irishScott
Lifer
- Oct 10, 2006
- 21,562
- 3
- 0
Seriously. I actually didn't speed (as much) when I had friends in my car for fear of getting into a crash while talking.
Seriously. I actually didn't speed (as much) when I had friends in my car for fear of getting into a crash while talking.
My feelings exactly...
Personally, I would have never been doing 107 in a 55, because I know if I was caught I would have gotten my ass handed to me... Not to mention the fact that by the time I had raised the $5000 dollars need to buy a car as well as the $800 or so that insurance cost me... I had learned not to drive like an idiot...
I am only 22 so that "back in the day kids were raised different argument is bull"
And sorry.. but psychological abuse just leads to fucked up kids who end up shooting up their class because now they are being horribly picked on...
Yeah ... my parents told me I was a fucking idiot a couple times when I did stupid things... and when I showed up saturday morning hungover from a bush party they made sure to get me out and do horrible lawn work with a even worse hangover...
But this stuff... it is all clownshoes... your not teaching a kid anything by making him do embarrassing things other than making them hate you... This is just like those people who busted their own kids party...
What does a police record do for a teenager?? Fuck up their life? make them hate your guts? keep them out of the college or school they are looking for? End them up in a dead end job with an alcohol problem?
Now instead what if the parents would have came home... took all the booze, called everyones parents and let the hammer fall that way?
Too many posters are just into this oh man they totally pwned their kids... lol........ super lolz... I wasn't invited to parties in high school, this is awesome!
Just because it is a great owning doesn't make it good parenting.
Krazy4Real
Lifer
- Oct 3, 2003
- 12,221
- 55
- 91
Skunkwourk
Diamond Member
- Dec 9, 2004
- 4,662
- 1
- 81
To some extent punishment is always going to create some INITIAL resentment towards your parents, but I don't see how you can say that public embarrassment only yields one result.
I think you are right... but remember High School kids? They look for any reason to abuse each other... Do parents really need to feed that?
It is the goal of public embarrassment... you are made fun of, put in the spot light, showed to be a fool, all in the hopes that people will remind you of how wrong you were? I can see that easily causing a lot of resentment...
rivan
Diamond Member
- Jul 8, 2003
- 9,677
- 3
- 81
Ok... you're 22, and hardly what I'd call old enough to have a proper perspective about good parenting - you're still a child in some ways yourself. I'm not saying that to discount your point of view - only to point out it's still from a very young vantage. I myself had a similar one at your age. I'm also not trying to imply that being older makes me an authority. I've got plenty to learn about being a parent.
Humilating your child, in this context, is NOT psychological abuse. It's showing your child they are NOT the center of the universe; something many children are never taught in the home, and it's a harsh reality they learn once they hit college, or the workplace. There are consequences to poor decisions, sometimes they're embarrasing and sometimes they're much more harsh than this kid seems to have received.
As for making them hate you, if you think you can raise a kid without them ever "hating" you, I'd like to see you try. My four-year old sometimes gives me dirty looks when I tell her I'm turning off the TV at the end of the Dora that's on. So what, you're saying I should just let her watch TV til SHE decides she's done?
Being a parent is about teaching your child how to succeed in the world. Sometimes positive reinforcement works. Sometimes you need punishments. Sometimes those punishments need to be relatively drastic - I'd say this kids actions required a drastic punishment.
Take away/sell the car but spare all the bullshit drama with the sign. Are people doing this stuff just to get in the news and win Mother of the Year awards?
You know those kids that turn 18, walk out the door and resolve to never see their parents' face again (unless at a funeral)? Yeah, its kids that were subject to public humiliation like this.
Restrict all your family issues to the confines of your walls. Humiliation and public embarrassment are a great way to push your kids away.
I completely agree with you but also with what the next poster says... that car should have been taken away from him, as well as his license... if they bought the car and pay for his insurance that should be cut off... He should have to pay the fine, completely by himself... All privileges he had should be removed... Hell... maybe he even needs a good smack upside his head...
I am not opposed to punishment... I am opposed to ridiculous public punishments like this that do nothing other than make the kid embarrassed? I don't think it really teaches them anything ... just screws with their head.
Hell... If the parents would have forced him to do some community work or something like that I wouldn't have a problem with it... but going out of their way to embarrass him?? I don't get the point...
pontifex
Lifer
- Dec 5, 2000
- 43,804
- 46
- 91
does anything like this really work though? how many times have commercials been on tv, videos played in schools, ads in magazines and newspapers, etc? basically how much education on this type of has there been, yet it seems to make no difference? people still do this stupid shit.
