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So my ex girlfriend might be pregnant... tested positive.... *please help* (pg.2)

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Uberdave,

I think you have a great heart, but also I think part of you feels bad for her b/c of the situation she's in. You might be subconciously blaming yourself for her situation, maybe thinking, if I didn't dump her, she wouldn't be in this situation. So now you're doing everything you can to get her out of the situation that you think you've created for her. Here's the think dave, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. I repeat, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. She was an adult, she had sex with another guy, and now she's pregnant. This is your ex girlfriend that you dumped, and you dumped her for a reason. Obviously she hasn't changed. Stop blaming yourself for this (even though you're not saying it, I somehow feel that you do.) you're OVERLY nice to her. I read your post and thought I'd do the same thing as you, and I thought it was great, but take a step back and look at the big picture. You're getting yourself in a bad situation here, if you can't convince her to adopt, then thats something that she has to deal with. Someone said earlier, be a friend, support her, but dont cross the line, I totally agree with that.
 
Originally posted by: UberDave
Happy are those who reject the advice of evil people, who do not follow the example of sinners or join those who have no use for God." - Pslam 1:1


Evil people = atot. I feel like I am sinning by not welcoming this child into a place of warmth. :shrug:


no flames. I use teh fire extinguisher on ur a$$
Click to expand...

On second thought, you guys may deserve each other. You ask people for their opinions but when the opinions arent to your liking you call them evil. Good luck with that man, you'll need it...

FreAk😀
 
ah dave....what a tangled mess you are in, and a mess of your own making.

There's several ways of looking at it:

First:
What would happen if the roles were reversed? This will probably be kind of hard considering the difficulty in getting you pregnant, so I'll skip this one.

Second:
What happens if you throw caution out the window and proceed as you have proposed. You will put off your college education for a year. Not half a year -- but a year. When you do go back to school, you will not be rested, having worked your adz off all year. You will be impoverished and have had a falling out with your parentals. You will have lost whatever study habits that survived senioritis you would have had and will have to recondition yourself for college life.
On her end, she is not exactly sitting pretty either. She has to care for a child during its first year of life. Considering her emotional state, to care for it well will not be easy and could be impossible for her. The child will, more likely than not, be ill-cared for, even if you and her put all your effort into raising it that first year for the simple reason that it has not health insurance and will have those delivery charges hanging over it. on top of that, I'm sure you are aware of how taxing a 12-16 hour work shift is. But do you realize just how hard it is to do it day in and day out while watching your money NOT go into a savings acct, but into expenses? it is severely taxing both physically and psychologically. It takes great integrity, patience, and stamina to do it, and even then, I highly doubt anyone would be a very nice person in the meantime.

Third:
What happens if you let her handle the issue:
Possible suicide
More likely than not, poorly raised/dead child
vast amounts of debt for her

My point?
I understand how this is an issue for you. I'd hate for my friends to be in trouble too and I always try to help them when I can. But you're going to have to find a comprimise between inaction and over-action. I recommend that you arrange meeting times with her regularly. Give her some routine to give her some stability without infringing on your own timetable. Maybe set up lunch for the two of you on a weekly basis or something. Also, maybe try and get her to therapy. But first and foremost above all else, MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE GETTING YOUR STUFF DONE!!! Don't tell yourself,"Well, she's had a hard time..blah blah blah". In YOUR life...YOU have to come first and YOU have to think about YOU. Otherwise, you will never be able to truly help anyone else because you simply won't have the personal, mental,and physical resources to do so.

Edit: About these grasshopper points...are they redeemable for cash and/or prizes? 🙂
 
Maybe you should have her and maybe you too go to a doctor or someone that can explain abortions or what not, cause if its ealry she could take an estrogen pill i believe and it will give her a period along with the embryo, but maybe talked to a councler or something theres plenty of them out there, get phamplets from them to help
 
I saw this thread earlier but it kind of got lost while I was doing other things.

I UberDave, I commend you for even considering such a noble act. There aren't too many people who would even bother with people like your ex.

I'm also glad to hear that you are staying out of it.

So just to reinforce your correct decision think about this:

You have a roommate. If your ex moved in, how long could he put up with someone he didn't originally expect?

What would happen if he moved out?

What if in one stupidly irrational moment, you decide to have nookie with her? What then?

Have you taken care of a baby before? I have two. It is a full time job.

Could you bear to kick someone out in an even more desperate situation than when she came in?

