Strange things that happen at work

[oznerol]

My company has this ongoing divide between project teams. We have this one project - it's new, shiny, profitable - and a team for it. We have another project - older, less profitable, behind schedule, poorly managed, etc - with its own team.

The company shows obvious bias toward the new project and in turn treats the older project like a bastard stepchild - much to the dismay of the older project's team.

One day, a member of the old team made a request for reimbursement for a $10 memory stick needed for the project. He got rejected.

A few days later, the section of the office where the new project team sits has these fancy new (professionally made) signs at both entrances with the project name on them - ultimately serving no purpose whatsoever.

So the guy who got the $10 rejected cut out a piece of cardboard from a box lying around, wrote in magic marker our project name, cut holes in it and hung it from the ceiling.

The sign still stands, and management laughed it off instead of understanding the animosity behind the sign.

 

[CycloWizard]

When trying to pick a graduate advisor, I was visiting a lab and having a meeting with the prof. He asked me if I was squeamish, I said no. Just then, someone taps me on the shoulder (his current grad student). I turn around as the grad student says, "Are you sure?" He then pulls out a bag of 40-50 bloody pig eyeballs fresh from the slaugherhouse.

My response: "That was a little creepy, but I think I'm ok."

 

[Steve]

Originally posted by: thepd7

Originally posted by: txrandom
My new hire just sent me this email:
Hi Frank,

I hope this finds you well. Having only started at [Company] this week, I wanted to reach out to you before I left for National Training this Sunday. Over past three days, waves of information have been surging out from projectors and screens, but your presentation this morning piqued my interests and has been akin to a surfboard. Instead of swimming through the information, I am riding on top it.

Your talk on the current credit crunch was reassuring and inspiring. That is why I asked that critical question ? to learn from a partner. On the first day, Freddy Simon commented on this starting class, saying ?you are entering the profession during exciting times.? While recent events are unfortunate, I am interested to the steps the profession, regulators, and industry will take over the past few months; and ultimately, I aim to better serve my clients and [Company], armed with that first-hand knowledge. To me this is ?exciting.?

When I first interviewed with [Company]. One of my interviewers asked if I had some future goals in sight. My reply was simple and straightforward, and more than likely, it is a common desire. ?I am here to become a partner. To spend the next 20 years of my life here.? I am only 3 days into my career, but I hold true to that statement.

Your candor, honesty, and knowledge impressed me. If you ever have need of an enthusiastic Audit Assistant, I am more than willing to suit up, jump in, and catch a wave. And if you are interested to know, I actually do surf.

Thank you once again and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

-Douchebag

You think that guy is a douche?

This could go one of two ways:

1. He is as motivated and driven as he says, in which case he will kick ass for you in everything you ask of him and eventually make it to partner.

2. He is just kissing your ass in which case you can get him to do your shit work.

Seems to me like a win-win.

I think txrandom is a douche for copying Spooner.

 

[Koing]

A mates mates company. This guy was fired for playing porn on his computer. He tried to minimise it but didn't quite and pretended to work. This management guy saw the porn playing on the background in one of his 4 screens

Koing

 

[olds]

