The American Family is Dead...

[s0me0nesmind1]

Sorry but I have to rant about this...

So I used to grow up knowing the importance of family... of always being there for eachother and supporting one another. I also knew it was good to keep in contact with family - know what is going on, see eachother every now and then, etc... I'm not talking about direct family here. I'm mainly talking about uncles, aunts, cousins, etc...

So as introverted as I am, I have tried to maintain this culture a bit. I feel it's good to have family gatherings in general. Is taking a few hour car ride to another city to spend a weekend with family that big of a burden on people's life? I'm just talking once or twice a year or so...

Anyhow, I've stopped by my Uncles place in a city 3 hours away to hang out with my Uncle/Aunt - as well as my cousins there. I know my uncle and aunt aren't going to be around in the next 20 years, so I feel it's important to try to stay close with my cousins. They never come down to see us - nor even try to reach out and contact us. They just sit at home and post their entire life on Facebook. It's really getting pathetic. Same goes for my family in California and Florida.

No one wants to communicate or talk anymore. Hell, they won't even email. I've tried the text message route but they might just send 1 answer with no real drive to continue conversing. So I'm at that point where I've given up and just feel defeated. They are just downright pathetic people with no honest point of existence as they sit in their boring little bubble world of Facebooking what they ate for dinner. Bravo - I hope you feel like your life is fulfilled as you do such awesome things as making dinner. Whats next, pulling up your pants on your own? Making breakfast? Don't go too far now...

Anyhow, /rant off. Not sure if this is just me or everyone. I am expecting it's probably everyone as we live more in a work-culture and moving for jobs kind of thing. I've at least tried to put some effort into it though...

 

[sandorski]

Well, I'm a family member that's very much like your family members you're ranting about. I like my bubble and do enjoy being with the family on occasion, but I don't go out of my way to be with them.

Why this is the case I'm not sure. Probably a combination of Distance, Busy lives, many opportunities of distraction, relative ease of life in general. Not too long ago Families lived within a short distance of one another, often working together and having regular face to face contact. That often no longer exists for many, so they find non-family members to fill the role Family used to fill.

 

[bfun_x1]

It seems like a cultural thing. From what I've noticed, Latino, Asian, Indians, and most other American minorities are closer with their families than white people are.

 

[Hugo Drax]

Yeah Latino (My culture) Holy shit My parents if it was up to them would still want me living at home. We definately are tight nit and help eachother out (I paid my parents mortgage off and forced my dad to retire at 62 and got my mom to retire as well when she hit 62) He would have died if he was still working. All my assets when I die will end up going to my Nieces for example (I have 3 so each gets one house LOL ie my mancave/music studio house and house next door and the other house we bought put my MIL to live in so she can live comfortably.)

I notice Anglo Whites are super distant from thier children, and it is so common to hear them getting disinherited as well which is so weird. One example I know of Its like you have a Son etc.. and you chose to hand over your paid for home to the neighbors instead of your flesh and blood trying to make ends meet because you did not like the person he married 15 years ago. His parents passed away and the hispanic neigbors now live in the house that really should have gone to him and his child. SO WEIRD.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Family is only as important as they want to be. I have family that is just horrible and who I wouldn’t trust to watch my cats. I have friends who I would trust with my life. Don’t place your trust with people just because you are related to them. Only a fool does that.

 

[darkswordsman17]

I think the OP is missing the simplest answer. They just don't like you. There could be plenty of reasons for that. Or maybe they just realize they don't have much in common with you so they don't want to try and force awkward situations.

This makes me think of my sister. She decides that she wants to not have a TV in their dining room for some reason. So instead they just sit there in silence eating like that's somehow better, its just weird. Sometimes the issue isn't what you think and you're just trying to believe that it is so you won't have to consider the actual issue.

 

[13Gigatons]

Plenty of white families are close knit, at least the ones I know.

 

[shortylickens]

for white people maybe. for blacks definitely.
but the hispanics and asians are doing quite well.

 

[dud]

If true, what does the future hold for this country?

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

I think the OP is missing the simplest answer. They just don't like you. There could be plenty of reasons for that. Or maybe they just realize they don't have much in common with you so they don't want to try and force awkward situations.

