There haven't been any good joke threads for a while

[dude8604]

So let's start one now. I don't really have any jokes to contribute, but see the link in my sig for some <somewhat> funny quotes. Some are funny but most are not.

SO POST YOUR JOKES!!!

 

[AlwaysWong]

Man walks into a bar... sees sign that reads, "Cheese sandwiches - $2 // Handjobs - $10"

Man looks over to the woman sitting behind bar and says to her, "Are you the woman who gives the handjobs?"

Woman nods yes.

Man says, "Then go wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich."

 

[Platypus]

I couldn't post a joke in here without getting banned.

 

[OREOSpeedwagon]

nm

 

[silverpig]

What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?
































Not being retarded

 

[Spooner]

An old couple is sitting on the porch one day thinking about life.
The old man turns to his wife, "Honey... I've been thinking, we've been married for over 37 years now and we have three wonderful children together. I've always noticed that one of them seems sort of different looking. Does he have a different father?"
The old woman begins to break down and sob, "Yes," she says with tears rolling down her cheeks.
The old man cringes as he hears this and asks, "Who?"
The woman looks at him with tear stricken eyes and tells him, "You"

 

[Kev]

What do you call that useless area surrounding the vagina?








The woman.

 

[datalink7]

Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King
Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession
to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts.
But he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his
colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief
physician. Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but
I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay bribes."
Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.

The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching
powder and poured a little of it into the Queen's
brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after
she dressed, the itching commenced and grew in
intensity. Upon being called to the royal chambers,
Horatio told the King that only a special saliva,
if applied for four hours, would cure this type of
itch, and that tests had shown such a saliva was only
to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth.

King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master.
Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote lotion
into his mouth and for the next four hours worked
passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.

Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found
Horatio demanding payment. However, with his obsession
now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything and
shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never
report this matter to the King.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder onto King Arthur's loincloth. King Arthur
summoned Michael the Dragon Master...

Moral of the story: Pay your bills

 

[ProviaFan]

I heard this one a long time ago...

A very sick guy goes to the doctor, and after examining him the doctor prescribes two weeks of enemas, one per day. Anyway, the guy goes home, and takes the enemas over the two week period. After this, he goes to the doctor, his condition not having improved at all. The doctor then asks him if he took the enemas; he replies, "Yes, I did, and they were so effective that I might as well had stuck them up my ass."

 

[b0mbrman]

<< Man walks into a bar... sees sign that reads, "Cheese sandwiches - $2 // Handjobs - $10"
Man looks over to the woman sitting behind bar and says to her, "Are you the woman who gives the handjobs?"
Woman nods yes.
Man says, "Then go wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich." >>


Hilarious !