything just yet.
 
Take it from someone who's been there done that. Court will do absolutely NOTHING for you unless you can prove that your ex is either physically, menthally, or financially incapable of taking care of the children. The most they will do is threaten to hold her in contempt if your schedule was court ordered. Even then, she'll just get a slap on the wrist. I am sure you know by now, being a father, it's always your fault no matter what.

I feel for you bro, but such is the name of the game. Take comfort in thought that you kids will see things for what they are once they get a little older.
 
Originally posted by: Armitage
So I took a closer look at the schedule she gave me. It's a freakin mess.
A 6 week pattern of 5 different weekly schedules - I'm gonna have to start carrying my palm pilot again just so I know what the hell is going on.

Anyway, when you add up the days, she has either 79 or 105 overnights a year depending on whether she wants the friday night of my weekends. I plugged it into the Colorad Child Support Worksheet

At the current child care costs, at 79 overnights a year, she would actually owe me $841/month (yea right).

Reducing the childcare costs to what I can expect when my youngest is only in after-school care and assuming 105 overnights for her, it comes to $274/month

FWIW I make about twice what she does, but I pay all the daycare & health insurance.

Also, 92 overnights a year is the limit for what is considered "shared parenting".

Just FYI for me so I know where I stand - like I said before, I don't intend to do anything just yet.
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Will her working nights decrease the amount of time daycare is needed ? Is she earning more money or hopeful for a chance at advancement from this job?

I went on third shift when my kids were small because I couldn't afford daytime childcare bills.I was also able to be home during the day which was important,particularly in the early school years what with 1/2 day kindergarden and such.

I'd consider petitioning the court to decrease the amount you're paying for daycare, if mom's not working during the day there's no need for it.tens of thousands of single women work the night shift,care for kids during the day,without paying for daycare.
After school daycare won't be needed either.

Btw, do not overlook the benefit of having one parent who's always available during the day, she can be the one who takes care of the kids when they're too sick to go to school and the one to have to attend to Peditrician appointments etc... without you having to leave work all the time.

Oh and don't go down the road of counting actual hours spent with the kiddies in front of the judge or he'll serve you your nuts on a plate... while the kids are in school your ex doesn't have them ...but neither do you.
 
how about instead of taking the children on her nights say you are unavalible so that she will have to keep hem whick will be a burden on her
 
Originally posted by: Hi
how about instead of taking the children on her nights say you are unavalible so that she will have to keep hem whick will be a burden on her
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What would be even better is if mom and dad can work together to come up with a schedule which allows them BOTH to spend time with the kids and to work.

Parents who work opposing shifts can be very good for kids because it means they seldom need to be in daycare. What would be ideal is if the mother can schedule the bulk
of her working shifts to those nights when the father has the kids.

Eliminating/greatly reducing the time the kids spend in daycare will reduce the fiscal costs greatly,having one parent availble readily during the day is a godsend as well.I can't count the number of times I had to take days off from work/ leave work suddenly etc because of the school's day's off, kids being ill/getting into trouble etc.
 
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: Hi
how about instead of taking the children on her nights say you are unavalible so that she will have to keep hem whick will be a burden on her
Click to expand...

What would be even better is if mom and dad can work together to come up with a schedule which allows them BOTH to spend time with the kids and to work.

Parents who work opposing shifts can be very good for kids because it means they seldom need to be in daycare. What would be ideal is if the mother can schedule the bulk
of her working shifts to those nights when the father has the kids.

Eliminating/greatly reducing the time the kids spend in daycare will reduce the fiscal costs greatly,having one parent availble readily during the day is a godsend as well.I can't count the number of times I had to take days off from work/ leave work suddenly etc because of the school's day's off, kids being ill/getting into trouble etc.
Click to expand...

Yea, that's nice in theory, except she's actually mentioned putting my son in daycare 5 days a week instead of the current 3 because she's to tired from working nights. She makes it out that she's being a martyr to save me two days a week on daycare. Her old schedule worked fine, and the change is her choice. I could give a damn about the "career opportunity" it might mean for here given the hit my career is taking.

And I'm not counting hours, I'm counting overnights, which is what the courts do care about very specifically.

Again, I'm not doing something anytime soon. Maybe never. Just venting ... I certainly don't resent any time I get to spend with my kids.
 
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