- May 13, 2003
- 13,704
- 7
- 81
Sounds like you are doing what is expected of you, and you have no idea what actually makes you happy.
Sounds like you are doing what is expected of you, and you have no idea what actually makes you happy.
You're converting into a sheep. Pretty soon someone will be coming along to shear your wool.
Or you could run and go play with the wolves.
Or you could run and go play with the wolves.
I don't know if this necessarily applies to you, but I occasionally dwell on the fact that, as I'm no longer anywhere close to my early teens, I can now never officially be classified as a prodigy. Not that I ever had any particular skill that would be prodigy-worthy, but when I was a kid, there was always that potential. Who knew what I could become or what great things I would accomplish when I grew up?
Well now that I'm all grown up, I know (at least to a certain extent) what I can become and what great things I might be able to accomplish. Sure, I don't really know, but I have a much more defined view of what the future may entail. And that is really, really scary.
It's not scary in the sense that I see myself being a bum or doing something I incredibly hate. It's scary because I no longer see myself as having limitless potential. I know my limits, and while I'd like to think they're higher than the average person, just knowing I do have limits stifles me. Professional athletes peak starting at my age and it's only downhill from here. I feel mortal. I feel like I wish I could go back in time and maybe do things just a bit differently...
These feelings are generally brief and fleeting. Maybe it's my incredibly huge ego, but to a certain extent I still see myself as having vast amounts of potential. Surely not as much as when I was a kid, but what I do see isn't so shabby. Maybe what you're feeling is the certainty of marriage, that you're on the edge of being defined as a family man, that once you do become married, you'll have a lot of responsibility and a lot less random. I don't think physical activities will help with that. Nor do I think social clubs will. Maybe what you need is something so completely random and meaningful that after such a catalytic event you can look back and think that yes, you are ready to be that family man with the 2.5 children, driving that minivan. Who knows, maybe I'm just reflecting myself onto your situation, but I know a lot of my friends lately are feeling the quarter life crisis...
What you said you experienced really resonated with me... how old are you? Where do you live?
EDIT: Also, you said a lot of your friends were experiecing the "quarter-life" crisis... I'm in touch with a lot of my college friends in the same situation, but they don't seem willing to admit that they feel the same thing.
No way anyone's "stuck", there's always another way out. And it costs less than a pay cheque depending on your method
.Ok, seriously, it looks like you're going through a pre-real-life crisis. I had one earlier in the summer, and starting going out and doing random crap I've always though about, but said "I'll never" or "I won't". Well, I did, and it was fun although I got some people pissed at me (motorcycle...).
Also, like I finally experienced first hand recently, money isn't everything. I'm getting paid double what I woulda made at a different job I passed over, but I'm not happy. This is my second summer in the "corporate" world, and I am prepared to climb high, to the top, then jump out the freaking window if this is what my future is going to be like; I'm about to start my senior year of college in 2 weeks. Luckily, my dream job is the Army and my degree should help me out a bit.
If you don't want to settle down, don't.
quarter-life crisis is nothing more than an excuse for entering the real world, where everything isn't handed to you on a silver platter and you realize you aren't the special little sparkly gem you've been made to think you are. You're just like everybody else.
Regarding the path to happiness, it's up to you now to make that happen. Make friends, get a new girl and experience the second most fun time of your life - your mid twenties.
It sounds like you're constantly reaching for more. That's a decent motivator, but constantly reaching for a brass ring will only lead to more unhappiness. "If only I had this...", "if only my career were this", "if only I had more friends" then i'd be fine. Trouble is when you get those things, it's not fine and you're still in a funk.
I agree... and I think in writing a thread like this, I am fully accepting that idea.
The question is, "great... but what do I make it into, then?" There are so few examples whom I have run into PERSONALLY that have really made life into what they wanted it to be, so I don't have any role models.
I am surrounded by people who have submitted to the corporate "model" of life, or people who are otherwise uninspiring.
Then in the media, I see the opposite: people who are so successful that most people will never achieve their level.
It's hard to find people who have cut out their own path, yet are not so ridiculously powerful that I can't identify with them at all.
There are some basic assumptions: I have to earn money somehow so that I can eat and have shelter and live.
... and if I don't want to do that in the corporate world as I am right now, then I have to become self-made somehow...
... and I guess that's an entire gigantic problem that I'm just going to have to sort out.
Maybe once I sort that out, a lot of other things will fall into place.
Go play a team sport. It will help you meet the other just graduated kids from your area and allow you to get back some of that youthful vigor
I'm 24 and have been out in the working world for almost 3 years now (with 2 summers of internships before that). I live in DC and most of my friends down here are either consultants or bankers. Most work decent hours while a few of us work probably 70+ hours a week climbing the corporate ladder and trying to make that extra buck. That being said, a few of us have definitely been hit harder with the quarter life crisis than others...
One of my friends blew all his savings to go on two trips. The first trip was by himself to some remote island or something so he could just meditate on why he was so friggin' unhappy. The next one he went to Africa to go on safaris and climb Mount Killmanjaro. I'm pretty sure he's still quite unhappy, but he usually drowns that out each weekend with heavy drinking...
Another friend just went on a month long trip to South America. During the winter he had racked up 30+ snowboarding trips in a number of spots in North America. He just quit his job too.
As for myself, I went on a 100% travel project a year and a half ago and have racked up over 150k flying miles and 200+ nights in Hiltons or corporate apartments. I've switched jobs. I'm getting Lasik tomorrow. Going to Japan in a week. Going to Hawaii in 2 months with the GF. These are my first vacations since I got out of college (in this case, my new job has a use 'em or lose 'em policy).
