Supporting your parents due to lack of retirement? Related article.

[lokiju]

I read this article and it got me thinking about this topic again.
http://consumerist.com/2011/11/are-...t-your-financially-irresponsible-parents.html

Anyone see the possibility of need to financially support their parents once they get to the age that they can no longer work?

It's a topic my brother and I discuss from time to time and fear it's a real possibility for us with our parents. I'm married with a son a mortgage, the whole 9. Same deal with my brother.

Thankfully my in-laws both put their decades of work into places that are as of this year being used (both in-laws retired this year) so it looks to be just my parents in my situation that may need the help of my brother and myself financially speaking.

My brother on the other hand will likely need to help on both sides, our parents and his mother in law.

We've rarely had discussions on it with my parents as they're pretty unwilling to talk or listen to advice from their "kids". I think it's a pride thing at times.

We had a "intervention" with them last year and sat down with them and tried to talk through things and help them with a plan and to all brainstorm and come up with some options in hopes that maybe an idea would come out of it that they'd actually be willing to consider and take action on but so far it seems it's all in one ear and out the other.

Kind of a helpless feeling in someways.

Like seeing a crash coming you can't avoid.

Reading that article makes me think though that this situation isn't unique to my family.

Anyone else facing this in their future or actually supporting their parents currently?

Or even better yet, has anyone been able to do something to help steer away from the crash?

 

[trmiv]

My parents are retired, and they are getting by with my Dad's pension and some retirement stuff, but it's getting harder. I think we are going to have to start helping soon. I do have my brother and sister to help though.

My wife's mom though is totally unprepared. She's still working, but every year could lose her job due to budget cutbacks. If she does lose her job she pretty much just has us to support her. We already have to help her a decent amount because she doesn't make much, so it could be quite a handful when she stops working. I don't mind so much, but it worries me quite a bit since my wife and I aren't exactly rolling in cash. We live decently, but that's just supporting mainly ourselves. We want to have a child soon, so that definitely adds to it. With my parents it's easier because I have siblings to help, but my wife doesn't.

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

they reap what they sow.
if they weren't financially responsible to save for their own retirement, fuck 'em.

 

[shortylickens]

The way things are going I'll probably be leeching off my mom well into her retirement.
I was seriously hoping to be super successful by 30 and helping her stop slaving away a couple years early.
That plan went to shit.

 

[Zeze]

they reap what they sow.
if they weren't financially responsible to save for their own retirement, fuck 'em.

Yes, my parents immigrated here 16 years ago, both worked 2 shifts working at factories but provided hot meals waiting for us two kids without fail. They sold the small house back in Korea and bought a 3bd house here with the combined earnings while most of our American neighbors still lived on rent. They also sent me and my brother through college (while I also worked full time + loans too).

Their life was nothing but love for me and my bro. Now they're proud small restaurant owners but I don't think it's doing well enough for them to retire for next 20 years.

So yes, fuck them.

 

[shortylickens]

Congrats, you just got trolled.

 

[vi edit]

they reap what they sow.
if they weren't financially responsible to save for their own retirement, fuck 'em.

What if they worked for years for a company and had a pension that got pulled? Or had a heavy company stock plan and the company went tits up? Or they had horrible medical conditions that wiped them out? Or they were evenly invested in some index funds and watched 1/3 or more of their earnings get wiped out with the market tanking when they went to retire? Or any other host of things.

We all can plan, but there's just some things we either can't account for or even if we try, it's still not enough.

No doubt there's some completely irresponsible parents out there that blew their nest eggs on vacation homes or corvettes, or any other host of things and compromised their retirements.

But there's also a lot out there that put a lot of money into their kids for college or making sure they had somewhat decent clothes so they didn't get made fun of at school, or took them on vacations for lifelong memories, or made sure they had a car so they could get around for jobs or other things. All stuff like that that's unselfish, but still compromising savings.

Factor that in with rising health care costs, ever increasing property taxes, high gas prices act, and fixed income really start to get squeezed.

It's not a black and white argument.

 

[ponyo]

I give my mom ~$1k/month spending money. I also pay her health insurance premium $542/month. I do this because I love her, not because I have to.

 

[Aharami]

Yes, my parents immigrated here 16 years ago, both worked 2 shifts working at factories but provided hot meals waiting for us two kids without fail. They sold the small house back in Korea and bought a 3bd house here with the combined earnings while most of our American neighbors still lived on rent. They also sent me and my brother through college (while I also worked full time + loans too).

Their life was nothing but love for me and my bro. Now they're proud small restaurant owners but I don't think it's doing well enough for them to retire for next 20 years.

So yes, fuck them.

cant give you :thumbsup: big enough! I'm in a similar position as you and I will have to support my parents when they cant work anymore, and that is fine with me.

 

[Texashiker]

Have your parents start a blog and create residual income

 

[sygyzy]

OP - Are you Asian?

 

[lokiju]

OP - Are you Asian?

Nope. White.

It's seemly more common though to see this happen with Asian and Latin families from my own observations.

I'm actually going to factor this into the next house I buy down the road. Detached "in laws" suite or drive up accessible finished basement. I see them moving in within 10 years. I just hope they pull off some magic trick and prove me wrong.

They're actually coming to visit in a few days for thanksgiving. I plan on taking some time to sit down with them and see where there at and if we can come up with a realistic retirement plan.

Hardest part is always getting them to put down their barriers and discuss openly.