What happens to your life while she is in with you? Do you put everything on hold? What happens if you meet someone you really really like? How do you deal with them both?

How do you explain to a future employer the reason you took 5 yrs+ to graduate college or why you dropped out?

You get the point. I could go on and on.

I hope you stick with your decision. There are many wonderful women to meet out there. You shouldn't stick with one out of sympathy and get yourself into a terrible situation.

Good luck.
 
lotsa comments....hard decision...but i think i'd won't help...i'll help to some extent, but nothing to affect my future in any way......u'll regret it...


nice guys finish last... 🙁
 
Originally posted by: UberDaveShe is bipolar 🙁... it gets to her sometimes, esp now. So suicide is always an option inside her.
I would lay down rules with her. She either lives by them or she's out. Simple. However, i do see adoption for grabs. I don't belive in welfare just yet. <grits teeth also>

edit: btw- I can get her daycare for free like I said. Good people that i work with.
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My cousin was bi-polar, he shot himself last year after Christmas. Get her to seek help, Dr. or whatever.

 
It's her problem. You can't save everyone. Let me see, she is against abortion, but killing herself and the kid is OK?
I don't know what to tell ya, but forget about her. She made her choices, now she has to pay for them.
You can't allow people to manipulate you by threatening suicide. That's not a normal relationship.
 
Originally posted by: motoamd
Originally posted by: UberDaveShe is bipolar 🙁... it gets to her sometimes, esp now. So suicide is always an option inside her.
I would lay down rules with her. She either lives by them or she's out. Simple. However, i do see adoption for grabs. I don't belive in welfare just yet. <grits teeth also>

edit: btw- I can get her daycare for free like I said. Good people that i work with.
Click to expand...


My cousin was bi-polar, he shot himself last year after Christmas. Get her to seek help, Dr. or whatever.
Click to expand...




🙁 🙁 i'm sorry.
 
Originally posted by: SuperTool
It's her problem. You can't save everyone. Let me see, she is against abortion, but killing herself and the kid is OK?
I don't know what to tell ya, but forget about her. She made her choices, now she has to pay for them.
You can't allow people to manipulate you by threatening suicide. That's not a normal relationship.
Click to expand...

 
I have read most but do you really think that it will be only one year. others probably have brought up the point but once you "leave" after that year ? I htink your going to get sucked into longterm things. Besides putting off school for a year turns in to 2 years which turns to 3 then you kinda forget about it totally. Put the baby up for adoption.
 
Originally posted by: UberDave
... by some other guy.



I was smart and took some of your advice to leave her but she's in a tight spot here. I need the "all wise" directional reasoning from ATOT. The guy is out of the picture- non speaking terms with her, she wants nothing to do with him. Some loser I guess (but that doesn't say much about her). She finds out for sure on friday, and if it turns out to be true life is going to take a 180 degree turn. Her dad that she lives with will kick her out for sure (fvcked up family- her sister is / was 15 with 2 kids and lives with some guy), and she knows no one. No real friends or anything and no family. Her mom lives behind a bar and is a alcoholic / drug addict with no money.

I don't want this kid to grow up on the streets with her, if that. She is seriously considering suicide (not joking or messing around) I told her that her best bet was adoption but she wants nothing of the sort. She's against abortion 100% and I support that also.

However- while she was crying I was sitting here and thinking.... She doesn't want me to do this for her (too generous) but I was thinking about taking up 2 catering jobs (best paying for my age) and work basicly 24/7 and get a apartment around here for us just so the kid can almost live a normal life. For a year or so. She can work at the club I belong to- to get some money and there's a daycare center that can watch over the kid while she works helping pay the rent.

PRO:
-kid lives
-she lives
-can live someone decently
-basicly have a family and be somewhat happy.

CON:
-work my a$$ off
-parents would disown me even though I would be helping someone through the toughest time of their life
-put off college for 1 semester for rent money



What do you guys think.... am I going to far on a branch? We both feel for each other still....

Help.


EDIT: She just messaged me telling me she took a test and it was POSITIVE....they said it may be because of stress, so she is taking another friday 🙁
Click to expand...


How old are you?
 
Originally posted by: Dr Smooth
Originally posted by: UberDave
... by some other guy.



