Something that might offend someone but I'm having no luck so far. Update: Added something offensive.

UltraQuiet

Banned
Sep 22, 2001
5,755
0
0
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
'F' word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and
a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe
this sh!t..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

UPDATE
Fausto insisted - PUMA (Possibly the Ugliest Man Alive)
 

hdeck

Lifer
Sep 26, 2002
14,530
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hahaha, people in the computer lab are now looking at my funny b/c i laughed out loud:eek:
 

MC

Platinum Member
Feb 23, 2000
2,747
0
0
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


i don't get it
 

Electric Amish

Elite Member
Oct 11, 1999
23,578
1
0
You can't try to offend people without this one:


Jesus walks into a hotel with a cross and some spikes and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"


amish
 
Jan 31, 2002
40,819
2
0
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
You can't try to offend people without this one:


Jesus walks into a hotel with a cross and some spikes and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"


amish

Keep trying. :p

- M4H
 

Red Dawn

Elite Member
Jun 4, 2001
57,529
3
0
Those are great. In fact I think I'll copy them and post them on another Forum and claim them as mine:)
 

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,528
3
76
Originally posted by: MC
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


i don't get it

Italians are known to "speak with their hands" i.e. wave arms and hands around a lot when speaking. I do.
 

Electric Amish

Elite Member
Oct 11, 1999
23,578
1
0
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
You can't try to offend people without this one:


Jesus walks into a hotel with a cross and some spikes and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"


amish

Keep trying. :p

- M4H


Ok...

A guy and a girl are lying in bed after having sex.
The girl turns to the guy and says, "I think you're a pedophile."
The guy looks at the girl and says, "My, that's an awfully big word for an 8-year-old."


amish :D
 

prodigy

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
14,822
1
0
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
You can't try to offend people without this one:


Jesus walks into a hotel with a cross and some spikes and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"


amish

Keep trying. :p

- M4H


Ok...

A guy and a girl are lying in bed after having sex.
The girl turns to the guy and says, "I think you're a pedophile."
The guy looks at the girl and says, "My, that's an awfully big word for an 8-year-old."


amish :D


LOL
 

Icy006

Member
Jan 28, 2003
142
0
76
Originally posted by: MC
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


i don't get it

Being Italian, I can assure you that this is true. Many Italians (hell, a lot of nationalities) tend to gesticulate A LOT (if you stand too close to one who is telling an engaging story, you might-a-get-a-whacked in the face!) :)
 

UNCjigga

Lifer
Dec 12, 2000
25,397
9,976
136
Originally posted by: MC
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


i don't get it
neither do I...can someone enlighten us?

 

Fausto

Elite Member
Nov 29, 2000
26,521
2
0
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
Originally posted by: MercenaryForHire
Originally posted by: Electric Amish
You can't try to offend people without this one:


Jesus walks into a hotel with a cross and some spikes and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"


amish

Keep trying. :p

- M4H


Ok...

A guy and a girl are lying in bed after having sex.
The girl turns to the guy and says, "I think you're a pedophile."
The guy looks at the girl and says, "My, that's an awfully big word for an 8-year-old."


amish :D
I posted that forever ago, you thieving bastard!

 

RossMAN

Grand Nagus
Feb 24, 2000
78,942
403
136
Nice pic, that doesn't offend me either.

Tell me that you paid retail on a hard drive, well that's another story :D