Some useful tips from the Mormons to you guys

[alkemyst]

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.

Guy who wrote that must be hung like a field mouse and just pissed.

 

[Vette73]

Originally posted by: dbk
Mormons don't jack it?

well duh... that why they have so many wives.

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Originally posted by: Rumpltzer

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If fapping is wrong, I don't want to be right!!!!!

Strange how "God" gave us these intense urges then forbade us to do something as simple as self gratify those urges. It feels great, is STD and pregnancy free, and relieves stress.

It's not God that gives us the urges, it's the Devil who leads us to temptation.


BTW, you're all going to burn in the fires of Eternal Damnation.

I, on the other hand, relieve out my sexual needs only through Japanese sex providers (or sometimes Koreans pretending to be Japanese). God loves me the most!

Uh oh. You know the Japanese have no souls, right? That's why we need Kenny to defeat the armies of hell with his golden PSP.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Thanks OP.

Sent to my GF to help her with this problem.

It should result in more sex for me. I will post the outcome.

 

[darkxshade]

The creator of that document would've easily solved the problem by providing a link to the bodybuilding forums thread about the girl who modeled for the car.

 

[PepePeru]

fantastic

 

[Beau]

I just think about spiders

 

[child of wonder]

Originally posted by: dbk
Mormons don't jack it?

My wife was raised Mormon (left the church years ago) and was raised not to masturbate. She still did it anyway.

 

[TehMac]

Originally posted by: manowar821
I don't take advice from religious doctrines or proponents of them. I would also never want to stop doing *that*.

That's all you'll get anyway.

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Originally posted by: TehMac

Originally posted by: manowar821
I don't take advice from religious doctrines or proponents of them. I would also never want to stop doing *that*.

That's all you'll get anyway.

Buuuuuurn!

 

[Juddog]

Originally posted by: SirStev0
For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

Then think about rubbing them on your *oh snaps I went there*.

 

[Martin]

But, but, but... I thought it was intolerant and elitist to make fun of people for their personal faith?!

 

[jonks]

Originally posted by: Jeff7
STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
Ask a friend instead.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
Everyone knows a circle jerk is more fun.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. But you can still share porn collections.

9. Pray.
Oh god, OH GOD OH GOD!!!

#78 - After peeing, shake it once that's fine. Shake it twice, that's ok. Shake it three times, and you're playing with yourself again.

 

[marvdmartian]

Originally posted by: ScottyB
"Never read about your problem." It's like the religion for retards. LOL

Here's what I loved reading:

When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.

Damn! I knew I had a problem with doing that!! :laugh:

 

[Rumpltzer]

Originally posted by: ConstipatedVigilante

Originally posted by: Rumpltzer

Originally posted by: child of wonder
If fapping is wrong, I don't want to be right!!!!!

Strange how "God" gave us these intense urges then forbade us to do something as simple as self gratify those urges. It feels great, is STD and pregnancy free, and relieves stress.

It's not God that gives us the urges, it's the Devil who leads us to temptation.


BTW, you're all going to burn in the fires of Eternal Damnation.

I, on the other hand, relieve out my sexual needs only through Japanese sex providers (or sometimes Koreans pretending to be Japanese). God loves me the most!

Uh oh. You know the Japanese have no souls, right? That's why we need Kenny to defeat the armies of hell with his golden PSP.

Well, of course they have no souls. That's why I'm in the clear with the big guy upstairs!

 

[DangerAardvark]

Originally posted by: marvdmartian

Originally posted by: ScottyB
"Never read about your problem." It's like the religion for retards. LOL

Here's what I loved reading:

When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.

Damn! I knew I had a problem with doing that!! :laugh:

Is it gay if you whack off while staring at your reflection in the mirror? What if you avoid eye contact?

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Originally posted by: DangerAardvark

Originally posted by: marvdmartian

Originally posted by: ScottyB
"Never read about your problem." It's like the religion for retards. LOL

Here's what I loved reading:

When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.

Damn! I knew I had a problem with doing that!! :laugh:

Is it gay if you whack off while staring at your reflection in the mirror? What if you avoid eye contact?

As long as your balls don't touch. Wait...