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So my ex girlfriend might be pregnant... tested positive.... *please help* (pg.2)
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thawolfman
Lifer
Good call Dave, you did what you could and tried to help.
If she doesn't wanna accept your advice/help then there really isn't anything that you can do.
Dave...yet another opinion here...
This is a really tight situation. I do commend you for being such a noble person. I honestly couldn't see it in my heart to throw my ex into the street with a newborn. I don't talk to her, but that's inhumane (to throw her out on her own). Regardless if whether she would do anything for herself or not is irrelavent. Could YOU do anything? And could you live with yourself knowing you didn't try if you could. I think someone of us has to look at ourselves morally as well. Granted, i'm not saying put all your worldly possession aside and martyr yourself to this girl, but I'm certain there's a lot that could be done without significantly putting yourself on the line. I strongly suggest helping her out as best as you can, but research the options. Be the best friend you can be to her...in the long run, she will appreciate you for it.
What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.
And to some of the members cursing and getting upset at Dave's responses and decisions, I think you could better express yourself without showing anger toward him. This is his life and he'll live it as he wants. He wanted your opinion, you gave it. Nothing else was necessary. Don't make people feel stupid about wanted to ask for advice. Even is their decision isn't what you would do, you've no right to talk down to him. (Not talking to anyone in particular, just saying in general.) Let's be a little more civil.
This is a really tight situation. I do commend you for being such a noble person. I honestly couldn't see it in my heart to throw my ex into the street with a newborn. I don't talk to her, but that's inhumane (to throw her out on her own). Regardless if whether she would do anything for herself or not is irrelavent. Could YOU do anything? And could you live with yourself knowing you didn't try if you could. I think someone of us has to look at ourselves morally as well. Granted, i'm not saying put all your worldly possession aside and martyr yourself to this girl, but I'm certain there's a lot that could be done without significantly putting yourself on the line. I strongly suggest helping her out as best as you can, but research the options. Be the best friend you can be to her...in the long run, she will appreciate you for it.
What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.
And to some of the members cursing and getting upset at Dave's responses and decisions, I think you could better express yourself without showing anger toward him. This is his life and he'll live it as he wants. He wanted your opinion, you gave it. Nothing else was necessary. Don't make people feel stupid about wanted to ask for advice. Even is their decision isn't what you would do, you've no right to talk down to him. (Not talking to anyone in particular, just saying in general.) Let's be a little more civil.
bolido2000
Diamond Member
I think you will ruin your life for a pretty long time. Why would she find someone else when you are caring and take care of her? The only way for you to make sure this kid has a "normal" life is that you take care of them for a looong time.
As harsh as it sounds the kid has to go adoption. You will ruin your life and might not be able to go to college.
bolido2000
Diamond Member
EDIT: I didn't read all the posts. It seems that you fvck her off.
pandapanda
Member
Ok...realistic situation that (depending on how well-controlled her bi-polar is) could work.
First, she is pregnant. Stress doesn't magically make pregnancy tests positive. The chances are virtually zero that a positive pregnancy test is wrong.
Ok. If she doesn't work or is very low income, she will qualify for WIC. Pregnant moms qualify. That will provide her with stuff like Milk, cheese, and eggs. After the baby is born WIC supplies formula for bottle-fed babies, and stuff like milk, cheese, and eggs for breastfeeding moms.
She goes out and get a job at a daycare center that provided free childcare for employees. Yes, there are centers like that. Church based centers tend to be more likely to provide this as a benefit.
Daycare is extremely lowpaying. She may be able to qualify for other benefits like AFDC, Medicare, etc. And Bozo the dad will have to pay child support.
It is doable for her on her own--with child support. Easy? No. Kids aren't easy when they are planned, much less when they are "accidents".
IF she plans to keep this child, keep out of it. You are looking at a world of hurt both emotionally and financially for yourself, and you would be forming a bond with an infant that you would be planning to kick out on it's first birthday. Ugly. Give her some help. Support her. Show her the way to the WIC office. But do not fianancially or emotionally obligate yourself.
Panda
First, she is pregnant. Stress doesn't magically make pregnancy tests positive. The chances are virtually zero that a positive pregnancy test is wrong.
