still reeling from relationship blues

[randal]

broke up with my girlfriend about 3 months ago ... it was a pretty clean break up, but I still think about her all the time. I miss the closeness. I miss the sex [sigh]. I miss the ability to actually talk to someone and have it be real. She has made it clear that there is no chance for a getting-back-together thing.

So I decided that I'm not going to let this kill me, and have determined to squash the feelings and make her just another girl. First off, how does a person do this? Second off, [problem here], we share a lot of friends and invariably spend a small amount of time together -- this is not helping, because every time I see her I want her.

any tips for trying to kill feelings?
randal

 

[Teatowel]

It's a shame that you share friends and have to see her all the time.

Find another woman as soon as you can

Time will heal.

 

[p0tempkin]

You really have to go above and beyond your normal socializing and find another woman quick. Even if she isn't everything you want, you need someone to take your attention away from the obvious.

 

[rlism]

yup, another girl, that'll kill things in a hurry.

 

[randal]

so getting another girl is the answer ... are we talking a random peice of poontang or are we talking real relationship material? I am not sure I'm completely down with another long-termer; they are rough on the mind and heart.

randal

 

[TranceNation]

Most likely if you find another girl so quick you will not like her as much and will be breaking shortly after, this is called the 'rebound' effect.

 

[randal]

hrmm ... rebounding is bad. The worst part about this is that I am male, and as stereotypically so, i don't have any really good friends to talk to about it. I mean, sure I can talk to another guy about it, but there's not really any compassion and whatnot there. I'm sure the guys in the crowd dig.

<-- goes off to find some honeys
randal

 

[StormRider]

Okay, I'm a bit confused. I've never been in a relationship so excuse this stupid question. A lot of times I hear from people who recently broke up with someone and they miss him/her. They still have feelings for this person. They want the other person back. They still think about the other person a lot etc.

So, why break up in the first place? I don't understand this. People are always vague about the reasons for the breakup. Why do people break up?

 

[randal]

not a stupid question at all ... I still have feelings for this person, but it is not reciprocated. She wanted to be not &quot;confined&quot; by a relationship, and be able to go about her way without having to worry about someone else [me]. See, I want her back because she's a super-great girl. She thinks I'm a great &quot;friend,&quot; but nothing more -- we had our relationship, and for her it's completely over. For me, though, it's not dead [yet].

People are generally vague about the original break-up reason simply because it hurts to tell and is usually pretty long. In my situation, she wanted to have the opportunity to experience things at her discretion, without having anyone sucking up her time or making her feel accountable or making her feel like she's being held back from doing anything she wants.

[sigh]
randal

 

[ibintegra]

Well, even though breakups can be clean, they're sometimes one sided. It's usually one guy/girl who wants out and the other is still in love. Getting another girl might be the answer, but you obviously don't want to put that girl through the same thing you're going through just so you can get over her. Been there, done that, it really sucks to make a girl go through that. You feel so awful.

 

[Looney]

<< The worst part about this is that I am male, and as stereotypically so, i don't have any really good friends to talk to about it >>



This is so true. Men get more depressed after a breakup/divorce than women, because women can normally talk to their friends and get support. Men try to deal with it themselves.



<< Okay, I'm a bit confused. I've never been in a relationship so excuse this stupid question. A lot of times I hear from people who recently broke up with someone and they miss him/her. They still have feelings for this person. They want the other person back. They still think about the other person a lot etc.

So, why break up in the first place? I don't understand this. People are always vague about the reasons for the breakup. Why do people break up? >>



Because there were other problems that at the time seemed bigger than the good. But when you break up, those problems aren't there anymore (or they're not as salient), and you miss the times you've had.

My advice... go out with your friends... have fun, and if that means finding a girl to take your mind off it, go for it. Doesn't have to be a serious relationship, just something to get your mind off her.

 

[randal]

yea, i really don't want to put some random girl through my existing issues ... hrm ... finding another really neat girl and getting a real relationship going would be great.

any other ideas on &quot;how to stop loving someone&quot; ?
randal

 

[StormRider]

Thanks. I think I understand things a bit better. Good luck in being able to move on.

 

[randal]

I've tried a couple of things to take my mind off of her, most of them in the self-improvement area: i play basketball every other day with a couple other guys, I weight lift, I run, I am picking up my spanish-speaking skills, working harder ... just trying to keep myself busy as hell so I don't have time to think about her. the sucky part though is that I still have free time, and I still think about her.

hrmmm, quite the situation, no?
randal

 

[TranceNation]

free time? hmmm, play some starcraft or unreal tourn

 

[ibintegra]

I think you stop worrying about the fact that you miss her. The more you talk and think about it, the worse it gets. Keeping yourself busy is good, but also give it some more time. 3 months may seem like a long time, but I think that in terms of time after a breakup, it's not very long. If you guys had something special (obviously you think so in your mind) then it'll be even tougher. Definitely trying to find some new people to hang out with will help, but that's always very difficult. Try to enjoy yourself, realize that the single life ain't so bad.

 

[randal]

odd you say that ... I'm sitting here installing broodwar on my laptop right now!

randal

 

[SmokeyTheBear]

How long did you date? and how old are you? high school? college? I think age has a lot to do with how long it takes to get over someone...


I'm sorry