Some marriage and divorce statistics.

[Miramonti]

n/m

 

[krylon]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Codewiz
Here is my advice.

make sure you see eye to eye exactly on these items:
Money/spending
# of children
How to raise children

And marrying any person that can't discuss issues rationally and make decisions on logical assessments will doom the married in my book.

Well, I guess we'll have to legalize gay marriage, because you just described all women.

(I kid)

I'm glad my SO is logical, more so than me probably.

:camera:

 

[Dumac]

Originally posted by: krylon

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Codewiz
Here is my advice.

make sure you see eye to eye exactly on these items:
Money/spending
# of children
How to raise children

And marrying any person that can't discuss issues rationally and make decisions on logical assessments will doom the married in my book.

Well, I guess we'll have to legalize gay marriage, because you just described all women.

(I kid)

I'm glad my SO is logical, more so than me probably.

:camera:

I would, but she is a vampire.

 

[meltdown75]

throw all the stats and shit out the window.

i concur with the "crapshoot" post.

edit: oh and happiness while dating doesn't mean shit. i dated my ex for 6 years. then we were married for 5.75 years or so (she left for good in April, July 5th would have been our 6th anny)... i used to scoff even at the IDEA of us splitting up.

it happened though.... goin through the mess right now. ugh

still, better to have loved and lost, and also... no one can take away the memories i cherish.

 

[Genx87]

I believe they call it the 7 year itch or something like that and for good reason. Looks like year 7 is a pivotal year in marriage.

 

[0roo0roo]

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.?

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
http://www.divorcerate.org/

 

[kami333]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: acheron
also note that "50% of marriages end in divorce" is not the same thing as "50% of people getting married get divorced". a lot of the 50% are second, third, nth marriages from people who have already divorced once.

(there are also racial, economic, education breakdowns -- college-educated people are much less likely to get divorced than those less-educated, etc.)

Really? Care to back that statement up?

link

Original paper

 

[Codewiz]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Codewiz
Here is my advice.

make sure you see eye to eye exactly on these items:
Money/spending
# of children
How to raise children

And marrying any person that can't discuss issues rationally and make decisions on logical assessments will doom the married in my book.

Well, I guess we'll have to legalize gay marriage, because you just described all women.

(I kid)

I'm glad my SO is logical, more so than me probably.

My wife has a masters degree in chemistry so she is very scientific. Basically she will get emotional but once she calms down, we can discuss things in a logical fashion.

 

[oiprocs]

Originally posted by: Codewiz

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Codewiz
Here is my advice.

make sure you see eye to eye exactly on these items:
Money/spending
# of children
How to raise children

And marrying any person that can't discuss issues rationally and make decisions on logical assessments will doom the married in my book.

Well, I guess we'll have to legalize gay marriage, because you just described all women.

(I kid)

I'm glad my SO is logical, more so than me probably.

My wife has a masters degree in chemistry so she is very scientific. Basically she will get emotional but once she calms down, we can discuss things in a logical fashion.

So she mixes a potion, injects, and then she's ready to discuss?

 

[Locut0s]

I have an "Aunt" and Uncle who have been official partners for something like 15+ years. They live together, own a house together, go on vacations together, plan their retirement together, for all intents and purposes they are married accept under the law. Because of this they manage their finances somewhat separately. I know for a fact that they have no intention of ever getting married. Have you thought of simply living together as partners? I'm not saying that this will ensure a longer lasting relationship, it's just an option not many think about. And one that possibly carries slightly less emotional baggage to begin with.

Edit: Shit didn't read the thread. Disregard.

 

[waffleironhead]

Well, that number is kinda scary, but I think that I am going to raise the average. We met in 1996 were married in 2002.

 

[acheron]

Originally posted by: kami333

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: acheron
also note that "50% of marriages end in divorce" is not the same thing as "50% of people getting married get divorced". a lot of the 50% are second, third, nth marriages from people who have already divorced once.

(there are also racial, economic, education breakdowns -- college-educated people are much less likely to get divorced than those less-educated, etc.)

