I'm bored. I'm tired of doing differential equations and reading Kant.
So here it goes. Rewind to Fall 2003
This is senior year of high school. I'm a loser. I didn't even have the balls to ask this girl I wanted to go with to junior prom. So there's this girl from my youth group who I give rides to cuz she's afraid to drive highway. I met her in Summer 2002 when she joined our group. I only saw her like once every two weeks at youth group meetings, and we don't see each other at school all that much. Once in a while we'll run across each other and say hi or what not. Soemtimes we'll talk online just a bit, but it's not like we're great friends. We had some nice chats on the car a few times just the two of us when her friend didn't come with us to youth group and there was this once I took her to lunch. I just remembered how she said "wow this feels like a date," and I laughed it off because I still thought I liked some other girl. At least I wasn't aware of the fact that I was really starting to like this girl.
This was around January 2001 and she had this plan to ask some guy to the annual Sadies Hawkins dance. She wasn't sure between 2 guys and so the guy she settled on was one of my friends. He and I had been friends since kindergarten and so we knew each other pretty well. We had our ups and downs, fought once in sophomore year, where I whacked the crap out of him, but still we were cool friends going to lan parties and stuff.
So after our lunch that day she goes to ask this guy to sadies who can't go with her. I'm like yea ok. Then she starts going to his house many afternoons just for "fun." He tries to teach her how to CS and what not, while she asks him for "AP Bio" help. Oh yea, she's a junior and we're both seniors. One day he invites me over and I'm like uhhh ok the 3 of us. I guess they wanted time together or something and I was just a little intrusion, so I just pretended to be focused on playing CS on his computer while ignoring them.
His bday comes along in Feb and we want to prepare him a surprise party. She and I work together to surprise him and all that. At the end of the party, she gives him this really nice long hug and my heart sinks. I nearly crashed on the way home.
So Valentines day was coming up and I prepared a friggn special gift for her. I wrote a poem and with the help of a friend a second poem in Chinese (I'm not fob so I'm close to illiterate in Chinese =P). I gave her the gift through special delivery and I just remember her giving me a hug that day. She exclaimed how it was Valentines day but she couldn't be with the other guy. I was like "awww" (yea right).
I was feeling damn jealous at this point. I realized that she was such a better friend than the other girls I had been with. By this poitn we were talking like everyday online and hanging out at school, etc. She was telling me all about her and her relationships and how she hopes to get with my friend, etc etc. She in turn knows about how I liked this girl that I wanted to go to prom with the year before. So one day they go out and they're officially a couple (or so she tells me the day after during lunch).
The key is that my friend is ultra sheltered. His parents don't EVER let him out of the house and so I get to go out with her a lot as friends. We have lunch sometimes and all that and we're just like awesome friends. At the same time I'm jealous as crap because he's with her and I'm not.
Well, she asks him to junior prom and he can't go. Guess what I feel like omfg I want to go. I never got to go the year before and well that point I just wanted her to be able to go. I knew she wanted to go with her friends and have fun, and it was kinda sad seeing her bf not be able to go. I somehow talked to her bf who was reluctant but let me go with her. She was happy and wanted to go and all that so I ended up going with her to HER junior prom. Ppl there were all like "Oh where's your boyfriend, etc etc" I guess it was a bit awkward for me.
I should also add... two days after I asked her to prom (we're still 2 weeks away from prom), I was tutoring her in calculus at her house. It was the two of us at the table and it was late at night and then she just asks me right there...
"I heard from some people that you like me"
I couldn't lie. I confessed. It all came crashing down. I guess it was pretty damn obvious. We went biking together at Stanford just the two of us. We went to lunch so many times together. We talked like nonstop into 3 AM in the morning. I asked her if she wanted to go to SF with me and my friends. I invited her to a Warriors vs Lakers game.
So we stayed good friends even into and after prom. That was the best night of my life. We had youth group the next day and we were all chill. Even the week afterwards we got to hang a lot for a bunch of youth group related activities.
At the same time I developed this animosity for her bf. I just never mentioned him again and never talked to him. I ignored him the day we had physics amusement park day and we were on roller coasters together. He and I had common friends but in our group I ignored him and he did the same.
She brought us together and tried to mend the friendship but I guess it didn't really work... I just remember her saying "I can't have my best friend and my boyfriend like this"
May came and then it was a month from senior prom. I asked the girl that I wanted to go with the year before. She rejected me. I knew it. I gave up on trying to hit on her anyways after I knew I didn't like her anymore.
So I come back to the girl I've been talking about and I'm all depressed. I guess one night I got so frustrated I just flatout IMed her with the words I want to go to prom with you. Apparently that got me in to big@$$ trouble. She ignored me for a week and her bf spread crap about me around the whole school.
I apologized to her about a week later but things weren't the same anymore. We didn't talk all the time anymore, and I was just sorry. Since this was pretty close to prom day already, and like 2 weeks away from graduation, schoolw as over with. I spent the last days with my good friends and tried to not think about her.
