The Amazon Contrarian Game - check this out.

[Entity]

This is hilarious.

http://www.waxy.org/archive/2004/07/01/amazonco.shtml

Here's a fun game... First, look up the most popular and critically-acclaimed books, movies, and music on Amazon. Click on "Customer Reviews," and sort them by "Lowest Rating First." Hilarity ensues! It's the Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game!

On the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds:

"It's full of bland harmonizing by guys that could barely swim."

On the Shawshank Redemption:

"And finally ... what kind of ending is it where two dudes are together on a beach."

Rob

 

[EvilYoda]

ah well, can't please everyone. haters.

 

[Entity]

On Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea:

This book sucks. Only a depressed person would like this book. The old man is lonely and keeps trying to fish but doesn't catch any. It's like that old saying, if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything, but this old man failed. Only a depressed person would like it

On 2001: A Space Odyssey

"I don't understand half the movie and in order to understand even half of it you have to watch 2010 you'd have to be high to like this movie or very stupid fittingly my roomate liked it because he is both maybe thats the reason I don't understand this movie because i'm not some stupid stoner man this movie is horrible and if i was a POW and someone made me watch this movie as toucher i'd tell them anything cause this movie is tourture the only thing good about it is the special effects and that song The Blue Danube thats it don't waste your time or money unless you run a POW camp then you'd probably like this movie remember jsut guard your eyes or your tourchering yourself to man this movie sucks"

 

[nakedfrog]

Heh, the Abbey Road one is pretty funny too:
"I bought this album because I totally thought the guy on the right was Kate Hudson's husband. So I mean, I THOUGHT I was scoring some QUALITY stoner grooves or like, something kinda White Stripey.

Dude, was I wrong.

Like, are there ANY phat beats on this thing? Um, NO--I heard they don't tour at all--I bet they can't dance, 'cause not one of their boy band harmonies has a kickin' beat behind it, so what's the point?

And what's with the look? I mean, dude, hit a gymn already, and like, catch Queer Eye like even once, and get some product in your hair.

And those lyrics...they don't take it from the streets to the suburbs (props to Eminem) or the suburbs to the suburbs (shout out to tha Kid)--in fact THEY DON'T RAP AT ALL. I Want You (She's So Heavy)--I mean, sure we all want the hot girl, but do you have to make the other girl who's fat feel bad by telling her that? Too cold. And what's with Carry That Weight--is the guy going with the fat girl after all, or has he gotten fat himself? Confusing. Give Me "your body is a wonderland" any day.

Speaking of heavy, forget slammin' tracks--these guys are ENGLISH, so they don't hit it like like Korn or Limp Bizkit or Phantom Planet. And okay, yeah, Sun King was kind of cool to chill to, but it would be better if it lasted like, twenty minutes with the same downbeats going all the way through--you can't get halfway through your doobie before the song is like, over. And Polythene Pam right after? Freaked me out, man.

So, in summary, check out a real band like Incubus. "

 

[BigSmooth]

There are 2 out of 117 reviews of Steely Dan's "Aja" that are less than 4 stars. One that is 3 stars, and this 1-star gem (emphasis mine):

"This album, as well as all of the other Steely Dan records, represent where music from the 70's went sour. The 70's did provide listners with an excellent array of artists. But with Steely Dan, we are left with yet another lounge jazz-rock band, whom you are better off spending $4 for a screwdriver at your local Ramada Inn's bar and listening to their house band, than spending the $12 it costs to buy this, or any other Steely Dan CD. In simple terms, the music is corny and generic beyond belief. And the lyrics are reminiscent of an elementary school's poetry fair."

 

[gistech1978]

for Beatles - Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

I CANT BELEVE PPL STILL LYK DIS CRAP!!! GET SUM NEW STUFF!!! I RECOMMEND X-TINAS STRIPPED OR BRITNEYS IN THE ZONE! BOTH AMAZING CDS!!1 HELL GET NSYNC, BUT THERE KINDA OLD NOW! GET ANYTHING BUT DIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by:
Fred Durst's Numba One Fann
Hey everyone, how are ya?? One day a friend of mine brought this CD over to my house and started playing it and singing the songs real loud. It started to get on my nerves, cuz the guys sounded like a wimpy version of Oasis, only with a lot of dumb hippy-dippy peace and love fluff thrown in for bad measure!! Ever since Phish burst onto the scene a few years ago, there has been a lot of this type of muzik going around, and this album is by far the cheesiest I've heard!! "When I'm 64" is the most dumb thing I've heard!! I'd look into something more hard edged like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Staind, Seether, Trapt, Puddle Of Mudd, Ja Rule, Mystikal and skip this waste of an album. Peace out all...

 

[preslove]

Reading these reviews reminded me of why the world is so fvcked up: so many idiots.

 

[konichiwa]

How about this review of the King James Bible:

Apart from the leather, this book isn't really any good
It lacks consistency
Constant repetition yet also hypocracy of previous chapters within the same sentance
It's almost as if someone wrote this is some kind of a joke!

