There's a graphic going around that appears to have been derived from a famous Usenet rant I saw years ago, called "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie". It was posted here and someone asked me to post the full piece. Since it's off-topic from that thread, I started a new thread.
I think this is probably the funniest parody of religion I've ever read, and thought so even when I was religious.
What's especially amazing is that Usenet was an extemporaneous medium, like this forum, so he probably wrote all of this on the fly. I have no idea who "Stix" is, but I hope he became a comedy writer!
Google Groups source
---
On the retirement of our Great Warlord, I take the liberty of
reposting this small example of his contributions to a.a. over
the years. You newbies might learn something from perusing it.
Joe Z. a.a.#249
----- THE SAGA OF THE MAGIC SPACE PIXIE -----
From: st...@BAAWA.com.au (Stix)
Organization: BAAWA (will taunt christians for sport)
Date: Thu, 05 Nov 1998 18:03:08 GMT
>Eugene Climer wrote:
>;Mythology? Mine? Please describe my mythology.
<sigh>
Oh very well; the rationale works like this: a Magic Space Pixie,
whose existence requires no causal explanation, and who exists in some
sort of surroundings external to our own that require no causal
explanation, is posited to explain OUR existence and surroundings
which, for some inexplicably different reason, DO require causal
explanations -- none of which may exclude the Magic Pixie.
The mythology goes: In the beginning, after making things a bit
brighter so he could see what he was doing, the Magic Pixie magicked a
mud ball, then he magicked some plants and a heap of animals to live
on the mud ball, then he magicked a man out of the mud that he'd
magicked only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Shortly
after, the Magic Pixie magicked a woman from the man's rib, put the
mud-man and the rib-woman in his garden to live, and told them not to
eat from a particularly special tree.
A magic talking snake, either magicked by the Magic Pixie or magically
requiring no causal explanation, suckered the rib-woman into eating
fruit from the special tree, and she in turn suckered the mud-man into
munching on the fruit. The Magic Pixie spat his pacifier in the dirt
when he found out about the fruity transgression, so to punish the
mud-man and the rib-woman for their disobedience he put a magic hex on
the billions and billions of people who weren't yet alive - just
because he's the Magic Pixie and he's oh so big and huge and so very,
very big.
Some time later, when the mud-man and rib-woman had magically spawned
millions of people (all of whom were cursed due to the rib-woman's
frugivorous frivolity), the Magic Pixie got all pissy about the people
living on the mud ball he'd magicked, and rather than magically make
them all better, he decided to kill them all in a flood -- except for
one old fart and his family. The Magic Pixie told the old fart to
build a great big boat out of magic wood, and to fill the big boat
with two or seven of each kind of animal; two or seven, depending on
how you interpret the written version of the Saga of the Magic Space
Pixie.
Of course, the old fart pulled all this off without a hitch, and when
the big boat was loaded the Magic Pixie poured about four and a half
billion cubic kilometres of water on to the mud ball, which drowned
every single living critter. About a year later, the waters eventually
magically disappeared leaving absolutely no trace that the flood ever
happened.
After leaving the big boat, all the animals magically wandered back to
from wherever it was they came, and the old fart somehow got drunk,
probably from wine made out of magic grapes that grew in a magic
vineyard. Once he was good and sloshed, the old fart stripped off his
clothes and passed out. Sometime later one of the old fart's sons
walked in and saw the old fart's wobbly bit, so the Magic Pixie - who
doesn't like people to look at wobbly bits - put a curse on the
wobbly-bit-looker and all his descendants, even though they didn't
even see the wobbly bit.
The old fart and his family magically filled the world with people,
and apart from the wobbly-bit-looker's descendants, the mud ball was
filled with people who were not cursed since the Magic Pixie had
drowned everything. But the Magic Pixie was still steamed about the
rib-woman's fruitarian follies so he let the fruit-curse carry on to
everyone who was alive or ever would be alive, and he said that
everyone must grovel to his oh so big and very huge Magic Pixieness.
Some time later, after various other slaughters, some famines, some
plagues, and a few cool tricks - one in which a burning bush spoke,
and one in which the Magic Pixie magicked a butt-crack in the red sea
- the Magic Pixie decided he'd like to bump uglies with one of the
children who lived on the mud ball, so he did: of course it was a
*magic* bumping of uglies, and not the real thing.
Nevertheless, the child became pregnant and eventually gave birth to a
human/Magic Pixie hybrid, which probably caused the child's husband
(who hadn't bumped uglies with his young wife yet - matter of fact,
his wife hadn't bumped uglies with anyone) at least a small amount of
concern.
Anyway, the hybrid grew up pretty much without incident, but when he
reached his thirties he grew his hair long, became a hippy, and
wandered around babbling in parables -- most of which he took from the
book called, "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie". Eventually some
people found out that the hybrid was the boss's son and they'd started
following him around, so the hybrid was taken to the man in charge who
sent him to be soundly spanked and then pinned to a stick. When he was
pinned to the stick, the hybrid whined and whined to the Magic Pixie
about being forsaken, and then he died.
