The Loving Husband

[jEnus]

The Loving Husband:
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they
were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home,
when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days
later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

 

[Kwaipie]

Subject: Ed was in trouble.


He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6
seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window, and sure enough,
there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Very confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand
new bathroom scale.

 

[EmperorIQ]

Originally posted by: Kwaipie
Subject: Ed was in trouble.


He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6
seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window, and sure enough,
there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Very confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand
new bathroom scale.

8/10

 

[Syringer]

First 9/10, 2nd 7.5/10

 

[DanTMWTMP]

Originally posted by: EmperorIQ

Originally posted by: Kwaipie
Subject: Ed was in trouble.


He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect
to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6
seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window, and sure enough,
there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Very confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,
brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand
new bathroom scale.

8/10

hahaha

 

[paulney]

First 5/10 (old)
Second 9/10

 

[Xstatic1]

There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings.

A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 at a really good price ... ; and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... ; it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks all those present:

"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

 

[Journer]

first 5/10
2nd 7/10

 

[spacejamz]

Before turning into for bed that night, the wife was standing in front the mirror. She asks her husband, "Honey, do you think I should get some breast implants?"

He replies "No, honey, you look perfect and don't need to change anything."

She then says "Are you sure? I thought every guy wanted their wife to have them."

He tells her, "If you really want bigger breasts, I think I know something you can try that will be cheaper and less painful. Just take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts every day. They will get huge in no time."

Puzzled, she says, "Are sure that will work?"

He replies, "Well, it worked on your @ss, didn't it???"

 

[Xstatic1]

Originally posted by: spacejamz

Before turning into for bed that night, the wife was standing in front the mirror. She asks her husband, "Honey, do you think I should get some breast implants?"

He replies "No, honey, you look perfect and don't need to change anything."

She then says "Are you sure? I thought every guy wanted their wife to have them."

He tells her, "If you really want bigger breasts, I think I know something you can try that will be cheaper and less painful. Just take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts every day. They will get huge in no time."

Puzzled, she says, "Are sure that will work?"

He replies, "Well, it worked on your @ss, didn't it???"

that was a good one. :thumbsup:

 

[Kev]

Originally posted by: Xstatic1
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings.

A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 at a really good price ... ; and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... ; it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks all those present:

"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

predictable