crisscross
Golden Member
TEN HUSBANDS
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a Software Process Improvement Manager; he kept telling me how great it was going to be, but in the meantime nothing actually changed.
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he said it was a hardware problems and was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
"Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband#10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was....God! I MISS HIM!!!!
"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"
"Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Another one,
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a Software Process Improvement Manager; he kept telling me how great it was going to be, but in the meantime nothing actually changed.
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he said it was a hardware problems and was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
"Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband#10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was....God! I MISS HIM!!!!
"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"
"Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Another one,
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