 

[sygyzy]

Reason I ask is this is becoming more and more prevalent in immigrant families, especially for first generation kids. Just imagine your family escaped from Cambodia to the US. Your parents are busting their ass to take care of your grandparents and you and your sister. They also have a variety of jobs such as owning a small liquor store or nail salon, if they're lulcky. They don't understand what a 401k or Roth IRA is. They don't even have insurance for themselves. Or they work for someone else and that person screws them and doesn't offer any sort of retirement package. And even if they did, it's not like they have $14,000 a year to max out their 401k.

You can see how it's very easy for a couple to have no money at all when they retire. I know this sounds terrible for me to say especially since parents sacrifice so much to raise their kids but as someone who is potentially in this scenario, it's extremely stressful and depressing. Imagine you are still young, 25 or 30. Starting to really become an adult, with a career, maybe house and kid on the way and in the back of your mind you realize that you might be taking care of your parents. Not when you are 50 and they are ready to head to the retirement home, but right now.

 

[foghorn67]

Nope. Dad retired 15 years ago but still had some jobs afterwards in the same field. Mostly because he's a busybody and can't stand not working. Now he has a job he loves doing. Doesn't make much, but he loves not being an engineer.
Plus he has more time for volunteer work and most importantly, golfing.
Mom comes into hobby stores and instructs how-to workshops. And she lends her voice to local radio ads.
They are in their 60's. I don't think they are going to lounge around and tour the world for a while.

 

[CrazyAznDriver]

I'll help them find a nursing home that takes Medicaid.

 

[sygyzy]

I'll help them find a nursing home that takes Medicaid.

You're Asian? Good luck with that. I have never heard of an Asian person in a retirement home. Ever. Not saying it doesn't happen but the fact that I've met plenty of grandparents, great aunts, friends of my grandma etc, and none of them have ever stepped inside a home tells you how strong Asian cultural exception is.

 

[Bignate603]

My mom might need help, she had plenty (due to divorce settlement, my dad was very generous) but she's blown through most of it. She has a shopping addiction and mild hoarding (lots of clutter and stuff but nothing that is a health risk) and us kids have tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to change.

I don't want to leave her out in the cold, she's my mom. However, if I give her money for food and a place to live that will just free up more money for her to feed her addiction. I don't know what I'm going to do, I want to make sure my mom is taken care of but I refuse to enable her buying and hoarding.

 

[Tsaico]

My folks retired and have enough to support themselves. The non-standard upkeep is what I have started to pick up. Things like roof repair, a septic tank at there house, car repairs... that is more because for some reason in their old age, they got really bad at these small things, not so much because they don't have the money. But even if they did, until they needed some sort of hospice care, I would do it.

My folks have done nearly every thing a parent could do for me and my sisters, and I owe it to them to try to help them in any way i can.

 

[sdifox]

I fully expect to take care of them if they can't handle it.

 

[child of wonder]

My mother in law is about to begin drawing SS at age 62. She doesn't have a dime to her name and she refuses to work.

My wife and I aren't helping her.

 

[OutHouse]

they reap what they sow.
if they weren't financially responsible to save for their own retirement, fuck 'em.

why must you be a little bitch all the time?

 

[Exterous]

My parents should be fine. My mother in law though - worked hard for most of her life but got screwed by divorce+housing market. Now shes trying to support the other 2 deadbeat fuck-up kids.

We already pay the car insurance since we gave her my old car (but still in my name) and soon to be her cell phone bill (No house line) so, yes, I fully expect to have to support her (Not like her other kids will ever help) but she's family so of course we will do so

 

[dud]

Taking this subject a step further ...

Back in the day it was customary to support your parents and other elderly relatives by having them move into your home. My parents are both deceased. My father was Italian while my mother was of German descent. Back in the 70s my great-uncle on my mother's side came to live with us from NYC. Shortly thereafter my grandfather died and my grandmother came to live with us as well. They owned their own house so my grandmother sold it and we built an extension onto the house.

This was considered normal in-the-day ... for the parents to not only take care of their kids but to take care of their parents as well. It was tough growing up with little privacy but I can just imagine how tough it was on my parents ... especially my father.

I don't expect my kids to take care of me when I get old. I would rather join the Hemlock Society before I became dependent on someone else. I guess I feel this way because I've seen what it takes first-hand to support so many ...

 

[airdata]

they reap what they sow.
if they weren't financially responsible to save for their own retirement, fuck 'em.

I realize you're probably trolling. In the event you aren't I'd like to say that you're an f'ing idiot.

My dad lost a huge chunk of his retirement money in the past few years. Work 50-60 hour weeks for 20+ years to have some assholes on wallstreet take your money to the casino stick it in a slot machine.

 

[BlahBlahYouToo]

Yes, my parents immigrated here 16 years ago, both worked 2 shifts working at factories but provided hot meals waiting for us two kids without fail. They sold the small house back in Korea and bought a 3bd house here with the combined earnings while most of our American neighbors still lived on rent. They also sent me and my brother through college (while I also worked full time + loans too).

Their life was nothing but love for me and my bro. Now they're proud small restaurant owners but I don't think it's doing well enough for them to retire for next 20 years.

So yes, fuck them.

i don't know how you commies do it in kim jong land, but over here in america, we don't live with our parents for 35 years or until marriage.
if you feel obligated to care for them because you've been sucking on their teet for so long, that's your business.