This makes me think of my sister. She decides that she wants to not have a TV in their dining room for some reason. So instead they just sit there in silence eating like that's somehow better, its just weird. Sometimes the issue isn't what you think and you're just trying to believe that it is so you won't have to consider the actual issue.

You think it's weird to not have a TV on during dinner? Man, there is something wrong with you if that's how you feel. You're exactly what I'm describing if you don't understand the importance of communicating and talking with one another over a small 20-30 minute dinner.

Also, I don't necessarily think it's because they don't like me - not that I care either. I'm 99% sure it's just people that live in their bubble that don't want the possibility of a slightly awkward conversation. So they avoid any conversation that isn't via text, etc..

Family is only as important as they want to be. I have family that is just horrible and who I wouldn’t trust to watch my cats. I have friends who I would trust with my life. Don’t place your trust with people just because you are related to them. Only a fool does that.

I agree, but it's not really about trust persay - just staying in contact with one another. I'm not trying to lean on them to watch my dogs or take me in, but rather to just not forget about eachother and (perhaps) gather on occasion (even once a year) and have some beers over a barbecue.

 

[purbeast0]

When the NFL starts I typically spend more time with my siblings than during the non-football season. I host every week for the most part and the come over with their kids and all of the kids play while we watch football. During the rest of the year other than holidays we will occassionally try to get everyone together to hang out, but it's just tough with everyone having such different schedules. Holidays though, we always get together usually at my moms house.

I do agree with what others posted up above about it being cultural too. I'm a white American married to a Nicaraguan who moved here when she was 13, and it's clear that her family is closer than my family ever was. Same with when I traveled to Nicaragua and met her family. All of her cousins, aunts, uncles, etc, all lived in literally the same neighborhood like a 5 minute max walk to get to everyone's house. You see it too here in the states with latina families and you will have more than just immediate families living together.

 

[Mayne]

My brother and my little sister and their children and me used to go every year to a little town a couple hours away from us to visit our aunt and all our cousins. They had a fireworks festival every year...we did this for 10 straight years. Then a few years back, we all got kicked off their property because they thought my nephew stole some booze..yes the same nephew I talk about all the time.

I felt real bad for my brother because he always went the extra mile during this yearly event...taking all the kids on helicopter rides and carnival rides. He was pretty devastated when we got told to leave....and my cousin said some pretty nasty stuff on facebook about us as we drove back to Toronto. Oh well, I guess we'll meet them again during funerals.

 

[BarkingGhostar]

My [so called] family is built upon a line of diasporic people. And since this was in place prior to my coming into the world how can I say it was ab/normal during my formative years? BTW, my family's line has been here for more than a couple of centuries so that family style is what got us here well before some others.

 

[JulesMaximus]

You think it's weird to not have a TV on during dinner? Man, there is something wrong with you if that's how you feel. You're exactly what I'm describing if you don't understand the importance of communicating and talking with one another over a small 20-30 minute dinner.

Also, I don't necessarily think it's because they don't like me - not that I care either. I'm 99% sure it's just people that live in their bubble that don't want the possibility of a slightly awkward conversation. So they avoid any conversation that isn't via text, etc..

I agree, but it's not really about trust persay - just staying in contact with one another. I'm not trying to lean on them to watch my dogs or take me in, but rather to just not forget about each other and (perhaps) gather on occasion (even once a year) and have some beers over a barbecue.

I’m close to my sister and our mom. My brother is kind of a solitary person so we don’t talk much but when we see each other we always have a good time.. I have cousins who are total whack jobs though who I do not talk to at all.

I try to see my immediate family at least once a year as they live across the country from me. We see my wife’s family around once a month as they live closer.

 

[nakedfrog]

I think the OP is missing the simplest answer. They just don't like you. There could be plenty of reasons for that. Or maybe they just realize they don't have much in common with you so they don't want to try and force awkward situations.

This makes me think of my sister. She decides that she wants to not have a TV in their dining room for some reason. So instead they just sit there in silence eating like that's somehow better, its just weird. Sometimes the issue isn't what you think and you're just trying to believe that it is so you won't have to consider the actual issue.

How long has it been? Maybe they just need to get used to conversing during dinner.