Also, It's somewhat long. This is mainly due to the repetition, and the "bonus chapter" of Psalms at the end which are thoughtful passages about sheep and other gentle wildstock

I think this "extra" is aimed at the Welsh

The Old Testament is generally more entertaining than the New
there are a few events where the main protaganist "God" gets angry and knocks over a wall which kills 27,000 people

Bit harsh I thought - But Entertaining

But When we get to the New Testament this book takes a sudden change and plot. The new approach is to make the Book even more boring than before and to just have 10 identical chapters talking about "Jesus" - The new main protagonist who is the son of the old one "God"

Less entertaining things happen such as not taking into account the need of food at a big Jesus seminar and then Jesus finding some fish to feed them and save the day. And something about him entering an anorexic stage and walking on water. I would skip this part.

I think A better name for this would have been
"Testament Re-spawned- The Second Coming - New Generation"
But The "New Testament" was somehow chosen instead

With a combined 72 authors working on this book I was expecting alot more for my £20. It's simply full of incorrectly organised sentances, made-up words and boring events

Also, when I found out half of this book (the new bit) can be found for free in hotels inside drawers made me very angry
I feel like I've been conned

Anyway - I turned the leather into a decent wallet for Father's day so All was not a loss.

Overall rating - 1/5

But not in a blashpemous/sac-religous way.

Hahaha

 

[Encryptic]

Originally posted by: gistech1978
for Beatles - Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

I CANT BELEVE PPL STILL LYK DIS CRAP!!! GET SUM NEW STUFF!!! I RECOMMEND X-TINAS STRIPPED OR BRITNEYS IN THE ZONE! BOTH AMAZING CDS!!1 HELL GET NSYNC, BUT THERE KINDA OLD NOW! GET ANYTHING BUT DIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by:
Fred Durst's Numba One Fann
Hey everyone, how are ya?? One day a friend of mine brought this CD over to my house and started playing it and singing the songs real loud. It started to get on my nerves, cuz the guys sounded like a wimpy version of Oasis, only with a lot of dumb hippy-dippy peace and love fluff thrown in for bad measure!! Ever since Phish burst onto the scene a few years ago, there has been a lot of this type of muzik going around, and this album is by far the cheesiest I've heard!! "When I'm 64" is the most dumb thing I've heard!! I'd look into something more hard edged like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Staind, Seether, Trapt, Puddle Of Mudd, Ja Rule, Mystikal and skip this waste of an album. Peace out all...

Jesus....this just floors me. Are people actually so fscking stupid/out of touch that they don't know who the fscking Beatles are? :roll:

 

[Wuffsunie]

I have to agree with the review of J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"

"A dull, pendantic book about a dull, pedantic hypocrite."

Gawd, I hated that book. A very incarnation of pointlessness.

I loved the review of Lawrence of Arabia that complained about the black bars. Of course it's morons like that that created the proliferation of full screen DVDs we see now.

Cat in the hat is gold, though.

Clearly the "cat in the hat" represents a satanic creature or symbol, whose sole purpose is the corruption and temptation of the children. He is DEMONIZING them! The fish represents reason and sensibility (God), and the author has made the cat satan... so look at this: Cats EAT fish

 

[Encryptic]

J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"

* "This book was linked with the murders of John Lennon, and actress Rebecca Schaeffer. How could this book be around, when so many nutcases use it for such things?"

Evidently they've forgotten about Mein Kampf and the Bible, to name a couple of obvious examples.

 

[Thump553]

Originally posted by: konichiwa
How about this review of the King James Bible:

Apart from the leather, this book isn't really any good

For some reason I find this opening line very funny, in a British sort of way.

 

[Zenmervolt]

On my favourite fiction book, Catch-22:

This book is not funny. In my opinion, this book is so so so not funny. The humor is like Saturday night live humor (post chris farley) only without the pretty images you get with TV. The writing is incredibly long-winded (he needed to EDIT, he needed a COMPUTER) and Heller always chooses the MORE OBSCURE word over the more ACCESSIBLE, STUPIDER (Heller probably thought) word. Heller thinks he's real smart just cause he can use big, rarely used words.

A taste of his humor: one of the guys is named MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR, and then, in the army, he becomes a MAJOR. So he's major major major major. This is fine, except it's stupid, and not funny, and probably the simplest humor possible, in the universe. Like in Nobakov's Lolita: HUMBERT HUMBERT. What is with these people? Is this supposed to be funny? To put the same word a bunch of times in a row?

So in conclusion, Heller thinks he's real smart, and his idea of humor is making someone's name the same word over and over again (maybe I would've found this funny when I was 5, though it wouldn't really be funny, EVEN AT 5, I probably would've just thought the author a PRETENTIOUS NERD). Yes, a pretentious nerd.

For a better "anti-war" book, read slaughterhouse five by kurt vonnegut. For another really crappy pretentious, overrated book, read Lolita. This is all in my opinion, of course.

How many people have lied to themselves that they liked this book, just cause it's supposedly a CLASSIC, I do not know. But probably a lot. This and Lolita are the two worst books I have ever read. Think of how many hours people have spent reading this a Lolita. With that kind of time spent, the human race could've probably built a space ship and a space colony on pluto and cured cancer and some other stuff.

