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The Origin of Christmas

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I just skimmed. I have to hurry. I am guarding a home from the Jews who are coming to drink Christian babies blood.

Could you summarize it for me?
 
I just skimmed. I have to hurry. I am guarding a home from the Jews who are coming to drink Christian babies blood.

Could you summarize it for me?

Yeah. On December 25th (that's right, Jesus was already using the Gregorian calendar) Jesus was born. Then Santa Clause was born from the very same vagina. The two babies declared the day a federal holiday and then totally made out.
 
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