Yes, my parents immigrated here 16 years ago, both worked 2 shifts working at factories but provided hot meals waiting for us two kids without fail. They sold the small house back in Korea and bought a 3bd house here with the combined earnings while most of our American neighbors still lived on rent. They also sent me and my brother through college (while I also worked full time + loans too).
Their life was nothing but love for me and my bro. Now they're proud small restaurant owners but I don't think it's doing well enough for them to retire for next 20 years.
So yes, fuck them.
The question is, are we, a sons of first generation Korean immigrants who left their country to bust their asses off to support our spoiled American lifestyles, willing to not only support our parents (which we will gladly do) but some piece of shit lazy fuck face who spent money on useless shit their whole lives, did no planning, and now want a fucking handout?
I certainly am not. Fuck em.
Sounds like you could have used the extra time living at home. Maybe then you wouldn't sound like an ignorant bastard.
PingSpike
Lifer
- Feb 25, 2004
- 21,758
- 603
- 126
My folks will be fine most likely. They are quite frugal and old school in their spending, plus they have been saving. I wouldn't hesitate to help them though, they certainly gave me a lot of legs up and sacrificed enough for me. I'm about to enter a lean period though.
My inlaws are pretty similar. But they have a lot more health concerns and I worry what would happen if my FIL lost his ability to make a living off his back. He'd probably adapt I suppose and they have assets but they're already caring for their own parents at this point. My FIL's parents retired to early and lived to long. They moved down to Florida, had a good time and now my wife's grandmother is suffering health problems that make her difficult for her grandfather to care for. So they ended up having to move back up here. Because my FIL and MIL are the most stable and standup of the children it seems to have fallen to them to do most of the heavy lifting in organizing and taking care of them.
I can certainly understand other people's positions though. I've seen a lot of fuck ups go down the list begging and burn everyone they know well before retirement age. Sometimes it isn't possible to help some one. If you give money to a drug addict or a gambling addict so they can buy food or pay their rent two days later your money is still gone and they still don't have any food and the rent still isn't paid. That's an extreme example but there are situations in between where it still might not make sense to help them.
My inlaws are pretty similar. But they have a lot more health concerns and I worry what would happen if my FIL lost his ability to make a living off his back. He'd probably adapt I suppose and they have assets but they're already caring for their own parents at this point. My FIL's parents retired to early and lived to long. They moved down to Florida, had a good time and now my wife's grandmother is suffering health problems that make her difficult for her grandfather to care for. So they ended up having to move back up here. Because my FIL and MIL are the most stable and standup of the children it seems to have fallen to them to do most of the heavy lifting in organizing and taking care of them.
I can certainly understand other people's positions though. I've seen a lot of fuck ups go down the list begging and burn everyone they know well before retirement age. Sometimes it isn't possible to help some one. If you give money to a drug addict or a gambling addict so they can buy food or pay their rent two days later your money is still gone and they still don't have any food and the rent still isn't paid. That's an extreme example but there are situations in between where it still might not make sense to help them.
- Oct 30, 2000
- 42,589
- 5
- 0
Issues come up and what does one do w/ respect to children/grandchildren.
Let them live on the street due to bad choices and/or situations?
My wife and myself could have retired at this point IF we had not provided assistance to keep others head above water.
NikolaeVarius
Lifer
- Oct 25, 2006
- 11,036
- 11
- 91
Leros
Lifer
- Jul 11, 2004
- 21,867
- 7
- 81
My dad is 62 and has just enough savings to put my little sister through college. He has a moderate pension, but I don't think its enough for him to live comfortably. Granted, he is the kind of guy that will work until he drops dead, so he'll have some extra money from working.
Not really sure what I'm going to do with him when he gets really old. I suppose I'll have him move in with me once he is unable to take care of himself.
Not really sure what I'm going to do with him when he gets really old. I suppose I'll have him move in with me once he is unable to take care of himself.
Bateluer
Lifer
- Jun 23, 2001
- 27,730
- 8
- 0
Everything you listed there except for the medical condition is representative of poor planning, namely, putting all your eggs in one basket. Investing only in one source, a company sponsored pension, is stupid. A 401K, which can be nearly unaffected if your company goes belly up, is a better option. Plus, they move with you when/if you change employers.
Heavily company stock plan, same thing. Eggs in one basket. Diversify.
Diversified and watched 1/3rd of the funds vanish? Not a critical deal if you can work for another couple of years.
I'm of the mindset that parents are in no way obligated to pay for their children's college. Its a nice gesture that nets them good karma if they need financial support from their children to support them in their retirement years.
Wyndru
Diamond Member
- Apr 9, 2009
- 7,318
- 4
- 76
My Mom will be retiring soon, no where near enough money to live on her own. My father passed away a while ago. My mother-in-law isn't near retirement but thinks she will be getting laid off this year. My father-in-law is severely schizophrenic.
My wife and I are going to have a pretty rough time supporting everyone, but we are pretty much the only people in the family stable enough to help.
My wife and I are going to have a pretty rough time supporting everyone, but we are pretty much the only people in the family stable enough to help.
