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Teaching Kids about Real Life

MadRat

MadRat

Lifer
This might be an ATOT topic but I figured I'd pitch it here first. My question is basically what would you do in the situation?

I was coming back from central Montana with the family and we stopped somewhere between Bozeman and Billings at a McDonald's. The family ordered the food and then sat down. A few tables down there was a homeless-looking individual sitting away from the rest of the customers. The guy was hard to miss as the bathrooms were right next to him and I make the kids wash up before their meals. His area smelled kind of funny, one of those smells I've only smelt in a hospice for terminal cancer patients, which is kind of a cross between decaying hamburger meat and body odor. Whatever the case he wore a bandana over his face. I didn't care to stare so I just ignored it and walked by on my way to wash up the littlest one.

After we all got seated the food was waiting at the counter so I went over and brought it back. I noticed my wife give a serious look of concern and then rolled her eyes in the direction of the bandana guy. She was showing her obvious displeasure of the guy's appearance. I told her quietly to "be nice" and tried to ignore her insulting behavior.

Another five minutes went by and my two older kids kept looking over at the guy and the middle child made a innocent comment about the smell. Since I wasn't sitting at the table I quietly relayed a message to my wife next to her to be quiet. My wife hadn't been paying attention to the kids but then intervened as quietly as she could to get them to stop the mocking. I don't think he probably heard any of it but this certainly made me think how cruel kids can be. No matter what my wife said the kids kept staring at him. They pretended to not look but it was obvious they were.

My youngest kid, just a year old, glanced over at the guy and shreaked. I calmed her down with a hug but she saw something that scared the daylights out of her. Strange as it sounds, nothing has ever scared her like that before and she has never as much as flinched at scary Halloween costumes. I couldn't help but to steal a few peeks at the guy to see what the kids were staring at. The guy was missing his lips! He had a rag on the table to catch his drool, which just made my heart drop. Whatever this guy's ailment, I couldn't help but just tear up on my insides.

He ran out of food and went back up for more. He had a credit or debit card with him but I didn't want to stare so I didn't watch him order. I know he had a small tablet with him and that may be how he communicated. Its might sound weird, but I wish I had watched just to settle my curiousity.

The guy never let on once that the kids were staring. Nor did he seem concerned that the baby was scared. He just kept plugging away at what looked like crossword puzzles and tried to eat his food. The whole affair just left me heart broken as this guy obviously has figured out how to survive in his present condition. My thought was that he probably was homeless just on gut instict, but its not like his clothes were completely dirtly or outwardly suggesting he was homeless. He had a credit card to buy food so its not like he seemed to be in need of a handout, nor did he imply he wanted or needed one.

What do you tell your kids in a situation like that? How do you handle the wife? I mean, afterwards, what would of been a good lesson for them? And what should I of tried to get out of this encounter? Do you go out of your way and offer the guy help or just go on and mind your own business? I have no clue what would of been the christian thing to do before, during, or after realizing his ailment. Give me some constructive feedback here.
 
Heartbreaking story and I think you handled it exactly appropriately.. probably a bad idea to ask if the guy needed help, and also would have been a bad idea to hustle your kids out of there. You did it right IMO
 
I don't know what else you could have done. That sounds like a tough situation. IMO you did the right thing.

If it makes you feel any better I'm sure he deals with that all the time. While he might not be happy with his plight, he's probably used to it.
 
Tough call. It's very likely the guy wouldn't want people just fussing over him and whatnot, so doing nothing is not a bad choice. He obviously had money and such so that's not an issue. Perhaps if you went over to him and asked questions, he might be ok with it, but then again he may not have. Try Googling what you saw and see what you can come up with. Could be leprosy or something similar, severe burns, or pissed off the wrong people.

 
Wow, that's sad. No lips. Ouch. I think you handled it about as well as you could have.
On a related note, but OT, I have a daughter with Cerebral Palsy, the effects of which give her an awkward gait and stance. The only outward sign of her condition is the spasticity in her legs. But man people can stare. Usually I just ignore it. In particularly egregious cases, I will stare back, or even ask them if they need any information. These are adults I'm talking about.... I can't recall a situation where kids openly gawked.
Anyway, people can be stupid, but you guys did a good job.
 
