- Jul 20, 2001
- 72,362
- 32,928
- 136
Breaking News: Milk Spilled in Arkansas!
We'll be covering this story in depth, non-stop for the duration, stay tuned!
<eight minutes of Rx commercials>
Buff Tuftly: We have a report that Jake Wilbers of Little Rock has spilled a small carton of milk on his kitchen floor.
<show graphic of Satan rising out of milk carton>
Buff Tuftly: Let's go to Guy Smiley for an update.
Guy Smiley (leaning into a non-existent wind): I am here in New York, leaning into a non-existent wind. Wind can sometimes blow over a milk carton.
Buff Tuftly: Thank you for the update Guy. Now to FEMA Director Kirk Boredoom. Thank you for joining us on such short notice, Director Boredoom, what can you tell us about the spill?
Kirk Boredoom: Spilled milk can create a slipping hazard and should be cleaned up promptly.
Buff Tuftly: There we have the words of the FEMA Director on this deadly situation. Let's go to the FLOOR MAP!
Cindy Ladylumps: I'm standing on the floor map and wiggling for no apparent reason. The spilled milk graphic is about to overtop my stilettos.
<eight minutes of Rx commercials>
Buff Tuftly: And now Dr. Phil Grubbingly of the University of Wisconsin will discuss the origins of this catastrophe.
Dr. Phil Grubbingly: Hi Buff,...
Buff Tuftly: Hold on a minute, Dr. Phil, we have a late breaking video showing a dairy case at a supermarket in Philadelphia, okay, back to you Phil.
Dr. Phil Grubbingly: Hi Buff, I'm here at the University of Wisconsin Dairy Farm. The cows behind me are much like the cows that likely produced the milk involved in the spill.
Buff Tuftly: Thank you for that detailed report Dr. Phil. We now have an animation of a cow being slaughtered for milk. Dr Phil, could you explain how this works?
Dr. Phil Grubbingly: Uh, sure Buff, The cow produces milk in it's mammer....
Buff Tuftly: Sorry, have to cut you Dr. Phil, we're a family friendly network. Meanwhile back to Guy Smiley.
Guy Smiley (with drops of milk on his face and rain slicker and drops of milk on the camera lens): I have Martha Mugly with me. Martha recalls a time when she spilled some milk on her pants.
Martha Mugly: It's something I never want to live through again.
Buff Tuftly: Thanks for the update Guy!
<shows animation of milk carton on fire>
<eight minutes of Rx commercials>
----------------------------------------------------
I was on the Outer Banks last week, without internet. I usually just check the Weather Service and National Hurricane Center sites for updates. With no internet, I tried The Weather Channel.
The NHC can pack more information into a single paragraph than The Weather Channel can convey in an hour of jabbering and ridiculous graphics.
Anyway, here's a sunrise from the best beach on earth.
We'll be covering this story in depth, non-stop for the duration, stay tuned!
<eight minutes of Rx commercials>
Buff Tuftly: We have a report that Jake Wilbers of Little Rock has spilled a small carton of milk on his kitchen floor.
<show graphic of Satan rising out of milk carton>
Buff Tuftly: Let's go to Guy Smiley for an update.
Guy Smiley (leaning into a non-existent wind): I am here in New York, leaning into a non-existent wind. Wind can sometimes blow over a milk carton.
Buff Tuftly: Thank you for the update Guy. Now to FEMA Director Kirk Boredoom. Thank you for joining us on such short notice, Director Boredoom, what can you tell us about the spill?
Kirk Boredoom: Spilled milk can create a slipping hazard and should be cleaned up promptly.
Buff Tuftly: There we have the words of the FEMA Director on this deadly situation. Let's go to the FLOOR MAP!
Cindy Ladylumps: I'm standing on the floor map and wiggling for no apparent reason. The spilled milk graphic is about to overtop my stilettos.
<eight minutes of Rx commercials>
Buff Tuftly: And now Dr. Phil Grubbingly of the University of Wisconsin will discuss the origins of this catastrophe.
Dr. Phil Grubbingly: Hi Buff,...
Buff Tuftly: Hold on a minute, Dr. Phil, we have a late breaking video showing a dairy case at a supermarket in Philadelphia, okay, back to you Phil.
Dr. Phil Grubbingly: Hi Buff, I'm here at the University of Wisconsin Dairy Farm. The cows behind me are much like the cows that likely produced the milk involved in the spill.
Buff Tuftly: Thank you for that detailed report Dr. Phil. We now have an animation of a cow being slaughtered for milk. Dr Phil, could you explain how this works?
Dr. Phil Grubbingly: Uh, sure Buff, The cow produces milk in it's mammer....
Buff Tuftly: Sorry, have to cut you Dr. Phil, we're a family friendly network. Meanwhile back to Guy Smiley.
Guy Smiley (with drops of milk on his face and rain slicker and drops of milk on the camera lens): I have Martha Mugly with me. Martha recalls a time when she spilled some milk on her pants.
Martha Mugly: It's something I never want to live through again.
Buff Tuftly: Thanks for the update Guy!
<shows animation of milk carton on fire>
<eight minutes of Rx commercials>
----------------------------------------------------
I was on the Outer Banks last week, without internet. I usually just check the Weather Service and National Hurricane Center sites for updates. With no internet, I tried The Weather Channel.
The NHC can pack more information into a single paragraph than The Weather Channel can convey in an hour of jabbering and ridiculous graphics.Anyway, here's a sunrise from the best beach on earth.
Last edited:
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