Things got bad over the summer and she said I lied about things a lot. We weren't "best" friends anymore. For the periods of Feb - May, I was her best friend, and she was definitely mine.
I took up drinking in college and got wasted a few times. She found out and got pissed. I guess I stayed defensive and tried to justify my actions. Things just got bad. I saw her twice in my first semester of school and only the first time we were friendy. The second time was only because I had to give her bf a place to stay (yes i was being courteous) and she came by to pick him up.
We got to be better friends in December and we're much better after 2005 came along. I avoided things like drinking and I tried to be her friend again.
In February, she started hitting relatinoship bumps. Actually their relationship has been up and down every since he went to college. BTW, he goes to UC Davis and I go to Berkeley. Our home is in the South Bay and so I'm an hr from home. He's 2 hrs from home. He doesn't get to see her much and I guess its frustrating especially when his parents confine him at home when he actually does return.
She imed me for help and I tried to help to the best of my ability, but I guess it just didn't seem the same. They broke up ONE DAY before their ONE YEAR, which I find quite sad. Oh and at this point he and I are like friends again. This was why I offered him a place to stay sometime in Oct 2004 and all that. I guess I apologized to him and all that and I tried to be cool with him again.
Within a month (March 05), she found a new bf.
Ive seen her a few times this semester whether its going to lunch on some weekends that I go home, or just when I visit my old HS. She even came up to Berkeley to visit me cuz she's considering coming here.
Last week she told me "I'll be seeing you next semester." A smile lit up in my face. I know she made the right choice when she chose Cal over UCLA (that's for another discussion of course). I just felt so happy for her.
I don't know what the future holds
I have to say I still care about her and on my desk right now in front of me is our junior prom picture and her senior portrait. She's not my gf, but to me she's the best friend in the world. She has always been there for me when I needed help or just someone to talk to.
A lot of the things I said here was just rushed. There were so many twists and turns in our friendship. We had a lot of time together during senior year, and I can say for sure that she wasn't just an object of infatuation or whatever. It was definitely deeper.
I didn't post about a real bf/gf relationship because I think this one incident for me has meant more than my past relationships.
Now I have class tomorrow at 10 so I should probabl go sleep now.
Congrats to anyone who actually read my post. I just felt like getting that out of the system.... I still miss her today. I love you Stephanie and I'm sorry for all the wrong I have ever done to you.
So here it goes. Rewind to Fall 2003
This is senior year of high school. I'm a loser. I didn't even have the balls to ask this girl I wanted to go with to junior prom. So there's this girl from my youth group who I give rides to cuz she's afraid to drive highway. I met her in Summer 2002 when she joined our group. I only saw her like once every two weeks at youth group meetings, and we don't see each other at school all that much. Once in a while we'll run across each other and say hi or what not. Soemtimes we'll talk online just a bit, but it's not like we're great friends. We had some nice chats on the car a few times just the two of us when her friend didn't come with us to youth group and there was this once I took her to lunch. I just remembered how she said "wow this feels like a date," and I laughed it off because I still thought I liked some other girl. At least I wasn't aware of the fact that I was really starting to like this girl.
This was around January 2001 and she had this plan to ask some guy to the annual Sadies Hawkins dance. She wasn't sure between 2 guys and so the guy she settled on was one of my friends. He and I had been friends since kindergarten and so we knew each other pretty well. We had our ups and downs, fought once in sophomore year, where I whacked the crap out of him, but still we were cool friends going to lan parties and stuff.
So after our lunch that day she goes to ask this guy to sadies who can't go with her. I'm like yea ok. Then she starts going to his house many afternoons just for "fun." He tries to teach her how to CS and what not, while she asks him for "AP Bio" help. Oh yea, she's a junior and we're both seniors. One day he invites me over and I'm like uhhh ok the 3 of us. I guess they wanted time together or something and I was just a little intrusion, so I just pretended to be focused on playing CS on his computer while ignoring them.
His bday comes along in Feb and we want to prepare him a surprise party. She and I work together to surprise him and all that. At the end of the party, she gives him this really nice long hug and my heart sinks. I nearly crashed on the way home.
So Valentines day was coming up and I prepared a friggn special gift for her. I wrote a poem and with the help of a friend a second poem in Chinese (I'm not fob so I'm close to illiterate in Chinese =P). I gave her the gift through special delivery and I just remember her giving me a hug that day. She exclaimed how it was Valentines day but she couldn't be with the other guy. I was like "awww" (yea right).
I was feeling damn jealous at this point. I realized that she was such a better friend than the other girls I had been with. By this poitn we were talking like everyday online and hanging out at school, etc. She was telling me all about her and her relationships and how she hopes to get with my friend, etc etc. She in turn knows about how I liked this girl that I wanted to go to prom with the year before. So one day they go out and they're officially a couple (or so she tells me the day after during lunch).