Ok. If she doesn't work or is very low income, she will qualify for WIC. Pregnant moms qualify. That will provide her with stuff like Milk, cheese, and eggs. After the baby is born WIC supplies formula for bottle-fed babies, and stuff like milk, cheese, and eggs for breastfeeding moms.
She goes out and get a job at a daycare center that provided free childcare for employees. Yes, there are centers like that. Church based centers tend to be more likely to provide this as a benefit.
Daycare is extremely lowpaying. She may be able to qualify for other benefits like AFDC, Medicare, etc. And Bozo the dad will have to pay child support.
It is doable for her on her own--with child support. Easy? No. Kids aren't easy when they are planned, much less when they are "accidents".
IF she plans to keep this child, keep out of it. You are looking at a world of hurt both emotionally and financially for yourself, and you would be forming a bond with an infant that you would be planning to kick out on it's first birthday. Ugly. Give her some help. Support her. Show her the way to the WIC office. But do not fianancially or emotionally obligate yourself.
Panda
Let me tell you something. If you take on this burden, your life is finished. You're done. You'll most likely end up another poor-ass American with a crappy job, a family to support and no money. Her kid is not your responsibility, and isn't worth ruining your life. I understand where you're coming from completely - i'm a kind person and i too would want to help her even though the kid isn't mine. And i would if i could, but if helping her ment ruining my life, i wouldn't do it. There are plenty of single mothers out there who take care of themselves. If she doesn't want in abortion, let her go down that route. Help her out along the way if you want, but don't take her on as your responsibility. That's the best advice you'll get. Good luck.
Update: Oh and don't kid yourself about the 1-2 year thing. If you do this, you're in it for life. Mark my words.
Update: Oh and don't kid yourself about the 1-2 year thing. If you do this, you're in it for life. Mark my words.
It is not your responsibility to bail her out. You can help her by seeking advice & maybe a one-time cash if she is desperate. She will take advantage of you if you let her, and put all of her & anger/resentment on you because you are so good at taking it.
It is sad, but tough love is the best that you can do for her.
Be a man and think with the head on your shoulder, in stead of your dick.
Ps. Call a family counselor & ask for the best course of action that she and you can do in this situation.
pillage2001
Lifer
Think with the big head and not the one down there d00d. Do you know what is going to happen if you bring her in?? I jsut read all the posts and they'll all asking you to BAIL OUT. BAIL OUT NOW. She's on crack and talking like a irrational woman. BAIL OUT.
Ciber
Platinum Member
I would not give her the time of day just for being stupid enough to get pregnant and by someone who she knew was unreliable and irresponsible. I have no pity for stupid people like this. It is HER responsibility to protect herself, a woman should NEVER rely on the man unless she knows him explicitly and are in a long term relationship with plenty of trust between the two.
You're a nice guy for even considering HER problem... not a lot of people would stick out for this... but with the way you sound like you might as well be the father of this baby. Her best bet is adoption... as sad as it is... it's a lot better than abortion. Even if you ended up helping them out for a year or so... i seriously doubt the chances that they'll stop depending on you after that.
vidgamefan
Banned
Sorry to sound harsh, but if those were her actual remarks, I'd cut all relations with her immediately, and notify the proper authorities so she's on suicide watch.
She need professional counseling immediately; something you can't provide her.
She need professional counseling immediately; something you can't provide her.
I been there. I cant tell you what to do. But you have to search your heart for a few things. One you have better make sure you truly love this gal. Two you better make sure you can handle the fact she is and will be walking around with someone else's baby. I dont know how old you are. I was 18. When we met we hit it off right away. But low and behold a month later she realized she was pregnant. Man I really loved this girl. I was on the outs with my parents who just flipped over this. Well to make a long story short I left her when she was about 6 1/2 months pregnant. The pressure became very great. There was conflicts with the guy who got her pregnant. Man it was a mess. Now looking back I made the right decision. Guy you better know what your doing. Good luck. This is one of times I hope you believe in Jesus. Cause you gonna need something to put your faith in. What your talking about doing is very very serious. And make no mistake about it. It will affect your life for as long as you live. Get counsel from parents and family.
Pliablemoose
Lifer
If you hook up with this girl & try the family thing:
Don't allow your name to be put on the birth certificate as the father or pretend to be the kids genetic father or I'll find you & kick your ass...
Don't allow your name to be put on the birth certificate as the father or pretend to be the kids genetic father or I'll find you & kick your ass...
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