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The most offensive statement ever

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LOL you guys are going deep. See? Its totally possible to say some world class offensive shit without going all racist. There are still some things that people either won't touch or they tread lightly on. I'll let you figure it out.
Also, I bet I'm the only sober one here tonight.
Notice how my weirdness stays nice and level, nice and consistent. I am sanely insane day or night.
 
This statement/paragraph I read is so offensive:

Feeling Like You’re Owed - You aren’t owed anything in life. You were born; the rest is up to you. Life doesn’t owe you anything. Others don’t owe you anything. If you want something in life, you only owe it to yourself to go out and get it. In life, there are no handouts.
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<sarcastic>
 
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Facts are generally the most offensive things.

Fact: Achy Breaky Heart went 3z platinum in Australia, but only 1x platinum in the US.
 
You're as sharp as a tennis ball.

With what you don't know I could fill a book on the subject.

I knew this great one about Jonestown, but the punchline was too long.
 
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Nothing but stupidity combined with authority offends me, but I am fond of the language in the Orangeman's oath.

To the Glorious,Pious, and Immortal Memory of King William the Third,Prince of Orange, who delivered us from Popes and Popery, Knaves and Knavery, Slaves and Slavery, Brass Money, and Wooden Shoes, and He that Will Not Take thisToast May He Be Damn'd,Cramm'd, and Jamm'd Down the Great Gun of Athlone, and the Gun Fired in the Pope's Belly, and the Pope Fired in the Devil's Belly, and the Devil Fired into Hell, and the Door Lock'd, and the Key Forever in the Pocket of a Stout Orangeman. And Here's a Fart for the Bishop of Cork!

c.1890 'The Orange Toast', traditional Protestant Irish.
 
A couple is about to have a baby and the doctor asks the father, "We have a new machine that allows to pass 50% of the pain of childbirth to the father. Would you like to give it a shot?" The couple smiles at each other and he agrees to use it. "Okay", says the doctor, "it's powered at 10%, do you feel anything?" He felt nothing. "Alright, 20%!" Again he felt nothing. 30 and 40 percent and he still felt nothing. They increased it to 70, 80, and finally the doctor got frustrated and increased to full power. The wife felt no pain and the child was born healthy. When they arrived home from the hospital, they were surprised to find the dead corpse of their mailman, on their front lawn, covered in a pool of his vomit.
 
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.

What do they have in common with the USA? When the economy crashes it's because of Wall St.
 
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