IMHO you handled the situation pretty well. But I beleive its not the children being "cruel". Infact its their curiosity and innocence that made them look cruel. Time will make them learn. You could always guide them on how to work with strangers who might look scary and maybe dangerous.
 
I think you did great. Just instruct them that in life, everyone is not the same and that some have huge burdens that they have to carry. None of us could have handled the situation any better, although most would have wanted to do something and that would have made the situation worse.
 
i agree with the posters above. you handled it well. usually when things like that happen my wife and i discuss it in the car with the children when we leave, and encourage them to speak freely about it and then give your opinions and lessons.
 
You did well.

Teach them that they can only ridicule those who post on this forum, and they'll grow up to be good kids.
 
Tell your kids that guy is under their bed or in their closet at night and if they don't behave and do as they are told he is going to come and steal their lips when they are sleeping!

I'll take my parent of the year award now. . .
 
I think you did the best you could, given the situation. Judging by his behavior, at least based on what you've told us, it would seem to me that leaving him alone was indeed the best thing to do. Some people just prefer to be left alone so they can get on with their lives in peace.

Might be a good idea however to teach your kids that it isn't polite to stare, if you haven't already.

Personally, I don't think randomly helping people, specially out of pity or some similar reason, is always such a good idea. Some people don't want to be helped, or want anyone elses pity. It's one thing if they ask for help or if you notice them unknowingly stepping into harms way. But offering help to someone who might not want it, could actually make it worse.
 
LOL at ahurtt. Next question would be how much is the lifetime of counseling they'll need to recover?

JackStorm, you hit the nail on the head as far as I was thinking. Staring is so easy to do and it does nothing but hurt feelings. You probably didn't know, but I was a teacher for several years before getting into IT and always wished there was a magic book of rules that kids need to learn by certain ages. The problem is, that even after ten years of contemplation and real life experience, I think I'm no closer to writing that book then the day I first dreamt up the idea.
 
If he wasn't asking for help, then none should be offered. Handicapped people just want to be people. If he had fallen, or was incapable of ordering his food, then helping him out would be the thing to do. Many people have infirmities that don't put them in the helpless category, so if they are functioning then you should let them function. The kids just need a good explaination of how lucky they are to have honest and loving parents, and their health. Kids like to think they're perfect, and don't understand that no one really is perfect. Perhaps some form of exposure to the real world is needed. I'm not suggesting you force them to help homeless folks at a park, but just something that shows them that not all people are healthy, fortunate, or "normal." I don't mean your kids are bad, they are just naive as we all are when we're young.

There is nothing funny about peace, love, and understanding. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: JackStorm

Personally, I don't think randomly helping people, specially out of pity or some similar reason, is always such a good idea. Some people don't want to be helped, or want anyone elses pity. It's one thing if they ask for help or if you notice them unknowingly stepping into harms way. But offering help to someone who might not want it, could actually make it worse.
Click to expand...

Ive seen plenty of people begging for pity here in the subconcinent. I daily see people with amputated arms and legs, barely able to walk begging on the street. However, the absolute worst was when I was once in Bombay driving towards down town. I saw this man on the pavement meditating. He had golf-ball sized warts all over his body. He was wearing nothing but a small peice of cloth to cover his genitals. Sometimes it is the most helpless feeling you get seeing severly disabled people especially if they yearn pity. That guy was a beggar. It ruins my entire week seeing people like that. But those are the facts of life. I could not have helped him much.
 
You know that other thread about the girl who died because she kissed her boyfriend who'd eaten peanuts a few hours earlier?

Well, if that girl had had this homeless guy as a boyfriend, she'd be alive today.
 
Originally posted by: shira
You know that other thread about the girl who died because she kissed her boyfriend who'd eaten peanuts a few hours earlier?

Well, if that girl had had this homeless guy as a boyfriend, she'd be alive today.
Click to expand...

fvk dude....😀
 
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