The Shower

Allanv

Senior member
May 29, 2001
905
0
0
How to Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according
to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
the
way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more
sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and wide loofah
and
pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If
you see
partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
in a
pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake
Willy
at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
Willy
and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican.
Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
the
whole time.
Admire Willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake Willy at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
 

AbAbber2k

Diamond Member
Mar 1, 2005
6,474
1
0
I always pee first because once the hot water hits me I can't hold it in. Well I could... but I'd be doin the peepee dance while trying to wash myself.

And thank god my GF doesn't do all of what this listed. I think she's got a loofah, body wash, shampoo and conditioner. That I can deal with. Personally I have a bar of soap and shampoo. :p
 

Lord Evermore

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
9,558
0
76
Originally posted by: AbAbber2k
I always pee first because once the hot water hits me I can't hold it in. Well I could... but I'd be doin the peepee dance while trying to wash myself.

I pee at the start, somewhere in the middle, AND before getting out. Water causes my kidneys to go into overdrive or something.

I'm just hopeful whoever I marry either pees in the shower too, or doesn't care that I do at least. As gross as some people think it is, a large percentage of people do it.

Oh, and I've heard of mohawks, but what's a mohican (besides a native tribe)? Oh, wikipedia answers. It's what Brits call a mohawk, never heard it before.
 

skace

Lifer
Jan 23, 2001
14,488
7
81
The only thing that confuses me is the blow nose into hands? What is the purpose of doing that? My bathroom has kleenex...
 

KLin

Lifer
Feb 29, 2000
30,439
751
126
Originally posted by: skace
The only thing that confuses me is the blow nose into hands? What is the purpose of doing that? My bathroom has kleenex...

You're in the shower. Thus no need for kleenex.
 

bignateyk

Lifer
Apr 22, 2002
11,288
7
0
Originally posted by: skace
The only thing that confuses me is the blow nose into hands? What is the purpose of doing that? My bathroom has kleenex...


I do it sometimes because when you are washing your face, and your nose is running a little, it will just get all over your face if you dont take care of the situation.

I dont pee in the shower, however.