tell us your jokes!!!

[oldman420]

so theres three ducks sitting in a pond . a mommy a daddy and their baby duck.
the daddy duck sticks his head under the water for a min and says "my instincts tell me to fly south now
'.
the mommy does the same thing and says "yup my instincts tell me the same thing".
the baby duck also sticks his head under the water and then looks up and says
'my end stinks too but it doesn't tell me where to fly".

 

[Abhi]

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, as they had not been dating very long.
After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note... romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves.
The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:
Darling,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to
remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks
and they were hardly soiled; I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I
have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will
naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love,
Jimmie
P.S. - The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

 

[Orsorum]

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

[Mucho]

Sign in front of gay bar 'Parking at Rear'

 

[Turkish]

Syringer walks into a bar...

 

[Mutilator]

Not too long ago there was a wrestling match between an American hopeful and an unbeatable giant Russian. The Russian's specialty move that had never failed him was called the pretzel. No one had ever been able to get out of the pretzel, hence his long undefeated streak. So the big match came up and everybody thought for sure the poor American wrestler would be beaten in no time just like the rest of the Russian's victims. Sure enough the match got started and the Russian quickly put the relatively small American wrestler in the pretzel. All of a sudden out of nowhere the American throws the Russian clear in to the third row of the audience. Everybody just sat there stunned... they couldn't believe what they had just seen. Could it be? Had the mighty Russian been beaten?

After the match a reporter walked up to the American and asked him how he had done it... how had he beaten the mighty Russian?
The American's response was that once the Russian put him in the pretzel he saw these nuts dangling infront of him so he streeeetched his neck as far as he could and bit down as hard as he could on those dangling testicles. He paused for a second... It's amazing how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: XietyCOM
Syringer walks into a bar...

Syringer walks into the web.

 

[BigToque]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
A baby seal walks into a club.

hahaha

 

[Jittles]

What's partially silver and runs into walls?










A baby with forks stuck in its eyes.

 

[Schadenfroh]

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Originally posted by: XietyCOM
Syringer walks into a bar...

Syringer walks into the web.

the itsy bitsy spider.......

 

[Brutuskend]

What's the difference between "The Rolling Stones" and a Scottish Sheep herder?

"The Rolling Stones" say, "HEY YOU GET OFFA MY CLOUD."
And the Scottish sheep herder says "HEY Mc Cloud, get offa my ewe!"

 

[Sassy]

A man and woman go parking on top of a hill. The woman asks her lover if he would please put the convertible top up so they could have some privacy. If a policeman should ever come along and see us, I?ll be so embarrassed."

The man tells her the top is broken and will not go up. Like most men in this situation he has a brilliant idea and tells her, ?Lets make love under the car. I?ll keep my legs in site out from the bottom of the car. If a policeman should come along he will kick my legs and let us know that he?s there. The woman agrees. This gives them privacy and a fair warning of any intrusion.

Approx. 30 mins. later a policman kicks the mans legs and asks, ?Hey, what are you doing??

The man responds, ?I?m fixing the clutch under my car.?

Policeman says: ?Well, don?t you think you should fix the brakes first? Your car is at the bottom of the hill.?

 

[KLin]

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a $1.25. Jill came down with $2.50.

 

[jadinolf]

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a $1.25. Jill came down with $2.50.


......and you thought they went up for water?