And this next one was a real jem:

I hate books with lots of characters. And this one had a ton. It seems like every chapter had five new people id "meet", then forget about a few chapters later. I kept reading it, but I just couldnt stand it. I stopped abut half-way through

ZV

 

[Pudgygiant]

Originally posted by: Zenmervolt
On my favourite fiction book, Catch-22:

For a better "anti-war" book, read slaughterhouse five by kurt vonnegut.

ZV

Yeah, because Slaughterhouse Five isn't pretentious at all :roll: I mean, don't get me wrong, Vonnegut is great, but he tried way too hard with Slaughterhouse Five.

Anyway... Orwell's 1984:

1984 is the worst book I have ever read. I would advise anyone who is thinking about reading this book to reconcider! George Orwell is not a bad writer, however, this book he does not do evry well on, as some of his others. Prehaps he was getting old and lost his touch. Animal Farm was okay, but 1984 was horrible. It took him forever, it seemed like, to get into the accual book. If someone were to take out all of the useless part of 1984, it would be half as long. Why would he wirte so much about nothing? I havent ever meet someone who could wirte such a boring book about the goverment. I have meet many people who have loved this book, but i dispised it. I am not at all intrested in the goverment. This may be part of the reason that I didnt like it. I would advise you not to read this book.

Great going, say a book ABOUT TOTALITARIAN SOCIETY would be much better WITHOUT THE PARTS ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT. What the hell is wrong with people.

 

[Zenmervolt]

From a review of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:

Dear Mr. Pisig,

I do not see how critics can continually refer to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as a classic or any thing remotely considered a classic. Your book is actually number 73 on the Modern Library Association's Reader List. Guess who occupies the number one and two spots respectively? Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead.
But, this is America, and there are free speech laws that prohibit me from burning and banning all of your books. But according to the AMERICAN CAPITALIST SYSTEM, I can buy out your publishing rights and make sure copies of your horrible story do not corrupt indelible minds.
It's quite obvious to me your plan, ROBERT. First, you try and emulate Ayn Rand by integrating a philosophy into a novel.
However, you fail to symbolize your philosophy into the characters and so you must rely on a more doggerel approach.
Your lack of transitioning from plot to philosophy really annoys me. I can not stand your 300 pages of poorly executed junk. On the other hand, I can read Rand's thirty page speeches because they actually flow. Maybe you should go back to school and learn English Composition 101.
Next, you realize that the slag you slap together just will not hold sales and make a fat enough check to pay all your bills. So in order to continue your lazy bum attitude of doing nothing but riding motorcycles in the country side, you decide to join the Welfare Capital of the World? Sweden.
Heck, you are not even creative enough to come up with our own philosophy like Rand has. You piece together some incoherent rant about philosophies that you read in college, and you think it's the greatest thing since Ayn Rand. You take an entire chapter to define what gumption is. I can do that in six words with my trusty Random House Dictionary: 2. courage; spunk; guts. 3. common sense; shrewdness.
Even if you do ride a Honda motorcycle, you never mention it by name. Perhaps you are ashamed of the way that Soichiro Honda conquered the automotive world with nothing but introspection of his mistakes. Wait, thats something you advocate in your book. But wait, you're a socialist, I forget. I'm sorry.
Let me tell you something sonny, you are not Ayn Rand and will never amount to her greatness.

ZV

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: Wuffsunie
I have to agree with the review of J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"

"A dull, pendantic book about a dull, pedantic hypocrite."

Gawd, I hated that book. A very incarnation of pointlessness.

weird, it's my favorite book.

 

[DanTMWTMP]

Originally posted by: thirtythree

Originally posted by: Wuffsunie
I have to agree with the review of J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"

"A dull, pendantic book about a dull, pedantic hypocrite."

Gawd, I hated that book. A very incarnation of pointlessness.

weird, it's my favorite book.

i loved that book.




anyways, you guys should look @ david hasselhoffs (sp?) CD reviews!!!!!!!

now those are classic!

ah here we go:
Text
read the older reviews.

and start laughing

 

[flexy]

ah here we go:
Text
read the older reviews.

and start laughing[/quote]

OMG OMG OMG...this is real ?

 

[Entity]

Review of Atlas Shrugged, just for Amused:

More than a 1000 pages this book is as long as the long russian novels. I read about 250 pages and then could not go on anymore. Truly if you finish this book you deserve a medal(like one reviewer said,it should be in the back inside cover).
The theme is gray and depressing-heavy industry,railroads and mining in a fictional 30's like era with the main character being a woman who is really a superwoman.Sentences can be super long.Passages super long with long winding philosophical nonsense talk. It should have been a maximun of 300 pages.

 

[SludgeFactory]

Originally posted by: Encryptic
Jesus....this just floors me. Are people actually so fscking stupid/out of touch that they don't know who the fscking Beatles are? :roll:

pssst, turn your sarcasm detector on

Some of these are funny!