These Jokes Are For Intellectuals

[Carson Dyle]

Thanks for the explanations. I think #19 was my favorite. I got a good laugh from that one.

I actually chuckled a little at that one. The rest, meh.

 

[Ichinisan]

On joke # 3:

-the first guy knew he wanted a drink, but didn't know about the other two guys' preferences.

-the second guy knew he wanted a drink, but didn't know about the third guy's preference.

-using logic, the third guy could assume that the first and second guys wanted drinks (or else at least one of them would have said "no"). He could answer "yes" with certainty.

 

[Ichinisan]

You really didn't get #8, OP?

 

[SKORPI0]

1. A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

2. Pretentious? Moi?
3. Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.
4.Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."

5. C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
6. First Law of Thermodynamics: You can't win. Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can't break even. Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can't stop playing.

7. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
8. A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

9. This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

10. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
11. Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Philip Glass.

12. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.​

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http://www.businessinsider.com/smart-joke-explanations-2013-6

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[brianmanahan]

when i stroke the beard thusly, do i not appear more intellectual?

 

[Fritzo]

These are pretty good

 

[Captante]

These are all really awful.

For many of them apparently intellectual = dumb.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Want to see my impression of an SN2 reaction?

 

[IronWing]

V is Roman Numeral 5.

This one is the only one from the list that I'd consider using.

 

[JEDIYoda]

that was taken from facebook..lol

 

[zinfamous]

This one is the only one from the list that I'd consider using.

that and the one about the programmer, bread and eggs. Those are usable. The others...you just don't want to be caught saying those in mixed company.

 

[chubbyfatazn]

Imagine the party where these are the kinds of jokes people are telling. Maybe a Lambda Lambda Lambda party.

Reminds me of the fake fraternity/club set up by a couple people at the CS department where I went to college - Lambda Alpha Nu (LAN).

These jokes would fit right in with them

 

[TheVrolok]

Entertaining in a good bad joke sort of way.

 

[ctbaars]

12. Why do engineers mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

I used this one a couple of weeks ago with teenage girls. It solidified my social ostracisation.

 

[glenn1]

Schrödinger is known for his Cat thought experiment, but let's not forget he was a good baker and made the quantum cake you could both have and eat too.

 

[Arcadio]

Only thing I didn't get was the last part of #13. Not familiar with Chomsky.

 

[rga]

Chuckled at most of them, after I realized what they meant.


#11 was funny.

 

[ctbaars]

These are very clever jokes, though I don't get all of them.

 

[thebestMAX]

At one time this was the entire joke:
A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck and says “make me one with everything.”

I liked 4 and 18.