Cliffs
Attacked by ax murderer

It was a dark and stormy night. Literally, I was in a plow truck. I pulled into the closed CHP scales (I have a key) in Camino, CA to use the bathroom. As I pulled into them, I saw a person at the pay phone jumping up and down. I didn?t see a vehicle so I assumed he had walked there. I didn?t know why at the time, but he gave me the creeps.
I pulled past the building about 40? and positioned the truck so I could watch him in the mirror. I figured when he left, I?d go in the building. I reached way over and locked the passenger door. I thought I?d locked the driver?s door. I watched him ?dance? (he was still jumping around) up to within 20? of my door. He started yelling to me and I rolled the window a little more than half way down so I could hear him. He was rambling and he came over and stepped up onto the fuel tank step. I turned on the interior light and saw blood splatters all over his face and the front of his jacket.
I assumed he had been in a wreck (no car) and he had walked to the scales for help. I asked him if he had wrecked and was anyone else hurt? Speaking very quickly he said that he had to get down the hill. I asked him again where his car was at and did he need help. He?s holding on to the partially raised window and rocking back and forth saying he had to go down the hill.
I told him I?d call the CHP for him and get him a ride. He started yelling ?NO COPS! NO COPS!?
Now I was wondering WTF? I told him to get down off the truck and to go around to the passenger door and I?d give him a ride. I figured when he got down, I?d drive away.
Instead, he tried to drag me through the window by my jacket. I knocked his hand off of me then punched him and knocked him off the truck. He hit the ground on both feet and was stumbling backwards. I hit the door lock with my left elbow to double check the lock and it clicked down. My butt puckered up and grabbed the seat cushion; I thought I had locked the door. I am releasing the brake, grabbing the radio mic and shifting all at the same time. As I am doing this I am looking at him to see if the is going to jump back on. Plow trucks have no acceleration. I see he has a wooded stick in his hands and I am wondering where that came from as he had both hands on the window. He doesn?t try to get back on and I head for next exit and call my lead worker and he tells me he heard on the scanner that there was a guy up there with an axe. Seems the guy tied to get a ride just before I got there and that person had called the cops. The guy didn?t try to jack his car, he just left.
I get to the next exit and turn back in the direction of the scales, I park on the shoulder and wait fort the cops. A couple of minutes later, they (2 cars) go blowing by me on the way to the scales. I head back to the scales and as I enter them, they have him at gun point. He has his hands in the air and is turning in circles. I put my high beams on him and one of the cops holsters his weapon and attempts to hand cuff the guy. He resists and the fight is on.
I get out and they have him on his hands and knees and he?s not fighting but he is resisting. They can?t get him prone or cuff him. Another cops shows up and he starts nailing the guy with his baton. The sound is echoing off the building with each blow. And this cop was good sized. The guy on the ground isn?t even flinching. Another cop shows up and the four of them get him cuffed.
They get him in the back of the car and are interviewing me. I tell them what happened and about the stick I saw. One of the cops goes over to the building and comes back. He said, ?Is this what you saw?? It was. What I had seen was the handle of a hatchet. I never saw the other end because of the light.
I went back to my station.
They took him to jail and on the way; he broke out the side window with his head. They stopped and hog tied him.
The next day, a man took his niece home to his sister?s house because the girl?s mom didn?t show up that morning to pick up her daughter. She lived below the scales just over the bank a ways. When they got there, there was blood every where and mom was dead.
Cops come and find a restraining order against the guy they had arrested the night before. Seems she got the order because he threatened to kill her with an axe.
I end up testifying in court and he?s found guilty.
Turns out he was on PCP and he already had two strikes.

Too top this off, two weeks after this happened I was parked down by the river getting a snack out of my lunch box. A deputy pulls p beside me and says: ?Hey Chris. You seen a guys wearing a hockey mask and carrying a rifle running up and down the river bank?
I laugh because I think he is teasing me about the killer. He assures me that they have a report of the person. I tell him I hadn?t seen him but if he was there, he?d find me. So I left.
It not all about dodging errant drivers.

 

[kranky]

Holy CRAP, olds. You win this topic in perpetuity.

 

[ShotgunSteven]

Temp-worker on drugs?

White-out on a white marker board.

 

[Fritzo]

You kidding? My office could be a sit-com:

Like the time our finance director was sitting as his desk, looking over payroll, and our phone guy came crashing though the drop ceiling onto his desk (he was laying wire and slipped)

Or the time one of our female call takers stretched and moved her arms behind her back. Unfortunately her button shirt was so tight the buttons popped....and so did our eyes.

Or the time we made a band at work and played for the company Labor Day party, and the singer got drunk and started slipping in shots at our boss during songs.

Or the time I was testing a Netmeeting server, and accidentally made it public, and while my head was down looking at a huge manual some homos popped on the screen and started "pleasuring" themselves. The guy in the cubicle behind me turns around at that time and yells "AWWWW- YOU i love you!!!!!!" and runs off. I was like "whaa???", then I saw the screen. I shut it down quick, and then hear over the company PA- "FRITZO IS A BUTT MONKEY!!!"

