The History of Xenu by L. Ron Hubbard himself

[JulesMaximus]

Quotes are golden! :laugh:MFAO!!!

Omitted from the video: the part where he cackles maniacally, rubs his hands and says "Suckers!", then goes off to dive into his room full of money, a la Scrooge McDuck.

It's the stammering, and "uhs" and "ums" that really let you know you are hearing the word of truth. Well, that and the cackling in the background. He just sounds like a barely sobered-up hack pitching the lamest idea for a sci-fi movie ever, but of course we know that he's so much more.

Yeah, the presentation's a bit boring, but in his defense, the whole story is intended to be sung to the tune of Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone.

It's the ascot that's making me an unbeliever.

Did he just say "goof the floof"?

What a loon.

 

[DangerAardvark]

Originally posted by: Anubis

Originally posted by: BladeVenom

Originally posted by: JohnCU
let's say someone told you that a virgin had a baby and he died and came back to life, would you believe that? nonsense FTL.

You'd have to be superstitious and ignorant to think that a loss of virginity is required for pregnancy. Artificial insemination and parthenogenesis don't require sexual activity.

If I didn't think a dead person could come back to life, I wouldn't have learned CPR.

i may be mistaken but i dont think they had artificial insemination 2000+ years ago

No, but they had turkey basters. Actually, I don't think they had turkey basters either.

 

[jjzelinski]

Originally posted by: GeordieLife
The man is a genius really. The number of people he's roped in to his nonsense is astonishing. Fair play.

All come worship at the feet of me. I am an emissary from the Geordie System. We came here millions of years ago and made dinosaurs from plasticine. I broke wind and they came to life. Oooooh magics. Give me some money too. I'll even write a book and design some machinery to prove that I'm telling the truth!

lol

 

[ric1287]

Originally posted by: BladeVenom

Originally posted by: JohnCU
let's say someone told you that a virgin had a baby and he died and came back to life, would you believe that? nonsense FTL.

You'd have to be superstitious and ignorant to think that a loss of virginity is required for pregnancy. Artificial insemination and parthenogenesis don't require sexual activity.

If I didn't think a dead person could come back to life, I wouldn't have learned CPR.

you can give CPR to yourself?

 

[jjzelinski]

Originally posted by: Anubis

Originally posted by: Corbett

Originally posted by: JohnCU
let's say someone told you that a virgin had a baby and he died and came back to life, would you believe that? nonsense FTL.

I guess if said baby were predicted thousands of years earlier, and then said baby also went on to perform amazing miracles we had never seen before nor since, and then said baby was crucified (as predicted) and then rose again 3 days later (as predicted), then yes, I'd believe it. Ooops, that DID happen.

ORLY!?!?!?!

NONOTRLY

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Corbett

Originally posted by: JohnCU
let's say someone told you that a virgin had a baby and he died and came back to life, would you believe that? nonsense FTL.

I guess if said baby were predicted thousands of years earlier, and then said baby also went on to perform amazing miracles we had never seen before nor since, and then said baby was crucified (as predicted) and then rose again 3 days later (as predicted), then yes, I'd believe it. Ooops, that DID happen.

Sure it did.

 

[jjzelinski]

Originally posted by: Kadarin

Originally posted by: Corbett

Originally posted by: JohnCU
let's say someone told you that a virgin had a baby and he died and came back to life, would you believe that? nonsense FTL.

I guess if said baby were predicted thousands of years earlier, and then said baby also went on to perform amazing miracles we had never seen before nor since, and then said baby was crucified (as predicted) and then rose again 3 days later (as predicted), then yes, I'd believe it. Ooops, that DID happen.

Sure it did.

HOOOOOOLY SHIT desktop for life hahahahaha!

 

[DrPizza]

Someone should form a parody religion to Scientology.

 

[grrl]

I've read that Scientology distances itself from this nonsense by stating you don't have to believe any of the creation story, to be a Scientologist you only have to live according to their principles - and keep writing checks, I suppose.

 

[preslove]

Originally posted by: Corbett

Originally posted by: JohnCU
let's say someone told you that a virgin had a baby and he died and came back to life, would you believe that? nonsense FTL.

I guess if said baby were predicted thousands of years earlier, and then said baby also went on to perform amazing miracles we had never seen before nor since, and then said baby was crucified (as predicted) and then rose again 3 days later (as predicted), then yes, I'd believe it. Ooops, that DID happen.

The theology of those predictions is spurious. Jews, the best scholars of the old testament (it's their damn religion) think that Christians are crazy for believing that. You know why? Because Paul was some convert who told Non-Jews, outside of Judea, what the Jewish Messianic figure was all about. That douche made shit up and totally perverted what Jesus actually preached. The main planks of Christianity are Pagan in theme and origin (Paul was a convert from a Pagan town in modern day Turkey), and have very little actual content that fits with the Jewish source.

And Jesus was a Jew.

Your religion is bullshit.
Read this.

 

[randay]

Apparently this thread is not about Xena, the warrior princess.

 

[preslove]

Originally posted by: randay
Apparently this thread is not about Xena, the warrior princess.

You know, Lucy Lawless's mom was a virgin divinely inseminated by a drunk angel. 7 times. True fact.

 

[Squisher]

I want what LRH was smoking. I mean he was just winging it, right? I heard sniffing glue is quite a trip. Maybe, that. Cheech and Chong have nothing on LRH, man. Far out.