- Jan 7, 2002
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I recently saw a research study on hundreds of patients with schizophrenia. The one common denominator that all patients had in their background was that they had never once been genuinely affirmed. It?s staggering to think that there might be a correlation.
In the book ?Executive EQ,? author Robert Cooper quotes research indicating that 58 percent to 93 percent of workers say that they have never once been genuinely recognized by a superior. This does not indicate whether an effort was made, but instead indicates whether the person felt they were genuinely recognized.
Managers, I know, I know what you?re thinking: ?Not me. I say thank you all the time.?
That doesn?t cut it. Let me explain: There?s a difference between saying thank you and conveying recognition.
If you say thanks without taking your eyes off your e-mail when someone hands you a report that she or he has worked on day and night, it doesn?t count. That?s the same kind of perfunctory thanks you?d give your butler, if you had one, when he served your coffee. But people you work with aren?t your servants, they?re your employees. Here?s how genuine thanks and acknowledgement occurs:
1. You must make eye contact. No distractions, no multitasking. E-mails don?t cut it either. You need to convey that you really see the person standing there. Add the clasp of a hand if you can.
2. The thanks must be specific to the task. Not a cursory thank you, but instead something like: ?Thanks for all the extra time you put in on this report this week, Nancy. I really appreciate your effort and I look forward to reviewing it.?
3. Add a comment or two designed to enhance the person?s self-esteem. ?Nancy, you always show such careful attention to detail! I really appreciate that.? Or ? I know I can count on you in a pinch.? If you?re feeling especially generous, adding a few remarks about how fortunate you are to have that person on the team goes a long way, too.
So simple. So why doesn?t the boss do it more?
* Employees know we appreciate them; we don?t have to say it. Yes, the same way your spouse knows you love him and you don?t have to say it. Until he finds someone who will say it and you?re on the outside looking in.
* They?re just doing their job. We pay them to do it. Yes, that?s true. And it works really well for robots; not as well for those who have feelings.
* Nobody thanks me for what I do. Two wrongs still don?t add up to right.
* It humbles us, and we don?t like to be humbled because we?re the boss. This is really the crux, isn?t it? If we act like we really need them, then maybe we don?t seem so omnipotent. Here?s a reality check ? we do need them. The one thing that most people who are powerful and successful have in common is that they didn?t get there alone.
When we think to give thanks, how high on the list of things we are grateful for are the people who work for us? The ones we spend more time with, in actuality, than just about anyone else in our lives. The ones who knock themselves out to make us look good. The ones who sacrifice countless things in their personal lives to pitch in when we need it most. Are they even on our list?
I worked for years for a boss who had never ever said thank you to me for anything. Not even a cursory, said-in-passing thank you. Nothing. Then one day I got an e-mail in response to a project I had completed saying: ?This is exactly what I wanted.?
No thanks were conveyed, but it was enough. I nearly danced on my desk. Because as much as we tell ourselves we don?t need affirmation, at some level all of us want to please the boss ? that?s why we?re here. And hoping that we?re noticed before we start showing signs of mental illness.
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In the book ?Executive EQ,? author Robert Cooper quotes research indicating that 58 percent to 93 percent of workers say that they have never once been genuinely recognized by a superior. This does not indicate whether an effort was made, but instead indicates whether the person felt they were genuinely recognized.
Managers, I know, I know what you?re thinking: ?Not me. I say thank you all the time.?
That doesn?t cut it. Let me explain: There?s a difference between saying thank you and conveying recognition.
If you say thanks without taking your eyes off your e-mail when someone hands you a report that she or he has worked on day and night, it doesn?t count. That?s the same kind of perfunctory thanks you?d give your butler, if you had one, when he served your coffee. But people you work with aren?t your servants, they?re your employees. Here?s how genuine thanks and acknowledgement occurs:
1. You must make eye contact. No distractions, no multitasking. E-mails don?t cut it either. You need to convey that you really see the person standing there. Add the clasp of a hand if you can.
2. The thanks must be specific to the task. Not a cursory thank you, but instead something like: ?Thanks for all the extra time you put in on this report this week, Nancy. I really appreciate your effort and I look forward to reviewing it.?
3. Add a comment or two designed to enhance the person?s self-esteem. ?Nancy, you always show such careful attention to detail! I really appreciate that.? Or ? I know I can count on you in a pinch.? If you?re feeling especially generous, adding a few remarks about how fortunate you are to have that person on the team goes a long way, too.
So simple. So why doesn?t the boss do it more?
* Employees know we appreciate them; we don?t have to say it. Yes, the same way your spouse knows you love him and you don?t have to say it. Until he finds someone who will say it and you?re on the outside looking in.
* They?re just doing their job. We pay them to do it. Yes, that?s true. And it works really well for robots; not as well for those who have feelings.
* Nobody thanks me for what I do. Two wrongs still don?t add up to right.
* It humbles us, and we don?t like to be humbled because we?re the boss. This is really the crux, isn?t it? If we act like we really need them, then maybe we don?t seem so omnipotent. Here?s a reality check ? we do need them. The one thing that most people who are powerful and successful have in common is that they didn?t get there alone.
When we think to give thanks, how high on the list of things we are grateful for are the people who work for us? The ones we spend more time with, in actuality, than just about anyone else in our lives. The ones who knock themselves out to make us look good. The ones who sacrifice countless things in their personal lives to pitch in when we need it most. Are they even on our list?
I worked for years for a boss who had never ever said thank you to me for anything. Not even a cursory, said-in-passing thank you. Nothing. Then one day I got an e-mail in response to a project I had completed saying: ?This is exactly what I wanted.?
No thanks were conveyed, but it was enough. I nearly danced on my desk. Because as much as we tell ourselves we don?t need affirmation, at some level all of us want to please the boss ? that?s why we?re here. And hoping that we?re noticed before we start showing signs of mental illness.
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