- Apr 23, 2003
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Right, so, a while ago I signed up on one of those "personals" sites under one of my assumed names for s%$ts and giggles. (Okay, and the obvious pics of hot girls) Anyway, lo and behold I'm registered on the site for oh, say, 5 minutes before I get a message. Shocker, it's spam. An enticing message promising all sorts of hot, dirty sex if only I'd message her back, which of course requires me to upgrade to the super special membership for the low low fee of "whatever we can charge up on your card before you cancel it." This is, of course, assuming I could ignore the fact that this fictional slutty girl lives on the exact opposite end of the state from where I listed myself as coming from.
But that wasn't the last, no no no. It's pretty much been a stream of constant, blatantly bot-constructed profiles and spam since day 1. It's actually somewhat entertaining; it's like watching porn if it were directed by HAL 9000.
Anywho, I was reading today's latest come-on when I stumbled across a winner. It wasn't the message itself that was funny, more the profile. Here's what this fictional woman -- again, on the wrong side of the state -- says in her introduction:
I love Jesus
Jesus killed my husband with a car
I still love Jesus
That's an interesting angle, I have to admit, but it's sort of ruined by the entry for "what I'm looking for":
All I can say is, "good times, good times."
EDIT: spelling is good
But that wasn't the last, no no no. It's pretty much been a stream of constant, blatantly bot-constructed profiles and spam since day 1. It's actually somewhat entertaining; it's like watching porn if it were directed by HAL 9000.
Anywho, I was reading today's latest come-on when I stumbled across a winner. It wasn't the message itself that was funny, more the profile. Here's what this fictional woman -- again, on the wrong side of the state -- says in her introduction:
A lot of text, so cliffs:
I love Jesus
Jesus killed my husband with a car
I still love Jesus
That's an interesting angle, I have to admit, but it's sort of ruined by the entry for "what I'm looking for":
Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there, Basic Instinct. You love Jesus, and he tells you have sex with random guys? And the husband... all I can say is that I'd hope he's never home much, what with him being dead. Or do you keep him around? Or... yeech, did you mean that censored word in an entirely different meaning? Listen honey, I'm as kinky as Ron Jeremy's pubes, but there's some places I won't go. Also, Jesus isn't telling you to bone random guys while your dead husband watches, you're just not opening the windows enough when you clean the floors. Kthxbye.
All I can say is, "good times, good times."
EDIT: spelling is good
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