Of course, being half Magic Pixie, the hybrid couldn't really die, so
a couple of days later, despite telling everyone he'd be 'dead' for
*three* days - probably to get a jump on the guys who pinned him to
the stick - he woke up, snuck out of the cave in which the hybrid-
followers had placed him, wandered around for a little while chatting
with some of his followers, then, magically, he went to live in that
magical place where the Magic Pixie lives; and he hasn't been seen
since.
Now, according to the hybrid-followers with whom the pre-departure
hybrid chatted, 500 EYEWITNESSES saw the hybrid after he rose from
being dead, and the hybrid will be returning to the mud ball ANY DAY
NOW.
And what of the Magic Pixie? Well, he seemingly got so pissy about the
people pinning his hybrid to a stick that he stormed off and hasn't
been seen since, but according to the hybrid-followers, if we accept
that the hybrid-pinning episode removes the curse of the rib-woman's
fruity faux pas, we will live in the magical place with the Magic
Pixie after we've died.
The final chapter in the Saga of the Magic Pixie is yet to come true.
It's mostly full of all sorts of stuff about a Nasty Magic Pixie,
plagues, grasshoppers, seals (not the kind who balance balls on their
nose, the kind that seal things), and people dying -- but after all
the nasty stuff, the Magic Pixie and the hybrid return to the mud
ball, the Magic Pixie magicks everything back to nice-ness so
everything is all beloved patriot'n'span, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Oh, and if you don't believe me, you're a fool. Why? Because that's
what it says in "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie," and if you don't
believe "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" then after you die the
Magic Pixie will give you to the talking snake (who's now a Nasty
Magic Pixie), and you *know* I'm telling the Truth because "The Saga
of the Magic Space Pixie" is *defined* as truth, therefore it *IS*
truth, therefore it is T-R-U-E *True* with a capital 't' -- and you
don't NEED any proof because "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" is a
*VERY SPECIAL STORY* about the Magic Pixie who CREATED EVERYTHING
including US and whose hybrid son DIED TO SAVE US FROM THE CURSE OF
THE FRUITY FEAST, so rather than proof you need FAITH, which means,
"just shut up and believe me or else you're a bad person."
So nyah!
Who gave god free will?
Oh never mind. I have no interest in arguing about the characters in
fairy tales. It's as pointless as arguing whether the freckles
Geppetto painted on Pinocchio's cheeks affected Pinocchio's life as a
real boy.
Stix
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Mysticism is a disease of the mind."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I think this is probably the funniest parody of religion I've ever read, and thought so even when I was religious.
What's especially amazing is that Usenet was an extemporaneous medium, like this forum, so he probably wrote all of this on the fly. I have no idea who "Stix" is, but I hope he became a comedy writer!Google Groups source
---
On the retirement of our Great Warlord, I take the liberty of
reposting this small example of his contributions to a.a. over
the years. You newbies might learn something from perusing it.
Joe Z. a.a.#249
----- THE SAGA OF THE MAGIC SPACE PIXIE -----
From: st...@BAAWA.com.au (Stix)
Organization: BAAWA (will taunt christians for sport)
Date: Thu, 05 Nov 1998 18:03:08 GMT
>Eugene Climer wrote:
>;Mythology? Mine? Please describe my mythology.
<sigh>
Oh very well; the rationale works like this: a Magic Space Pixie,
whose existence requires no causal explanation, and who exists in some
sort of surroundings external to our own that require no causal
explanation, is posited to explain OUR existence and surroundings
which, for some inexplicably different reason, DO require causal
explanations -- none of which may exclude the Magic Pixie.
The mythology goes: In the beginning, after making things a bit
brighter so he could see what he was doing, the Magic Pixie magicked a
mud ball, then he magicked some plants and a heap of animals to live
on the mud ball, then he magicked a man out of the mud that he'd
magicked only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Shortly
after, the Magic Pixie magicked a woman from the man's rib, put the
mud-man and the rib-woman in his garden to live, and told them not to
eat from a particularly special tree.
A magic talking snake, either magicked by the Magic Pixie or magically
requiring no causal explanation, suckered the rib-woman into eating
fruit from the special tree, and she in turn suckered the mud-man into
munching on the fruit. The Magic Pixie spat his pacifier in the dirt
when he found out about the fruity transgression, so to punish the
mud-man and the rib-woman for their disobedience he put a magic hex on
the billions and billions of people who weren't yet alive - just
because he's the Magic Pixie and he's oh so big and huge and so very,
very big.
Some time later, when the mud-man and rib-woman had magically spawned
millions of people (all of whom were cursed due to the rib-woman's
frugivorous frivolity), the Magic Pixie got all pissy about the people
living on the mud ball he'd magicked, and rather than magically make
them all better, he decided to kill them all in a flood -- except for
one old fart and his family. The Magic Pixie told the old fart to
build a great big boat out of magic wood, and to fill the big boat
with two or seven of each kind of animal; two or seven, depending on
how you interpret the written version of the Saga of the Magic Space
Pixie.