Or the time we all walked in on Monday and there was such a bad stench in the building, we had to evacuate. People were dropping from nausea, the fire dept. had to be called in, and the EPA had the building checked. It turned out someone had thrown away some kind of food on Friday night, the air conditioning was turned off for maintenance, and...well...it festered. One of the firemen said "I've moved liquefied dead bodies that didn't smell this bad!" The vapors had some kind of toxins in it so we all went to Bob Evans while they vented the building.

I have a book of others....

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

These are great, keep them coming. ShotgunSteve I had already read the one about your crazy co-worker but it still cracks me up :laugh:

 

[Chaotic42]

When I worked at McDonald's, a woman brought her dog into the store. Someone told her that she couldn't have it inside. About that time the dog jumped out of her arms and ran back into the kitchen where someone almost tripped over it.

The woman was removed from the store.

 

[imported_weadjust]

I worked as a bartender in college. Hot drunk chick jumps up on the bar to dance coyote ugly style. She didn't notice the ceiling fan on high. Danced her pretty little head into the ceiling fan and stopped it from spinning. That was some funny shit.

 

[Iron Woode]

a few years ago I was working late on Saturday night. My boss came in and told me I could go home. We park are cars out behind the store and it is rather dark back there. So I go back there and as I am walking to my car, I notice a guy standing behind my boss's car. As my eyes adjusted to the low light, I saw that he was banging some bimbo on the trunk lid of my boss's car. I yelled at him to get the hell out of there. They leave and I go tell my boss what happened. We go back to his car and I find a $20 bill on the ground near the car. We then laugh and I get his whore money.

All in a good day's work.

 

[Red Squirrel]

lol funny stories.

There was an issue opening a certain web page and we kept getting calls. We have no control over this stuff as it's not even our servers but it turned out it was a DNS issue and going direct IP worked. So I sent an email to all employees to explain how to do this. One of my co workers as a joke did a reply (not reply all) and added everyone from our group and said "your full of shit" just as a joke.

This is where it gets funny. The new guy, who had been working for less then a week decided to be funny and do the same by calling me a nerd for figuring this out, BUT he hit reply all... oops! joke was on him.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Oh another strange thing, not really that strange mind you. We were smelling this really thick burn smell, like a failed overclock. We were trying to track it and I pretty much had it tracked to one of the light tubes. Seemed like the balast was going. They ended up evacuating the whole building for this, and it did turn out to be the balast.

 

[Locut0s]

Originally posted by: thepd7

Originally posted by: txrandom
My new hire just sent me this email:
Hi Frank,

I hope this finds you well. Having only started at [Company] this week, I wanted to reach out to you before I left for National Training this Sunday. Over past three days, waves of information have been surging out from projectors and screens, but your presentation this morning piqued my interests and has been akin to a surfboard. Instead of swimming through the information, I am riding on top it.

Your talk on the current credit crunch was reassuring and inspiring. That is why I asked that critical question ? to learn from a partner. On the first day, Freddy Simon commented on this starting class, saying ?you are entering the profession during exciting times.? While recent events are unfortunate, I am interested to the steps the profession, regulators, and industry will take over the past few months; and ultimately, I aim to better serve my clients and [Company], armed with that first-hand knowledge. To me this is ?exciting.?

When I first interviewed with [Company]. One of my interviewers asked if I had some future goals in sight. My reply was simple and straightforward, and more than likely, it is a common desire. ?I am here to become a partner. To spend the next 20 years of my life here.? I am only 3 days into my career, but I hold true to that statement.

Your candor, honesty, and knowledge impressed me. If you ever have need of an enthusiastic Audit Assistant, I am more than willing to suit up, jump in, and catch a wave. And if you are interested to know, I actually do surf.

Thank you once again and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

-Douchebag

You think that guy is a douche?

This could go one of two ways:

1. He is as motivated and driven as he says, in which case he will kick ass for you in everything you ask of him and eventually make it to partner.

2. He is just kissing your ass in which case you can get him to do your shit work.

Seems to me like a win-win.

