The Real Debate
Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate between Vice
President
Al Gore
and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules:
I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and
deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women
voters. The opponent will then have one minute to respond by trying
to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a speaker's
time has expired, I will whimper softly while he continues to spew
incomprehensible statistics for three more minutes.Let's start with
the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you give us the name of a
downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her story in a way that
strains the bounds of common sense?
Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made love
the way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid
marriage, the downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My
opponent wants to cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans.
I, on the other hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in an iron
clad lockbox so they can't hurt old people like Robert Frampinhamper,
who is here tonight. Mrs. Frampinhamperhas been selling her internal
organs one by one, to pay for gas so that she can travel to these
debates and personify problems for me.
Also, her poodle has arthritis.Lehrer:
Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.
Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people,
crying with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity
exists. I want to empower those crying people to make their own
decisions, unlike my opponent , whose mother is not Barbara Bush.
Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan
Milosevic were to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would
you be able to pronounce his name?
Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that guy
and didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would do
about that guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And then
Dick would present me several options for dealing with that guy .
And then Dick would tell me which one to choose.
You know, as governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy
decisions every day about how we're going to deal with New Mexico.
Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.
Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly interested
in. I served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim
of poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the
Franco-Prussian War.
And when that war was over, I came home and tenderly made love to
Tipper in a way that any undecided woman voter would find romantic.
If I'm entrusted with the office of president, I pledge to deal
knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in
an iron clad lock box. Because the American people deserve a president
who can comfort them with simple metaphors.
Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security
system?
Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have
proposed changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000
to every senior citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a
single penny until the year 2250.
In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10 years to
guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to
their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help them
with the child-proof cap.
Lehrer: Gov. Bush?
Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have
to do math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether
I'm going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit
funds to reroof the sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.
Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.
Gore: I'm my own man I may not be the most exciting politician, but I
will fight for the working families of America, in addition to turning
the White House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper and me.
Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing
no one but Republicans.
Lehrer: Good night.
heheheh
Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate between Vice
President
Al Gore
and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules:
I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and
deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women
voters. The opponent will then have one minute to respond by trying
to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a speaker's
time has expired, I will whimper softly while he continues to spew
incomprehensible statistics for three more minutes.Let's start with
the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you give us the name of a
downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her story in a way that
strains the bounds of common sense?
Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made love
the way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid
marriage, the downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My
opponent wants to cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans.
I, on the other hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in an iron
clad lockbox so they can't hurt old people like Robert Frampinhamper,
who is here tonight. Mrs. Frampinhamperhas been selling her internal
organs one by one, to pay for gas so that she can travel to these
debates and personify problems for me.
Also, her poodle has arthritis.Lehrer:
Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.
Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people,
crying with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity
exists. I want to empower those crying people to make their own
decisions, unlike my opponent , whose mother is not Barbara Bush.
Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan
Milosevic were to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would
you be able to pronounce his name?
Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that guy
and didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would do
about that guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And then
Dick would present me several options for dealing with that guy .
And then Dick would tell me which one to choose.
You know, as governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy
decisions every day about how we're going to deal with New Mexico.
Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.
Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly interested
in. I served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim
of poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the
Franco-Prussian War.
And when that war was over, I came home and tenderly made love to
Tipper in a way that any undecided woman voter would find romantic.
If I'm entrusted with the office of president, I pledge to deal
knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in
an iron clad lock box. Because the American people deserve a president
who can comfort them with simple metaphors.
Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security
system?
Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have
proposed changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000
to every senior citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a
single penny until the year 2250.
In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10 years to
guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to
their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help them
with the child-proof cap.
Lehrer: Gov. Bush?
Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have
to do math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether
I'm going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit
funds to reroof the sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.
Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.
Gore: I'm my own man I may not be the most exciting politician, but I
will fight for the working families of America, in addition to turning
the White House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper and me.
Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing
no one but Republicans.
Lehrer: Good night.
heheheh
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