Of course, the old fart pulled all this off without a hitch, and when
the big boat was loaded the Magic Pixie poured about four and a half
billion cubic kilometres of water on to the mud ball, which drowned
every single living critter. About a year later, the waters eventually
magically disappeared leaving absolutely no trace that the flood ever
happened.
After leaving the big boat, all the animals magically wandered back to
from wherever it was they came, and the old fart somehow got drunk,
probably from wine made out of magic grapes that grew in a magic
vineyard. Once he was good and sloshed, the old fart stripped off his
clothes and passed out. Sometime later one of the old fart's sons
walked in and saw the old fart's wobbly bit, so the Magic Pixie - who
doesn't like people to look at wobbly bits - put a curse on the
wobbly-bit-looker and all his descendants, even though they didn't
even see the wobbly bit.
The old fart and his family magically filled the world with people,
and apart from the wobbly-bit-looker's descendants, the mud ball was
filled with people who were not cursed since the Magic Pixie had
drowned everything. But the Magic Pixie was still steamed about the
rib-woman's fruitarian follies so he let the fruit-curse carry on to
everyone who was alive or ever would be alive, and he said that
everyone must grovel to his oh so big and very huge Magic Pixieness.
Some time later, after various other slaughters, some famines, some
plagues, and a few cool tricks - one in which a burning bush spoke,
and one in which the Magic Pixie magicked a butt-crack in the red sea
- the Magic Pixie decided he'd like to bump uglies with one of the
children who lived on the mud ball, so he did: of course it was a
*magic* bumping of uglies, and not the real thing.
Nevertheless, the child became pregnant and eventually gave birth to a
human/Magic Pixie hybrid, which probably caused the child's husband
(who hadn't bumped uglies with his young wife yet - matter of fact,
his wife hadn't bumped uglies with anyone) at least a small amount of
concern.
Anyway, the hybrid grew up pretty much without incident, but when he
reached his thirties he grew his hair long, became a hippy, and
wandered around babbling in parables -- most of which he took from the
book called, "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie". Eventually some
people found out that the hybrid was the boss's son and they'd started
following him around, so the hybrid was taken to the man in charge who
sent him to be soundly spanked and then pinned to a stick. When he was
pinned to the stick, the hybrid whined and whined to the Magic Pixie
about being forsaken, and then he died.
Of course, being half Magic Pixie, the hybrid couldn't really die, so
a couple of days later, despite telling everyone he'd be 'dead' for
*three* days - probably to get a jump on the guys who pinned him to
the stick - he woke up, snuck out of the cave in which the hybrid-
followers had placed him, wandered around for a little while chatting
with some of his followers, then, magically, he went to live in that
magical place where the Magic Pixie lives; and he hasn't been seen
since.
Now, according to the hybrid-followers with whom the pre-departure
hybrid chatted, 500 EYEWITNESSES saw the hybrid after he rose from
being dead, and the hybrid will be returning to the mud ball ANY DAY
NOW.
And what of the Magic Pixie? Well, he seemingly got so pissy about the
people pinning his hybrid to a stick that he stormed off and hasn't
been seen since, but according to the hybrid-followers, if we accept
that the hybrid-pinning episode removes the curse of the rib-woman's
fruity faux pas, we will live in the magical place with the Magic
Pixie after we've died.
The final chapter in the Saga of the Magic Pixie is yet to come true.
It's mostly full of all sorts of stuff about a Nasty Magic Pixie,
plagues, grasshoppers, seals (not the kind who balance balls on their
nose, the kind that seal things), and people dying -- but after all
the nasty stuff, the Magic Pixie and the hybrid return to the mud
ball, the Magic Pixie magicks everything back to nice-ness so
everything is all beloved patriot'n'span, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Oh, and if you don't believe me, you're a fool. Why? Because that's
what it says in "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie," and if you don't
believe "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" then after you die the
Magic Pixie will give you to the talking snake (who's now a Nasty
Magic Pixie), and you *know* I'm telling the Truth because "The Saga
of the Magic Space Pixie" is *defined* as truth, therefore it *IS*
truth, therefore it is T-R-U-E *True* with a capital 't' -- and you
don't NEED any proof because "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" is a
*VERY SPECIAL STORY* about the Magic Pixie who CREATED EVERYTHING
including US and whose hybrid son DIED TO SAVE US FROM THE CURSE OF
THE FRUITY FEAST, so rather than proof you need FAITH, which means,
"just shut up and believe me or else you're a bad person."
So nyah!
Who gave god free will?
Oh never mind. I have no interest in arguing about the characters in
fairy tales. It's as pointless as arguing whether the freckles
Geppetto painted on Pinocchio's cheeks affected Pinocchio's life as a
real boy.
Stix
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Mysticism is a disease of the mind."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Last edited:
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