I don't know maybe it comes from never having worked in an office environment but I just get an overwhelming sense of creepiness from reading that email.

 

[Born2bwire]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: AkumaX

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: AkumaX
This thread is worthless without... genital erections?

Is that what you really want?

im trying to figure out the TTIWWGE part

... groping eunuchs?

the GE clearly stands for Graphic Email.

Pffft... that's ridiculous.

I vote for .... galloping ecclesiastics.

 

[Sentrosi2121]

I'm expecting some of these stories to be central plots on The Office!

Great stories! :thumbsup:

Edit: One just happened to me.
I'm waiting for the elevator to take me down to the break area. The doors open and I step through, press the floor button and the doors close. It was then that I detected a huge stink in the elevator. I looked all around the elevator and noticed a brown stain in one of the corners of the elevator. I had to travel this elevator for 5 floors and, well, I got out and promptly called the front desk security person about it.

 

[jagec]

Turns out that the guy who works in receiving for our medical research facility is convinced that vaccines gave his kid autism. Maybe I should start checking our packages for explosives.

 

[ShotgunSteven]

Originally posted by: kranky

One more: An employee's wife wrote a letter to the head of our Los Angeles office pleading for them to fire the receptionist there because the receptionist was fooling around with her husband. The letter actually had a long, logical explanation of why the affair was affecting productivity in the office. It was as if the wife had done a business analysis of the situation and had no emotional involvement at all.

What happened with this one?

 

[OCfreakley]

About 15 years ago I was working in a local supermarket and we had a guy there who was diabetic.
He would always forget to take his shots. One day I turn around the corner to the backroom to throw some boxes in the baler.
I see him passed out at the controls of the forklift truck.
He must have been coming out of the meat dept's cooler because the forks were all the way up and the top of the cooler door was all bent to hell from the forks.
The truck is at an ugly angle as if it was about to tip over. I just about crapped my pants.
He ended up getting a written warning about taking his meds and wasn't allowed to run the forks anymore.

 

[TallBill]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
Cliffs
Attacked by ax murderer

That's fucking nuts.

For me, I've dozens of crazy things with explosives while in Afghanistan.

1. Driving along, we spot an unexploded mortar on the side of the road. A local afghani de-mining guy happens to be driving by, so we point it out. He walks over, picks it up, and literally underhand tosses it into the back of truck. We all had faces like :shocked: as we watched it in flight.

2. A child placed an anti-personnel mine on the ground near a compound that we were doing some police training in. A radio call was about to be made, when one of our hired Afghani guards casually walked out to the device, picked it up with his hands and literally disarmed it. Once again, every American involved was :shocked:

3. While on a patrol at night, the decision was made to stop at a police checkpoint because rocket attacks have been occurring in the area. The officer tells us that he's found some rockets, but first we should come inside his little shack for some tea. We agree to the tea, and go inside. We're in there for 3-4 minutes bullshitting with this local cop when someone looks over and spots 4 arial rockets with tubes piled in the corner. Once again, :shocked:

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: ShotgunSteven

Originally posted by: kranky

One more: An employee's wife wrote a letter to the head of our Los Angeles office pleading for them to fire the receptionist there because the receptionist was fooling around with her husband. The letter actually had a long, logical explanation of why the affair was affecting productivity in the office. It was as if the wife had done a business analysis of the situation and had no emotional involvement at all.

What happened with this one?

There was no affair going on (we think the wife who wrote the letter was a little off) and they just ignored the letter. About three months later, the employee was fired for bringing a gun to work. He was a pretty laid-back guy and never threatened anyone, he brought it for personal protection since some of the work was being done in not-nice areas of LA. But they couldn't make an exception.

 

[Kev]

Originally posted by: Born2bwire

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: AkumaX

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: AkumaX
This thread is worthless without... genital erections?

Is that what you really want?

im trying to figure out the TTIWWGE part

... groping eunuchs?

the GE clearly stands for Graphic Email.

Pffft... that's ridiculous.

I vote for .... galloping ecclesiastics.

Graphic Email is teh winnar. Still waiting on the graphic email, btw.