Really? Care to back that statement up?

link

Original paper

thanks. I don't think that's exactly the same thing I read about, but it seems to be the same conclusion.

 

[XZeroII]

I remember years ago hearing that the number one cause of divorce was money. I could be wrong on this, but it makes sense. I also tend to believe that alcohol plays a factor as well, but I have no proof of that.

I did read somewhere recently that there has been a HUGE drop in divorce rates since the recession. Go figure.

 

[nutxo]

My wife and I are goin on 17 years and I still can't remember out anniversary....

My kids always remind me.

 

[chusteczka]

Originally posted by: Genx87
I believe they call it the 7 year itch or something like that and for good reason. Looks like year 7 is a pivotal year in marriage.

Issues build up before the 7th year. Here is how it happened with me.

Year 0: Married with the expectation that certain issues would be solved and go away.

Year 3: Gave up trying to please her after she showed me that she was not worth the effort anymore.

Year 4-7: Marriage became progressively worse to the point my life was being torn apart.

Year 7-8: Left marriage.

Year 9: Received divorce.

 

[arcenite]

Originally posted by: chusteczka

Originally posted by: Genx87
I believe they call it the 7 year itch or something like that and for good reason. Looks like year 7 is a pivotal year in marriage.

Issues build up before the 7th year. Here is how it happened with me.

Year 0: Married with the expectation that certain issues would be solved and go away.

Year 3: Gave up trying to please her after she showed me that she was not worth the effort anymore.

Year 4-7: Marriage became progressively worse to the point my life was being torn apart.

Year 7-8: Left marriage.

Year 9: Received divorce.

How long were you with her before you got married? What kind of issues?

æ

 

[Kaido]

Originally posted by: Codewiz
Here is my advice.

make sure you see eye to eye exactly on these items:
Money/spending
# of children
How to raise children

And marrying any person that can't discuss issues rationally and make decisions on logical assessments will doom the married in my book.

Money has to be #1 though, definitely. It's such a huge cause of stress in a marriage. I'd also add Religion in there. I know a lot of couples who have problems over religion - either one is religious and the other isn't, or both have different religions. It's not the case for everyone, but it seems to be a pretty big issue. And one other super-obvious one that most people don't think about - you need to have stuff in common. I know a number of couples who got married for various reasons, like they were physically attracted to each other, and that was the main reason. Then after spending a lot of time together, they discovered they had nothing in common.

And while I'm on the subject, another good one is change. I don't see this so much in guys, but a lot of girls I know who get married go in with the expection of her husband eventually changing. #1 rule of the universe is YOU CAN'T CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE! You can almost always spot see the marriages like this instantly, because one partner is constantly nitpicking the other or complaining to you about something their partner did, ALL the time. Accept them as they are, or don't - never, ever, EVER expect change! So here's an updated list for a successful marriage:

1. Agree on a Financial "blueprint" - budget, how you communicate about spending, etc.
2. Have Stuff in Common
3. Agree on Children - having them, and if so how many & how to raise them
4. No expectation to change the other person - they are who they are, take it or leave it
5. Religion - yes or no, different types, family/events

I'm sure there's plenty more, but those are the five main ones I see - money, commonality, kids, change, and religion. You either see the couples fighting or silently fuming about this, and it just ends up tearing the marriage apart. "Love is all you need" is the biggest bunch of BS on the planet imo - you need to figure these things out before you get married so that you're not freaking out a few years down the road about the major issues here. Some people pull it off, others don't. Pays to be prepared before you get into it! I should note, I've been happily married for going on 5 years now

 

[Ackmed]

Originally posted by: akshatp
Just because you have been dating for 10 years doesnt put you any more into the "stay together" category than the next couple. Two cousins of mine married their respective HS sweethearts who they dated for 8+ years each, and both got divorced last year. One was married for 10 years (18 total years in the relationship), the other for 4 (14 total years in the relationship)

Shit happens dude, prior history has nothing to do with divorce.

And on the flip side, my wife and I only knew each other 11 months before being married. And have been together almost as long as both of those stats put together (15 years next May). Zero problems, we dont fight, have two kids, get along fantastically. Yes, thats a word too.