OutHouse
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2000
- 36,410
- 616
- 126
i am not trying to be rude but if you dad has just enough savings to put your sister through college then maybe he should not pay for her college.
ViviTheMage
Lifer
Honestly doubt my parents will live to retirement ...
I am surprised at how many parents pay for their kids college in this thread.
I am surprised at how many parents pay for their kids college in this thread.
roguerower
Diamond Member
- Nov 18, 2004
- 4,563
- 0
- 76
My parents have taken care of my mom's mom since her husband died. They built a house in the Outer Banks a tenth of a mile from my dad's parents and a quarter mile from the beach and charge her a fraction of her deceased husband's pension as "rent" to pay a portion of the mortgage. When they went to my mom's sisters asking if they wanted to help they pretty much got a big middle finger. One of the few things that will send my dad over the edge is when my aunt's act like they have a say in what happens there.
My dad's parents are doing very well due to my grandfather being very good with his money. They easily have enough to keep going and leave some to my dad and his brothers.
For my sisters and I it shouldn't be a problem because my dad will retire from the Marine Corps after 30+ years of service with a pretty good pension. Factor in that he should get snatched up by a private firm pretty quickly when he chooses to finally retire.
My dad's parents are doing very well due to my grandfather being very good with his money. They easily have enough to keep going and leave some to my dad and his brothers.
For my sisters and I it shouldn't be a problem because my dad will retire from the Marine Corps after 30+ years of service with a pretty good pension. Factor in that he should get snatched up by a private firm pretty quickly when he chooses to finally retire.
- Oct 28, 1999
- 62,484
- 8,345
- 126
How old are you? To those of us in our 20/30/40 that seems like common sense. To those who are 50, 60, 70 it's a very generation(s) with a very different level of guarantee made to them by their employers and they didn't have the tools and research options available to them that we do now. $10 index fund trades online? Pffft. Depending on how old your parents are the only thing they could do was call a stock broker and pay 5 or 10 times that for an individual stock.
Just very different world now than it was 50 years ago.
Leros
Lifer
- Jul 11, 2004
- 21,867
- 7
- 81
In the past couple of years, he's come out of a financial rut. He's managed to put this savings together in only the past 1.5 years. His income is now high enough that the expected family contribution for FAFSA is larger than what her actual expenses will be for a state school. I doubt my sister will eligible for much aid.
He's the kind of guy that will sacrifice everything to take care of his family, so he'll do everything he can to help my sister out through college. There is not talking him out of that. And he'll have his pension, which is worth about $40k/year plus social security. He'll be fine financially when he's old, its just a question of the kind of lifestyle he'll be able to live.
HardcoreRobot
Lifer
- Nov 7, 2000
- 16,403
- 3
- 81
If she can't support herself, you DO basically have to. Though I will say that is a good positive view of it.
At my age (mid 50's) I've been through this already with a lot of elderly relatives, and a serious percentage of my friends have also. Thanks for the viewpoint from a younger crowd.
It's not easy. I know quite a few families that were torn apart by differences.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind. First, money, while important, isn't as difficult to come up with as Time. Raising kids and dealing with older relatives takes a lot of time, at inconvenient hours. You thought it was hard deciding on who deals with day care, who gives up their job? It gets worse when you need both of your incomes to save for your own retirement.
Illness will throw you - either your parents' illness, or your own, from stress. And the money aspect will crush you. No matter how much money your parents have, it's not enough for the hospital/doctor bills. Ever hear of spending down for medicade? Good luck with that.
Start researching nursing homes now. If you can't make time now, while you're healthy, you certainly won't do it well under the stress of actually needing one.
Bless you all, and thank you to the elderly who've made our lives possible.
It's not easy. I know quite a few families that were torn apart by differences.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind. First, money, while important, isn't as difficult to come up with as Time. Raising kids and dealing with older relatives takes a lot of time, at inconvenient hours. You thought it was hard deciding on who deals with day care, who gives up their job? It gets worse when you need both of your incomes to save for your own retirement.
Illness will throw you - either your parents' illness, or your own, from stress. And the money aspect will crush you. No matter how much money your parents have, it's not enough for the hospital/doctor bills. Ever hear of spending down for medicade? Good luck with that.
Start researching nursing homes now. If you can't make time now, while you're healthy, you certainly won't do it well under the stress of actually needing one.
Bless you all, and thank you to the elderly who've made our lives possible.
Dad's an engineer and remarried to an accounting VP. He'll be OK. Mom is an RN and even when she retires I bet she will still work 20 hours a week which for an RN can be 40-50k. They all have decent retirement accounts as far as I know. Mom will get a state pension as well.
Mother in law is already retired, has zero money, zero assets and zero future. I don't see myself supporting her now or ever. Before you bring out the judgement hammer accept the fact that there are family circumstances you are not privy to.
Mother in law is already retired, has zero money, zero assets and zero future. I don't see myself supporting her now or ever. Before you bring out the judgement hammer accept the fact that there are family circumstances you are not privy to.
OutHouse
Lifer
- Jun 5, 2000
- 36,410
- 616
- 126
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