 

[TXHokie]

I used to enjoy family gatherings when I was younger...then the family drama started when the in-laws family got involved. There's three things you do not bring up at a big family gathering: religion, politics, and how to raise kids. I just avoid it now and have much funner time with friends with kids.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Ehh, I have family members I love to hang out with and visit, and I have family members that stress me the fuck out.
I can only handle so much of the stressful ones.

 

[soulcougher73]

I prefer friends. At least i get to pick them

 

[FeuerFrei]

My uncles and aunts live 1400 miles away so I can't comment on closeness. I think the nearest outer-family member resides 800 miles away. I see them every few years hopefully, or not. But as a whole my relatives are well-adjusted friendly talkers, so I don't want for fellowship around them. They're a bunch of teachers / psychologists / counselors so ... go figure.

White powaahhh!

 

[Homerboy]

Out of curiosity and to stir the pot a bit, what exactly is the importance of being close with family versus being close with friends? Is there some reason why you have to/should be close with family?

 

[BurnItDwn]

Out of curiosity and to stir the pot a bit, what exactly is the importance of being close with family versus being close with friends? Is there some reason why you have to/should be close with family?

Only real reasons are loyalty and tradition.
Traditions are mostly worthless, but, loyalty can be important. Nobody wants to hang out with a bunch of treacherous traitors.

 

[Homerboy]

Only real reasons are loyalty and tradition.
Traditions are mostly worthless, but, loyalty can be important. Nobody wants to hang out with a bunch of treacherous traitors.

Why is loyalty guaranteed (or even expected) within a family? Can't the same loyalty be found outside of a family? I'm guessing there are LOTS of families (past, present and future) where loyalty is significantly missing.

I dunno. I find it interesting that a close-knit family is something that we need to strive for in today's world.

 

[Red Squirrel]

It's actually kind of sad indeed, I think of lot of family that I never see even though they live right here. I should try to make a case to go visit them more often. Though everybody has busy lives because of work so it makes it harder to organize stuff. At least there's Christmas though, but it's kinda sad that it's the only time that the whole family gets together. That, and funerals... sadly.

I have a few cousins that I used to always hang around with as a kid and now hardly ever see. I should really try to get in touch and we need to hang out more. I don't even know their phone numbers, it's kind of bad.

The thing I really did started though is to visit my grandparents more often. Lost my great grandma a few years back, and my grandma on my dad's side. Grandpa passed when I was young. So have both grandparents on my mom's side left. They're still relatively healthy so I really need to visit them while they are still doing well. I practically grew up with them as a kid, used to always go camping with them. Time goes by too fast and next thing you know they'll be gone. This is the one thing I hate the most about being older, that time goes by too fast. It's like racing against my own death clock while watching everyone around me die. Any time I pass by my deceased grandma's house it's sad to realize I can't just go knock on the door and go see her. Something I should have done more often when she was still alive.

 

[Mayne]

removed.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

It's actually kind of sad indeed, I think of lot of family that I never see even though they live right here. I should try to make a case to go visit them more often. Though everybody has busy lives because of work so it makes it harder to organize stuff. At least there's Christmas though, but it's kinda sad that it's the only time that the whole family gets together. That, and funerals... sadly.

I have a few cousins that I used to always hang around with as a kid and now hardly ever see. I should really try to get in touch and we need to hang out more. I don't even know their phone numbers, it's kind of bad.

The thing I really did started though is to visit my grandparents more often. Lost my great grandma a few years back, and my grandma on my dad's side. Grandpa passed when I was young. So have both grandparents on my mom's side left. They're still relatively healthy so I really need to visit them while they are still doing well. I practically grew up with them as a kid, used to always go camping with them. Time goes by too fast and next thing you know they'll be gone. This is the one thing I hate the most about being older, that time goes by too fast. It's like racing against my own death clock while watching everyone around me die. Any time I pass by my deceased grandma's house it's sad to realize I can't just go knock on the door and go see her. Something I should have done more often when she was still alive.

Yeah, as a kid growing up I had a Grandma that would organize a family reunion every 2 years or so. We would rent out a beach house in Florida, everyone would chip in and everyone would come down to hangout for about a week.

Tons of fun as the kids like me played sports games, play on the beach, play videogames, play card games/board games... the Adults would drink excessively and play poker games.

Miss those good times