I know a whole bunch of people that moved out of their folks' homes and haven't called them/met them in years. From a thread some time ago, it turns out there are lots of people here that haven't spoken to their parents in several years.
Embarrassing your kids in public won't teach them any lesson - all it will do is fill them with hate and contempt; hate and contempt that their parents would rather stand around and be patted on their backs for 'good parenting' at the expense of their kids' dignity. The kid fucked up going 100+mph and his car was rightfully taken away from him. The rest of the 'punishment' is fucking nonsense that makes for an amusing article but screws up family relations permanently.
Embarrassing your kids in public won't teach them any lesson - all it will do is fill them with hate and contempt; hate and contempt that their parents would rather stand around and be patted on their backs for 'good parenting' at the expense of their kids' dignity. The kid fucked up going 100+mph and his car was rightfully taken away from him. The rest of the 'punishment' is fucking nonsense that makes for an amusing article but screws up family relations permanently.
rivan
Diamond Member
- Jul 8, 2003
- 9,677
- 3
- 81
Well, I don't see anything wrong with this, if it's something that will be effective on THIS child.
Having two kids now, I can verify that what works for one child very well might not work for the next. I read once that it's important to know your child's "currency". What do they value? Whatever it is, that's what you use as leverage in teaching them about rewards and consequences. After all, what good is a consequence if it has no significant impact?
For teenagers, social interaction and personal freedom are high value 'currencies'. Her punishments all revolved around them - take the car = reduced freedom, hold the sign = social punishment.
When all's said and done, this kid sounds like he's learned a lesson, not hating his parents. He'll certainly think twice the next time he's behind a wheel.
Just about everyone engages in reckless behavior at some point. People like to believe they are immortal - any kid with in-line skates, a BMX or a skateboard at some point has attempted a dangerous stunt and they will all tell you the exact same story: it was a calculated risk. At worst, I might have got a few scratches and bruises. More importantly, I studied my immediate vicinity and the only person at risk was me due to the absence of bystanders.
Every biker that can pop a wheelie at will tell you the same. People keep telling you the exact same account: it was a calculated maneuver and the only person at risk was me. I think the kid in this story would tell you the same. But every now & then, some kid in a M6 will race down an 'abandoned strip' at 120mph and fail to notice a dead end or fly off an embankment and slam into a tree, killing himself and three friends in the process.
That is why the law doesn't care about 'abandoned roads' and 'desolate highways'. The law is the law and doesn't care about the perpetrator's 'expert risk analysis.'
Skunkwourk
Diamond Member
- Dec 9, 2004
- 4,662
- 1
- 81
Well in short, doing it actually serves 2 functions. Punishment for a his actual offense (making her kid regret speeding), and also an attempt to deter future violations (Other kids might fear their parents will also do something similar if they are caught speeding). Of course punishment for his specific act, and as a deterrent, will only be effective if it is visible. The kid is more likely to care if his friends see him holding a sign than if hardly anyone sees him doing community service. Likewise kids are only going to fear getting caught speeding if they think everyone will somehow find out.
Well its my personal opinion that Education is only part of the solution since we're not always dealing with the educated responsible citizen. Therefore the other half is having consistent consequences for violators who are unaffected by education attempts. None of us would speed if there was a 100% chance of getting caught each time, but since we can't guarantee getting caught, the idea is to come up with a punishment thats seems severe enough, in the event you get caught, to deter this type behavior.
anyway Im getting out of my league, Im not an expert on parenting or punishment.
Oh, so you're a psychologist now?
It seems to me that the ones who run out on their parents are the ones whose parents don't give a shit about them. 107MPH in a 55 and the kid is lucky that all he had to do was stand there with a sign. In most situations, no one knows their kid better than a parent and nobody but that parents knows what is going to hit home and make them realize how stupid they were being. Parents who punish their children for being idiots are parents that care about their kids. Parents who give their kids a slap on the wrist are parents who have given up on their kids.
No, I'm not a psychologist but I do have a brother that hasn't spoken to my parents in two years and likely never will.
Edit: Actually, I meant 'Dad' where I said parents. And he didn't even show up at my sister's wedding because he didn't want to see my Dad.
Edit: Actually, I meant 'Dad' where I said parents. And he didn't even show up at my sister's wedding because he didn't want to see my Dad.
:roll:
So your brother hates your dad and you're suddenly in the seat to tell people what punishments work for their kids?
What, exactly, is your brother being a baby about?
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