The key is that my friend is ultra sheltered. His parents don't EVER let him out of the house and so I get to go out with her a lot as friends. We have lunch sometimes and all that and we're just like awesome friends. At the same time I'm jealous as crap because he's with her and I'm not.
Well, she asks him to junior prom and he can't go. Guess what I feel like omfg I want to go. I never got to go the year before and well that point I just wanted her to be able to go. I knew she wanted to go with her friends and have fun, and it was kinda sad seeing her bf not be able to go. I somehow talked to her bf who was reluctant but let me go with her. She was happy and wanted to go and all that so I ended up going with her to HER junior prom. Ppl there were all like "Oh where's your boyfriend, etc etc" I guess it was a bit awkward for me.
I should also add... two days after I asked her to prom (we're still 2 weeks away from prom), I was tutoring her in calculus at her house. It was the two of us at the table and it was late at night and then she just asks me right there...
"I heard from some people that you like me"
I couldn't lie. I confessed. It all came crashing down. I guess it was pretty damn obvious. We went biking together at Stanford just the two of us. We went to lunch so many times together. We talked like nonstop into 3 AM in the morning. I asked her if she wanted to go to SF with me and my friends. I invited her to a Warriors vs Lakers game.
So we stayed good friends even into and after prom. That was the best night of my life. We had youth group the next day and we were all chill. Even the week afterwards we got to hang a lot for a bunch of youth group related activities.
At the same time I developed this animosity for her bf. I just never mentioned him again and never talked to him. I ignored him the day we had physics amusement park day and we were on roller coasters together. He and I had common friends but in our group I ignored him and he did the same.
She brought us together and tried to mend the friendship but I guess it didn't really work... I just remember her saying "I can't have my best friend and my boyfriend like this"
May came and then it was a month from senior prom. I asked the girl that I wanted to go with the year before. She rejected me. I knew it. I gave up on trying to hit on her anyways after I knew I didn't like her anymore.
So I come back to the girl I've been talking about and I'm all depressed. I guess one night I got so frustrated I just flatout IMed her with the words I want to go to prom with you. Apparently that got me in to big@$$ trouble. She ignored me for a week and her bf spread crap about me around the whole school.
I apologized to her about a week later but things weren't the same anymore. We didn't talk all the time anymore, and I was just sorry. Since this was pretty close to prom day already, and like 2 weeks away from graduation, schoolw as over with. I spent the last days with my good friends and tried to not think about her.
Things got bad over the summer and she said I lied about things a lot. We weren't "best" friends anymore. For the periods of Feb - May, I was her best friend, and she was definitely mine.
I took up drinking in college and got wasted a few times. She found out and got pissed. I guess I stayed defensive and tried to justify my actions. Things just got bad. I saw her twice in my first semester of school and only the first time we were friendy. The second time was only because I had to give her bf a place to stay (yes i was being courteous) and she came by to pick him up.
We got to be better friends in December and we're much better after 2005 came along. I avoided things like drinking and I tried to be her friend again.
In February, she started hitting relatinoship bumps. Actually their relationship has been up and down every since he went to college. BTW, he goes to UC Davis and I go to Berkeley. Our home is in the South Bay and so I'm an hr from home. He's 2 hrs from home. He doesn't get to see her much and I guess its frustrating especially when his parents confine him at home when he actually does return.
She imed me for help and I tried to help to the best of my ability, but I guess it just didn't seem the same. They broke up ONE DAY before their ONE YEAR, which I find quite sad. Oh and at this point he and I are like friends again. This was why I offered him a place to stay sometime in Oct 2004 and all that. I guess I apologized to him and all that and I tried to be cool with him again.
Within a month (March 05), she found a new bf.
Ive seen her a few times this semester whether its going to lunch on some weekends that I go home, or just when I visit my old HS. She even came up to Berkeley to visit me cuz she's considering coming here.
Last week she told me "I'll be seeing you next semester." A smile lit up in my face. I know she made the right choice when she chose Cal over UCLA (that's for another discussion of course). I just felt so happy for her.
I don't know what the future holds
I have to say I still care about her and on my desk right now in front of me is our junior prom picture and her senior portrait. She's not my gf, but to me she's the best friend in the world. She has always been there for me when I needed help or just someone to talk to.
A lot of the things I said here was just rushed. There were so many twists and turns in our friendship. We had a lot of time together during senior year, and I can say for sure that she wasn't just an object of infatuation or whatever. It was definitely deeper.
I didn't post about a real bf/gf relationship because I think this one incident for me has meant more than my past relationships.
Now I have class tomorrow at 10 so I should probabl go sleep now.
Congrats to anyone who actually read my post. I just felt like getting that out of the system.... I still miss her today. I love you Stephanie and I'm sorry for all the wrong I have ever done to you.
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