Mr Pickles
Diamond Member
So I?m doing my best to haul ass home because I have this whopping shit that I need to take after this huge Spicy Baconator and Chili that ate at Wendy?s. I?m trying to hurry because I can feel that I?m about to assplode.
I finally get to the lobby in my place and, just my freaking luck, one elevator is down for maintenance. I see that the elevator is about to fill up and because of my back surgery I needed after jumping in front of a bus to save this little kid near the park my doctor told me that it would be best to not use stairs or do anything physically strenuous for a while. So I do my best to get on as fast as I can because I knew it was that or I just crap myself right there.
Unfortunately I nudged into Amelia, this nice older woman that I always help with groceries on Thursdays. Also, sometimes she needs help watering her plants on the balcony because some are hung too high. She makes me cookies, she?s really swell. She had enough room to get on, I knew her so my ?personal bubble? wouldn?t have been affected. Right when I was going to reach out and stop the elevator for her this ass hole from behind me knocks me out of the way, gets off the elevator, and heads for the stairs. Well, this definitely gave Amelia plenty of space. So she gets on and I apologize and tell her I really need to use ?the bathroom?. I made it sound like I needed to pee because it would be a little embarrassing to mention that I really needed to crap right then and there. She was totally OK with it and we made plans to water her plants later on the way to my floor.
As I get off the elevator on my floor this freak ass hole stalker is there! He was sweaty and gross and it looked like he had to kill 5 people in the stairwell just to make it up two whole flights of stairs. As he?s catching his breath he mumbles something like ?20 steps too hard on you chief?" and I?m thinking to myself ?no but they looked really hard for you??
He gets on the elevator with this ?I think I?m a bad ass but I?m breathing heavily and need my inhaler right now? look. I don?t like confrontation. Anyway, I look back at Amelia and she smiles as if to confirm our watering plant date and start to walk to my apartment. I was concerned about that ass hole that just got on but then realized I got the last laugh knowing that I just ripped major major major ass in the elevator and he was going to have to ride up a few flights while my vapory stink wafts around him.
Cliff?s
Really have to crap. Get on elevator.
Some ass hole hits me from behind and starts for the stairs.
I talk with my best friend Amelia and make plans to help water her plants.
Elevator opens and creep ass hole stalker guy is there talking shit panting hes so tired.
I get last laugh when he gets on because I damn near sharted in there it stunk so bad.
I finally get to the lobby in my place and, just my freaking luck, one elevator is down for maintenance. I see that the elevator is about to fill up and because of my back surgery I needed after jumping in front of a bus to save this little kid near the park my doctor told me that it would be best to not use stairs or do anything physically strenuous for a while. So I do my best to get on as fast as I can because I knew it was that or I just crap myself right there.
Unfortunately I nudged into Amelia, this nice older woman that I always help with groceries on Thursdays. Also, sometimes she needs help watering her plants on the balcony because some are hung too high. She makes me cookies, she?s really swell. She had enough room to get on, I knew her so my ?personal bubble? wouldn?t have been affected. Right when I was going to reach out and stop the elevator for her this ass hole from behind me knocks me out of the way, gets off the elevator, and heads for the stairs. Well, this definitely gave Amelia plenty of space. So she gets on and I apologize and tell her I really need to use ?the bathroom?. I made it sound like I needed to pee because it would be a little embarrassing to mention that I really needed to crap right then and there. She was totally OK with it and we made plans to water her plants later on the way to my floor.
As I get off the elevator on my floor this freak ass hole stalker is there! He was sweaty and gross and it looked like he had to kill 5 people in the stairwell just to make it up two whole flights of stairs. As he?s catching his breath he mumbles something like ?20 steps too hard on you chief?" and I?m thinking to myself ?no but they looked really hard for you??
He gets on the elevator with this ?I think I?m a bad ass but I?m breathing heavily and need my inhaler right now? look. I don?t like confrontation. Anyway, I look back at Amelia and she smiles as if to confirm our watering plant date and start to walk to my apartment. I was concerned about that ass hole that just got on but then realized I got the last laugh knowing that I just ripped major major major ass in the elevator and he was going to have to ride up a few flights while my vapory stink wafts around him.
Cliff?s
Really have to crap. Get on elevator.
Some ass hole hits me from behind and starts for the stairs.
I talk with my best friend Amelia and make plans to help water her plants.
Elevator opens and creep ass hole stalker guy is there talking shit panting hes so tired.
I get last laugh when he gets on because I damn near sharted in there it stunk so bad.
