Things Found Only in America

[Grasshopper27]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

 

[shiner]

Only in America....are people that post lame jokes they recieved via email forward allowed to live without fear.

 

[Pastore]

What is amusing here, is that in another thread you said "I thought you guys would have enjoyed them" or something like that, and like three people said they weren't interested. Yet, you continue to post the threads. lol

 

[prodigy]

Are all of the threads you create jokes??

 

[MacBaine]

You must be calm, young grasshopper.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: shinerburke
Only in America....are people that post lame jokes they recieved via email forward allowed to live without fear.

Hehehe...

That was funny, thanks...

Err, you did mean that nicely, right? 😀

Grasshopper

 

[LongCoolMother]

grasshopper is THE joke man 😀

 

[shiner]

Originally posted by: LongCoolMother
grasshopper is THE joke man 😀

I think you meant...grasshopper is a joke, man. 😀

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: MacBaine
You must be calm, young grasshopper.

I'm trying, really...

I'm just bored... Watched Black Hawk Down awhile ago, made myself some supper...

Thumper is working tonight, she works a second job as a waitress and has to work until 2am. 🙁 She'll be too tired to come over of course, so I won't see her until tomorrow.

On top that of, we've got Thunderstorms in the area, so my evening flights were canceled. Thus, I had no plans, so I'm stuck here at home. 🙁

Sigh...

Sorry if I bugged you guys, didn't mean to be a pest. Just tried to liven the mood with some humor. 🙂

Grasshopper

 

[Pastore]

This young grasshoppa know not what his name mean.

 

[hdeck]

interesting attempt at making fun of america, but i'm sure many of those apply to other countries. some of those even make perfect sense.

...hmm...lol the word st@b isn't allowed anymore...i wonder why...

 

[shiner]

Originally posted by: Beast1284
This young grasshoppa know not what his name mean.

Probably just a kid....

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Beast1284
This young grasshoppa know not what his name mean.

If you're refering to me, Grasshopper is Thumper's nickname for me. She came up with it, I think it's cute, so I don't care. 😀

Think about what I do for a living and it will make more sense.

Why I call her Thumper is a much longer story! 😛

Grasshopper

 

[shiner]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26

Originally posted by: Beast1284
This young grasshoppa know not what his name mean.

If you're refering to me, Grasshopper is Thumper's nickname for me. She came up with it, I think it's cute, so I don't care. 😀

Think about what I do for a living and it will make more sense.

Why I call her Thumper is a much longer story! 😛

Grasshopper

You still do not understand what Master Kan was trying to tell you young grasshopper....

 

[MacBaine]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26

Originally posted by: Beast1284
This young grasshoppa know not what his name mean.

If you're refering to me, Grasshopper is Thumper's nickname for me. She came up with it, I think it's cute, so I don't care. 😀

Think about what I do for a living and it will make more sense.

Why I call her Thumper is a much longer story! 😛

Grasshopper

When she gets home are you gonna Thumper? 😉😀

 

[LongCoolMother]

goodo one shiner.

once again, grasshopper has no failed to amuse us! 😀

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: shinerburke

You still do not understand what Master Kan was trying to tell you young grasshopper....

Err, ok... perhaps I missed it. Care to enlighten me?

Grasshopper

 

[shiner]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26

Originally posted by: shinerburke

You still do not understand what Master Kan was trying to tell you young grasshopper....

Err, ok... perhaps I missed it. Care to enlighten me?

Grasshopper

"You are before the gates of a Shaolin Temple and there are no reasons for which your ears are worthy." - Master Kan

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: MacBaine

Originally posted by: grasshopper26
Why I call her Thumper is a much longer story! 😛

Grasshopper

When she gets home are you gonna Thumper? 😉😀

Very funny... 😀

She carries a tune in her head a lot, often times she'll just break out singing along, and you'll wonder what the heck she's listening to in her head. One day, when we were flying in the 172, she tuned in the ADF to the local Disney radio station, they were playing something with a beat, and she started singing along (this is one of those things that is cute when your SO does it). Her right leg was moving with the beat of the music, I looked over and saw her singing and "thumping" her leg to the music, so I said, "enjoying yourself Thumper?". It stuck ever since, don't ask me why.

Corny and lame, I know, go figure... 😛

Also, we don't yet live together, abit you wouldn't know it by looking at my place. 🙂 I have a two bedroom place with two baths, and she has taken over the "guest" bath with her stuff. She only spends the night once or twice a week. Her lease is up in 5 months, assuming we're still together, I plan to ask her to move in with me. 🙂

Grasshopper

[Edited for content]

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: shinerburke

"You are before the gates of a Shaolin Temple and there are no reasons for which your ears are worthy." - Master Kan

Err, ok... So basicaly you don't want to explain it? 😀

Grasshopper

 

[shiner]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26

Originally posted by: shinerburke

"You are before the gates of a Shaolin Temple and there are no reasons for which your ears are worthy." - Master Kan

Err, ok... So basicaly you don't want to explain it? 😀

Grasshopper

"Learning is more than just listening and doing, it is also feeling" - Master Kan

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: shinerburke

"Learning is more than just listening and doing, it is also feeling" - Master Kan

[Grasshopper picks up a baseball bat and starts swinging it near Master Kan's head]

So, you're saying that if you feel this, you'll learn something from the experience? Like, don't toy with me and instead, just explain yourself? 😀

Grasshopper

 

[shiner]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26

Originally posted by: shinerburke

"Learning is more than just listening and doing, it is also feeling" - Master Kan

[Grasshopper picks up a baseball bat and starts swinging it near Master Kan's head]

So, you're saying that if you feel this, you'll learn something from the experience? Like, don't toy with me and instead, just explain yourself? 😀

Grasshopper

"All creatures - the low and the high - are one with nature. No life is insignificant. If we have the wisdom to learn, all may teach us their virtues." - Master Kan

 

[Angrymarshmello]

...can you get a burrito at your favorite Mexican place
...can you get fortune cookies with your Chinese food

 

[Scarpozzi]

Grasshopper, the most important lesson to be learned here today is quite simple. Be yourself and enjoy the forums. I guess due to the number of forwards we unfortunately receive from friends containing many lists of jokes and information that we barely have time to read, so people tend to feel hostile feelings toward the lists themselves and take it out on the middlemen. One way to avoid this is to stop being a middleman of these internet-driven joke lists. While they are funny, it takes some pretty unique ones to get praise.

I'm not trying to be cruel or mean here...but not all users on AT are unique and understanding. I'm just trying to translate my interpretation of what Master Kan is trying to say in that ever so subtle way. 😀