To all of you... don't read too much (or maybe read a lot) into this, I'm writing this after having been up since 11 yesterday morning, so I'm kind of tired.
I was thinking about it tonight, about my female friends and... how my relationships with them have changed and grown over the years. How, ones that I thought were fairly innocent ended up being very... very interesting. How others, where I thought I wanted this girl more than any other... where I "suffered" through being her friend, just to be near her... how those ended up being great times, and a learning experience. I've been through a lot of friendships with different women in my 18 years, and I will have many more. Some specific things I've learned, realized...
First... if you don't tell her, she won't know. It seems elementary, but a few times, I have latched on to a woman, spending all of my time with her, around her, talking to her...sending what I thought were hints... only to be rebuffed. Only later do I find out that she had no idea of my true intentions. Once, a friend of mine did confront me about my actions, and I was honest about my feelings... we talked about it, came to a mutual understanding, and moved on. Honesty, though tactful, is always the way to go.
Second... if you latch on to her, expecting to woo her over with your devotion...you won't. There is nothing healthy, mature women hate more than a guy who's needy. A lot of guys (including myself, in the past) say that women prefer the "jerks"... no, they prefer the men who have a spine, and who pay attention to their own needs, relationships and life. While devotion is good, it's not necessarily the first step. It comes in handy after the marriage is established, and you're building a life together... but if you're in Junior High, High School, College... (even after, I 'spose,
)... devotion isn't the most important characteristic. Strength, firmness, and confidence are.
Third... a friendship with a woman isn't a bad thing! This seems like such a horrible thing to many guys (to me, too, at a few points)... "Oh, dangit, I just got relegated to the friend zone...", as if it were a horrific place to be. And, yet, as I examine the last eight years of my life... some of my most rewarding friendships have been with women that I've gotten to know and stayed good friends with, throughout Junior High, High School and college. In jr. high, high school... friendships with the girls around you probably don't seem like that big of a deal. They are! Nothing has made me happier than to come back, after a year at college, to see those four or five lady friends and to get to share the changes in my life with them. It's worth it, in the long run. Don't throw away a friendship just because it's not what you want (a relationship) at the moment.
Fourth... don't generalize! Just because you get screwed over by a few mean women, doesn't give you excuse to stereotype all women. There are mean, ugly, nasty women out there... and there are mean, ugly nasty men as well. There are cold, calculating, manipulative women out there... and there are just as many men like that. There are also plenty of kind, intelligent, curious young women, just as there are as many guys.
Finally...and the most important, I think, probably the most important thing in most issues in a young person's life... be patient! Some things just take time to work themselves out. Some of you young men on here are going through awkward phases in life; you're uncertain about yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually... you're unsure about those girls you're getting to know, etc... give it time. Most of you guys, if there's any common link between the geeks in h.s. and college... you'll come out of it sooner or later. And the women notice. Oh... yes, they notice. They see all those traits that you see now (compassion, loyalty, devotion), but combined with intelligence, wit, and physical attractiveness, and earning potential P). You don't see it now... but you will. I've seen it in myself, and in other young men around me.
Women are strange creatures... but no stranger than men. You wonder why women always go to the bathroom in groups? They're doing the same things guys are doing here in OT (well, some) - they're asking for advice, checking out different guys... etc. We're more alike than I think most people ever realize. It always makes me laugh when my sister comes to me asking for advice about guys... because they're the exact same questions I ask her. Without fail. The same issues that we struggle with... the same things that irritate us. Sure, they express it in different ways, and they have their moody times of the month,. But we all want the same core things, at heart... acceptance, love, belonging... (yadda, )
That's all. Off to the gym.
I was thinking about it tonight, about my female friends and... how my relationships with them have changed and grown over the years. How, ones that I thought were fairly innocent ended up being very... very interesting. How others, where I thought I wanted this girl more than any other... where I "suffered" through being her friend, just to be near her... how those ended up being great times, and a learning experience. I've been through a lot of friendships with different women in my 18 years, and I will have many more. Some specific things I've learned, realized...
First... if you don't tell her, she won't know. It seems elementary, but a few times, I have latched on to a woman, spending all of my time with her, around her, talking to her...sending what I thought were hints... only to be rebuffed. Only later do I find out that she had no idea of my true intentions. Once, a friend of mine did confront me about my actions, and I was honest about my feelings... we talked about it, came to a mutual understanding, and moved on. Honesty, though tactful, is always the way to go.
Second... if you latch on to her, expecting to woo her over with your devotion...you won't. There is nothing healthy, mature women hate more than a guy who's needy. A lot of guys (including myself, in the past) say that women prefer the "jerks"... no, they prefer the men who have a spine, and who pay attention to their own needs, relationships and life. While devotion is good, it's not necessarily the first step. It comes in handy after the marriage is established, and you're building a life together... but if you're in Junior High, High School, College... (even after, I 'spose,
)... devotion isn't the most important characteristic. Strength, firmness, and confidence are.Third... a friendship with a woman isn't a bad thing! This seems like such a horrible thing to many guys (to me, too, at a few points)... "Oh, dangit, I just got relegated to the friend zone...", as if it were a horrific place to be. And, yet, as I examine the last eight years of my life... some of my most rewarding friendships have been with women that I've gotten to know and stayed good friends with, throughout Junior High, High School and college. In jr. high, high school... friendships with the girls around you probably don't seem like that big of a deal. They are! Nothing has made me happier than to come back, after a year at college, to see those four or five lady friends and to get to share the changes in my life with them. It's worth it, in the long run. Don't throw away a friendship just because it's not what you want (a relationship) at the moment.
Fourth... don't generalize! Just because you get screwed over by a few mean women, doesn't give you excuse to stereotype all women. There are mean, ugly, nasty women out there... and there are mean, ugly nasty men as well. There are cold, calculating, manipulative women out there... and there are just as many men like that. There are also plenty of kind, intelligent, curious young women, just as there are as many guys.
Finally...and the most important, I think, probably the most important thing in most issues in a young person's life... be patient! Some things just take time to work themselves out. Some of you young men on here are going through awkward phases in life; you're uncertain about yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually... you're unsure about those girls you're getting to know, etc... give it time. Most of you guys, if there's any common link between the geeks in h.s. and college... you'll come out of it sooner or later. And the women notice. Oh... yes, they notice.
They see all those traits that you see now (compassion, loyalty, devotion), but combined with intelligence, wit, and physical attractiveness, and earning potential P). You don't see it now... but you will. I've seen it in myself, and in other young men around me.Women are strange creatures... but no stranger than men. You wonder why women always go to the bathroom in groups? They're doing the same things guys are doing here in OT (well, some) - they're asking for advice, checking out different guys... etc. We're more alike than I think most people ever realize. It always makes me laugh when my sister comes to me asking for advice about guys... because they're the exact same questions I ask her. Without fail. The same issues that we struggle with... the same things that irritate us. Sure, they express it in different ways, and they have their moody times of the month,
. But we all want the same core things, at heart... acceptance, love, belonging... (yadda, )That's all.
Off to the gym.
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