I was smart and took some of your advice to leave her but she's in a tight spot here. I need the "all wise" directional reasoning from ATOT. The guy is out of the picture- non speaking terms with her, she wants nothing to do with him. Some loser I guess (but that doesn't say much about her). She finds out for sure on friday, and if it turns out to be true life is going to take a 180 degree turn. Her dad that she lives with will kick her out for sure (fvcked up family- her sister is / was 15 with 2 kids and lives with some guy), and she knows no one. No real friends or anything and no family. Her mom lives behind a bar and is a alcoholic / drug addict with no money.

I don't want this kid to grow up on the streets with her, if that. She is seriously considering suicide (not joking or messing around) I told her that her best bet was adoption but she wants nothing of the sort. She's against abortion 100% and I support that also.

However- while she was crying I was sitting here and thinking.... She doesn't want me to do this for her (too generous) but I was thinking about taking up 2 catering jobs (best paying for my age) and work basicly 24/7 and get a apartment around here for us just so the kid can almost live a normal life. For a year or so. She can work at the club I belong to- to get some money and there's a daycare center that can watch over the kid while she works helping pay the rent.

PRO:
-kid lives
-she lives
-can live someone decently
-basicly have a family and be somewhat happy.

CON:
-work my a$$ off
-parents would disown me even though I would be helping someone through the toughest time of their life
-put off college for 1 semester for rent money



What do you guys think.... am I going to far on a branch? We both feel for each other still....

Help.


EDIT: She just messaged me telling me she took a test and it was POSITIVE....they said it may be because of stress, so she is taking another friday 🙁
Click to expand...


How old are you?
Click to expand...

jesus talk about resurrecting an old dead thread
 
Originally posted by: dabuddha
Originally posted by: Dr Smooth
Originally posted by: UberDave
... by some other guy.



I was smart and took some of your advice to leave her but she's in a tight spot here. I need the "all wise" directional reasoning from ATOT. The guy is out of the picture- non speaking terms with her, she wants nothing to do with him. Some loser I guess (but that doesn't say much about her). She finds out for sure on friday, and if it turns out to be true life is going to take a 180 degree turn. Her dad that she lives with will kick her out for sure (fvcked up family- her sister is / was 15 with 2 kids and lives with some guy), and she knows no one. No real friends or anything and no family. Her mom lives behind a bar and is a alcoholic / drug addict with no money.

I don't want this kid to grow up on the streets with her, if that. She is seriously considering suicide (not joking or messing around) I told her that her best bet was adoption but she wants nothing of the sort. She's against abortion 100% and I support that also.

However- while she was crying I was sitting here and thinking.... She doesn't want me to do this for her (too generous) but I was thinking about taking up 2 catering jobs (best paying for my age) and work basicly 24/7 and get a apartment around here for us just so the kid can almost live a normal life. For a year or so. She can work at the club I belong to- to get some money and there's a daycare center that can watch over the kid while she works helping pay the rent.

PRO:
-kid lives
-she lives
-can live someone decently
-basicly have a family and be somewhat happy.

CON:
-work my a$$ off
-parents would disown me even though I would be helping someone through the toughest time of their life
-put off college for 1 semester for rent money



What do you guys think.... am I going to far on a branch? We both feel for each other still....

Help.


EDIT: She just messaged me telling me she took a test and it was POSITIVE....they said it may be because of stress, so she is taking another friday 🙁
Click to expand...


How old are you?
Click to expand...

jesus talk about resurrecting an old dead thread
Click to expand...

I was thinking the same thing. I wonder what happened...
 
The community speaks, and its advice is wise.

Also, it is highly suggested that she get some psychiatric counseling - being bipolar is not easy, and when it comes to their own lives suicidal people are never logical.

Keep us updated!
 
OK I got some things to say on this. I was adopted by the parents that now have raised me in my 22 years of life and after talking about what my birthmother was like and finding out the situation im glad I was adopted. There are some good people out there who want a chance for a baby and cannot get one for whatever reason. I also raised a child its first year of birth with an ex. It was not where I wanted to be at 16 when the kid wasnt even mine. Trust me it may seem like it can be bad but it can be. The kid isnt yours and should not be your problem. I say talk her into adaption and go that route then go from there. Dont ruin your life because she ruined hers. If you wanna ask any questions go ahead and pm me if I dont see them on here I am at work and may not be able to answer the post.
I was adopted and Im really glad I was. I have the coolest dad in the world. My mom is another story but she wigged out when I was 18 so before then she was a great mother as well. Trust me UberDave look at all the options here.
 
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