the office Crock Pot

[TecHNooB]

10/10

Entertaining read

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
To the morning office crappers:

It is beyond me to care that you have to shit every morning at the office. Frankly I am happy for your regularity as I'm sure it provides much routine and peace of mind to you and your bowels.

I do think it's a little weird that you apparently sit on your fresh crap for 15 minutes while you read the paper. I know how shitting works, pal. You sit down and unless you're constipated, something drops within the first 2 minutes.

Now I know maybe it's not the most common thing - maybe you have never even heard of it - but give yourself and others a little courtesy flush. Flush that bad boy down and continue reading through the sports section AT YOUR OWN PACE - take your time! Sit on that crapper for 20 minutes and let your shit dry to your ass cheeks so it won't all wipe off cleanly for all I care. But DUDE, for the sake of everyone that has to enter the john during your morning ritual, flush the main culprit down because our EYES ARE WATERING the stench is so bad. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EAT ANYWAY?!

You don't need to sit on the fricking thing like you're hatching an egg... or do you think the of toilet as a shit crock pot? You slow cooking that turd? Surely you can feel the subtle heat from the bowl rising up for a moment after you drop it. As much as you enjoy your own flavour, remember that you can enjoy it at home, without interruption, any time you are away from work! We don't pay for the water here. FLUSH AWAY.

that is all. enjoy your day and please enjoy shit-hotboxing your bathroom and incubating in your own shit smell at home.

so your bowels dictate the way everyone else's work?

 

[Patt]

:laugh: ... next time bring your own matches, and light one or two to help disguise. Better yet, slide those bad boys under the wall, or tape them to the back of the stall door with a "Light me" message, or simply your text from the OP :laugh:

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so your bowels dictate the way everyone else's work?

what the heck do my bowels have anything to do with Joe Worker trying to hatch the shit egg?

weak, son. but +1 for j00.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: Patt
:laugh: ... next time bring your own matches, and light one or two to help disguise. Better yet, slide those bad boys under the wall, or tape them to the back of the stall door with a "Light me" message, or simply your text from the OP :laugh:

LMAO! i hadn't considered the matches and I have a few extra boxes at home

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so your bowels dictate the way everyone else's work?

what the heck do my bowels have anything to do with Joe Worker trying to hatch the shit egg?

weak, son. but +1 for j00.

huh?!?

anyway...not all people experiment with anal play and can just drop their load within 5 secs of sitting down. You can't expect that to be normal.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Patt
:laugh: ... next time bring your own matches, and light one or two to help disguise. Better yet, slide those bad boys under the wall, or tape them to the back of the stall door with a "Light me" message, or simply your text from the OP :laugh:

The day before spread lighter fluid all around the floor of the stall...

next day profit!

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so your bowels dictate the way everyone else's work?

what the heck do my bowels have anything to do with Joe Worker trying to hatch the shit egg?

weak, son. but +1 for j00.

huh?!?

anyway...not all people experiment with anal play and can just drop their load within 5 secs of sitting down. You can't expect that to be normal.

man, you're the coolest. this isn't tfnn, keep it PG ok?

 

[Turin39789]

Originally posted by: Modeps

Originally posted by: Safeway

Originally posted by: SirStev0
I remember when threads had standards.

Oh shut up. You were here less than a year before me. Only 1999 and 2000 members can post such elitist remarks.

I don't ever remember when threads here had standards.

I miss teh butter thread. I don't think it's even archived anymore, but I think someone has a copy saved somewhere.

 

[KillerCharlie]

When you crap, do you see gas bubbling out of your poop in the toilet water? No - courtesy flushes don't do anything.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so your bowels dictate the way everyone else's work?

what the heck do my bowels have anything to do with Joe Worker trying to hatch the shit egg?

weak, son. but +1 for j00.

huh?!?

anyway...not all people experiment with anal play and can just drop their load within 5 secs of sitting down. You can't expect that to be normal.

^ someone's constipated and cranky again i see.

 

[MegaVovaN]

9/10
too short

 

[OUCaptain]

Mine are usually sinkers. This minimizes turd to air contact time, and hence less stink. Besides, that's what air freshener is for. I'll usually finish at least an article or two from the magazine pile. Between Hot Rod and RC Heli, I've got plenty of reading.

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: AnonymouseUser
2/10

Shitty rant

I lol'd.

 

[Pepsei]

i play my psp while on the crapper.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so your bowels dictate the way everyone else's work?

what the heck do my bowels have anything to do with Joe Worker trying to hatch the shit egg?

weak, son. but +1 for j00.

huh?!?

anyway...not all people experiment with anal play and can just drop their load within 5 secs of sitting down. You can't expect that to be normal.

man, you're the coolest. this isn't tfnn, keep it PG ok?

don't cry man, that's even less manly. You talking about shit eggs was hardly PG either. Here is a tissue, you can go help him wipe up.

 

[ultimatebob]

This sounds like good time management to me! Not only are you getting paid for taking a dump (double bonus if you get paid hourly!), but you get a few minutes for private reading time where you can be fairly certain that your boss isn't going to bug you!

Hell... maybe I should take this to the next level and get an iPhone or an Asus EEE for some "toilet surfing" off the company WiFi connection!

 

[Fritzo]

I like taking 20 minute potty breaks while playing Monopoly on my cell phone. I can finish a whole game

Poor rant, you're not a real man because you don't poop correctly. -10/10.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex
1/10

unoriginal and its been done to death

you're such a prick it hurts to read your posts.

lol, i love you too. :heart:

dig up the other rants, you got nothing better to do. i'm ready to take the Pepsi motherfacking rant Challenge.

GTFO :|

Simmer down, OP, or you might get us thinking about a "courtesy flush" of our own.

Perknose
AnandTech ESM

 

[Safeway]

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex
1/10

unoriginal and its been done to death

you're such a prick it hurts to read your posts.

lol, i love you too. :heart:

dig up the other rants, you got nothing better to do. i'm ready to take the Pepsi motherfacking rant Challenge.

GTFO :|

Simmer down, OP, or you might get us thinking about a "courtesy flush" of our own.

Perknose
AnandTech ESM

Meltdown is too nice to flush. He is the kind of turd you take a picture of and post on ATOT.

 

[meltdown75]

.

simmered

Thanks.

Perknose
AnandTech ESM

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: Safeway

Originally posted by: Perknose

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: pontifex
1/10

unoriginal and its been done to death

you're such a prick it hurts to read your posts.

lol, i love you too. :heart:

dig up the other rants, you got nothing better to do. i'm ready to take the Pepsi motherfacking rant Challenge.

GTFO :|

Simmer down, OP, or you might get us thinking about a "courtesy flush" of our own.

Perknose
AnandTech ESM

Meltdown is too nice to flush. He is the kind of turd you take a picture of and post on ATOT.

Those, like you, who are stirring the pot must stop, too. This is not a big deal, and no repercussions are imminent, but bitching over this rant is just adding insult to injury.

Perknose
AnandTech ESM