Financially, none of it makes any sense. But then, I think a lot of us are searching for something more than just financial security...
What I was trying to say is that you shouldn't let "society" dictate what your post-college existence is all about.
I'm not talking about being a hippy or some crap like that, nor am I talking about becoming your existential inner Übermensch and living in the mountains of Sils Maria. There is a pragmatic middle ground where you can do what you need to do to get by, but without sacrificing what you want to do in life.
The only constraint you must realize is the financial constraint as you said (let's face it, most people don't want to be vagabonds).
You don't have to work against your will, though. Figure out what you love doing. Then figure out how you can make it pay and develop a business model around it. Live the authentic life as you only get one chance.
i was quite bummed out when i started in the professioanl world too (and still am, 4 years later). I have finally realized that my goal is to work so maybe shortly down the road I won't have to.
This idea of mine is not working too well so far.
This idea of mine is not working too well so far.
The difference here is that you're still attached to your gf.
If you two had broken up, then the things that you are doing now would indeed help...eventually.
If you two had broken up, then the things that you are doing now would indeed help...eventually.
That was one of the first thoughts I had...
... the problem is, unless you are making 200K+ a year, the business case for "working now so you don't have to work later" is rather depressing in terms of the number of years of penny pinching it takes to save up that amount of money =)
I railed against the corporate world too when I was 6 months out of college. Two years later I realize that I was just terrified that I would never again be the special little flower with limitless potential that everyone was made out to be when they were still in college.
Honestly, what's so bad about corporate life? Do you think you're going to work any less if you're doing it for yourself? Is it somehow more of an accomplishment? I take on challenging tasks on a daily basis as a "corporate drone". Is it somehow less meaningful that I overcome them because I don't own the business, or because I have to do it in business casual.
It sounds like you have a bruised ego. You thought you were special and now you're out in the real world and coming to realize that you're just like everyone else. So you bitch about your corporate job and your corporate friends like it's their fault when the problem is all yours.
Call me a cynic, but you're right in that people get married, mow lawns etc because keeping your self busy with inane shit you think is important is a great way to escape from from feeling listless and lost the way you (and these days, myself as well) do.
Then you have the sound bite folks who like to proclaim things like "life is what you make of it", "you have a choice" etc. They sound nice and all, but I'm willing to bet that none of the people that say things like that here have a life that is anything to boast of.
As someone in a situation similar to yours, I have no advice to offer. The routine of it all gets to me as well, and I sometimes feel like buying a bike, a tent and a sleeping bag, and going away and biking through the world for several years and other weird stuff like that. Of course, my brain then kicks in and reminds me that I should be working, saving, etc etc.
evident
Lifer
- Apr 5, 2005
- 12,152
- 774
- 126
This thread makes me feel alot better. OP, i'm exactly where you are in life. I'm 22 just graduated college and am working at a good company w/ good pay, and a cool gf that lives an hour away that i always have a good time with.
I think the realization that we need to earn a living is tough, but it's a reality and we need to make the best out of the situations we get. i'll post later when i get home from work,
but you're definitely not alone here bud
I think the realization that we need to earn a living is tough, but it's a reality and we need to make the best out of the situations we get. i'll post later when i get home from work,
but you're definitely not alone here bud
I'd love to move to some place cold, like Alaska, or move to a Beach (yea, I know, two opposites.) I'd love to live the bohemian lifestyle on a secluded beach with a small population.
But I'd also like to buy a house in the suburbs, have children and send them off to college, retire comfortably at 55-60.
I didnt go to school to travel the world without a career. I went to school to live the American dream; a big house in the suburbs, a wife and children, a dog, a luxury car and suv, and keeping up with the Jones'.
But I'd also like to buy a house in the suburbs, have children and send them off to college, retire comfortably at 55-60.
I didnt go to school to travel the world without a career. I went to school to live the American dream; a big house in the suburbs, a wife and children, a dog, a luxury car and suv, and keeping up with the Jones'.
It sounds like many people have changed this into an "I hate my job thread". That being said there is really only one mindset that makes most jobs tolerable:
Work is a means to an end. If you don't know what your end is, then you will never be happy with work.
That end might be retirement at 45, or so you can go on 2 vacations a year, or maybe to give your kids the life that you wish you were given. Maybe it's all of the above. The point is that if you are drifting throughout your life without goals, then you will never feel accomplished. We all must work, it's an unfortunate truth that no one can escape from. That being said, the reality of work is that it isn't what we want to do, but we know that we can't accomplish what we want without it.
Sit down, set out some goals; both short and long term. Start saving for retirement and get an idea of what you want that to look like and realize that you are creating a better life for your future and present by doing so.
Work is a means to an end. If you don't know what your end is, then you will never be happy with work.
That end might be retirement at 45, or so you can go on 2 vacations a year, or maybe to give your kids the life that you wish you were given. Maybe it's all of the above. The point is that if you are drifting throughout your life without goals, then you will never feel accomplished. We all must work, it's an unfortunate truth that no one can escape from. That being said, the reality of work is that it isn't what we want to do, but we know that we can't accomplish what we want without it.
Sit down, set out some goals; both short and long term. Start saving for retirement and get an idea of what you want that to look like and realize that you are creating a better life for your future and present by doing so.
Maybe I'm not reading the same posts as you are, but a lot of us are not saying we hate our jobs. In fact, it would almost seem like a lot of us really like our jobs, feel like we have great lives in general, but also feel like there's something missing. Again, maybe I'm reading different posts from you.
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