The Relationship Guide *For all to read*

bmacd

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
10,869
1
0
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies -- Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed: +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1

You leave the toilet seat up: -5
You leave the toilet lid down: -10
...After the lights are out: -30

You replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty: 0
When the toilet paper roll is empty, you resort to Kleenex: -1
When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom: -2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh, extra-light panty liners with wings: +5
...But return with beer: -5

You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a bat: +10
...It's her father: -10

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side throughout the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2
...Named Tiffany: -4
...Tiffany is a dancer: -6
...Tiffany has implants: -8

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
...Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
It's all of the above and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10

A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal: -5
The pal is happily married: -4
...Or frighteningly single: -7
...And he drives a Mustang: -10
...With a personalized license plate ("GR8 N BED"): -15

A Night Out With Her:

You take her to a movie: +2
You take her to a movie she likes: +4
You take her to a movie you hate: +6
You take her to a movie you like: -2
...It's called DeathCop 3: -3
...Which features cyborgs having sex: -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly: -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it: +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -30
You say, "I don't give a damn because you have one too": -800

The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?": -5
You hesitate in responding: -10
You reply, "Where?": -35

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0
When she wants to talk, you listen for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +10
...She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -20

-=bmacd=-


-------------------
credit to Havik
 

anxi80

Lifer
Jul 7, 2002
12,294
2
0
Originally posted by: bmacd
You take her to a movie you like: -2
...It's called DeathCop 3: -3
...Which features cyborgs having sex: -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15

that part had me roling on the ground from laughter.
 

her209

No Lifer
Oct 11, 2000
56,336
11
0
Here's a guide I just made up to help all the women out there that just can't figure us out

Do what the guy wants: +1 pts
Didn't do what the guy wanted: -100 pts

Easy eh?
 

bmacd

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
10,869
1
0
Originally posted by: her209
Here's a guide I just made up to help all the women out there that just can't figure us out

Do what the guy wants: +1 pts
Didn't do what the guy wanted: -100 pts

Easy eh?

lol

-=bmacd=-
 

geno

Lifer
Dec 26, 1999
25,074
4
0
...It's called DeathCop 3: -3
...Which features cyborgs having sex: -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15
BAHAHAHAH!!! :D:D:D
 

Placer14

Platinum Member
Sep 17, 2001
2,225
0
76
Wait....so you lose JUST because she asked if she was fat? So your job is to not allow her to finish that question right and you can save your points.

Damn...she'll have to learn to not start questions with "Do I..?" or she'll NEVER get a word in.