As usual, I wait until the very last moment to do my Christmas shopping, and as usually, I get pissed off when the cards don't fall in my favor. Yesterday's bleak outlook on finding the perfect gift for my wife failed miserably - who'd have thought Bed, Bath & Beyond (beyond what?) wouldn't both pricematch AND take the 20% off coupon they mailed me. Screw them then.
So today, I had a new plan. I had my sights set on a particular gift for my wife, different than the previous day's items of choice. First stop, drive to the other side of town from where I live and head to Staples, stopping along the way at Walmart to pick up a few other items I need for this weekend. After waiting around for Staples' sucktastic customer service, they tell me they have none of said item in stock, and I proceed on my way to the next store...
Eventually, I stumble into Office Despot (closely related to the Home Despot, they both rule small third-world countries with an iron fist). After some stellar customer service, they inform me that they are out of stock, but the store in the other corner of the city appears to have one left. So, off I went, since of course they refuse to hold it for me.
Finally, I arrive at my destination of choice, after getting sworn at by many-a-driver. I walk in like The Duke with a grand swagger, and artfully retrieve the last claim slip for the item I'm looking for. The cashier then plucks the ticket out of my hand while finishing cashing out the next person ahead of me. She then passes the ticket off to some other subordinate manage, who then disappears into the security room to rummage around for my item. A few minutes later, he returns with the goods, and now the fun begins.
The cashier rings me up and informs me of the price, and of course tries to sell me the service plan, which I politefully decline... THRICE. With that out of the way, I produce a coupon and state they can take that to the bank. The cashier of course takes a moment to look over the coupon, and while doing so I boldly state that I've already verified that it does not exclude the merchandise I was purchasing. The dialog at that point turned into something worthy of posting here on ATOT.
She says, "This coupon is for Staples."
I reply, "Mmmhmm."
She states, "This is Office Depot."
I reply, "...Mmmhmmmm. And Office Depot accepts competitors' coupons."
Facepalm moment number one... SCORE! But wait, there's more! She then concedes this victory to me, scans over the coupon to make sure that it's good for the item I am purchasing, then calls a manager via their Matrix-like communication system to ask to be certain and verify how to key it in.
Now wait for it...
She keys in the competitor code, then looks slightly puzzled as it is asking her for an amount, and the coupon is simply for 10% off. After a moment, the cashier keys in "10" and tallies up the total, much to her dismay at this point only having taken ten cents of the price. She calls a manager once again for help, and the monkey that retrieved my item from the secure room arrives, voids out the discount.
The conversation that occurred next involved the word "calculator" as apparently neither the cashier nor either manager on duty seemed to be capable of determining what 10% off the price should be. At that point, I politely offer up "$14.99" as the value they should be discounting. Both the monkey manager and cashier seem taken aback at first. It is at this point where I realize I have to provide a proof for "SunnyD's theorem of the Staples 10% discount value on a $149.99 item."
The seemingly mere mortals working at this Office Depot then offered me praise, as if I were a god among men. Myself? I vocally praised my math minor as being beneficial in situations like this.
You need Cliffs? ts;dr. (Tough shit; don't read)
So today, I had a new plan. I had my sights set on a particular gift for my wife, different than the previous day's items of choice. First stop, drive to the other side of town from where I live and head to Staples, stopping along the way at Walmart to pick up a few other items I need for this weekend. After waiting around for Staples' sucktastic customer service, they tell me they have none of said item in stock, and I proceed on my way to the next store...
Eventually, I stumble into Office Despot (closely related to the Home Despot, they both rule small third-world countries with an iron fist). After some stellar customer service, they inform me that they are out of stock, but the store in the other corner of the city appears to have one left. So, off I went, since of course they refuse to hold it for me.
Finally, I arrive at my destination of choice, after getting sworn at by many-a-driver. I walk in like The Duke with a grand swagger, and artfully retrieve the last claim slip for the item I'm looking for. The cashier then plucks the ticket out of my hand while finishing cashing out the next person ahead of me. She then passes the ticket off to some other subordinate manage, who then disappears into the security room to rummage around for my item. A few minutes later, he returns with the goods, and now the fun begins.
The cashier rings me up and informs me of the price, and of course tries to sell me the service plan, which I politefully decline... THRICE. With that out of the way, I produce a coupon and state they can take that to the bank. The cashier of course takes a moment to look over the coupon, and while doing so I boldly state that I've already verified that it does not exclude the merchandise I was purchasing. The dialog at that point turned into something worthy of posting here on ATOT.
She says, "This coupon is for Staples."
I reply, "Mmmhmm."
She states, "This is Office Depot."
I reply, "...Mmmhmmmm. And Office Depot accepts competitors' coupons."
Facepalm moment number one... SCORE! But wait, there's more! She then concedes this victory to me, scans over the coupon to make sure that it's good for the item I am purchasing, then calls a manager via their Matrix-like communication system to ask to be certain and verify how to key it in.
Now wait for it...
She keys in the competitor code, then looks slightly puzzled as it is asking her for an amount, and the coupon is simply for 10% off. After a moment, the cashier keys in "10" and tallies up the total, much to her dismay at this point only having taken ten cents of the price. She calls a manager once again for help, and the monkey that retrieved my item from the secure room arrives, voids out the discount.
The conversation that occurred next involved the word "calculator" as apparently neither the cashier nor either manager on duty seemed to be capable of determining what 10% off the price should be. At that point, I politely offer up "$14.99" as the value they should be discounting. Both the monkey manager and cashier seem taken aback at first. It is at this point where I realize I have to provide a proof for "SunnyD's theorem of the Staples 10% discount value on a $149.99 item."
The seemingly mere mortals working at this Office Depot then offered me praise, as if I were a god among men. Myself? I vocally praised my math minor as being beneficial in situations like this.
You need Cliffs? ts;dr. (Tough shit; don't read)
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