So I think I have a roommate problem. I've 'adopted' a third 'housemate'.

[CPA]

Jeebus Christ this is simple: Threesome.

 

[alkemyst]

man up or be the bitch.

 

[TallBill]

I don't see why you can't walk around in your boxers.

 

[thegimp03]

If it's bothering you so much, either talk to him, move out, or find ways to make it uncomfortable for her to be there. Seems like right now she's too comfortable being around your place, change a few things and I bet your roommate will be spending more time over at her place.

 

[TheNinja]

I can see where this would annoy the OP. So basically this roommate has a girlfriend that he likes to basically live with, but he/she don't want to pay rent to stay together. The girl lives at home and apparently her parents don't care if she stays out night after night so what's to prompt her to move out and pay rent/utils/food/etc.

I think the OP just needs to talk to the roommate sometime and say, "hey, I understand you like to have your girlfriend around and that's cool sometimes. however I feel like I have to tiptoe around my own home sometimes when she is here. can you guys hang out anywhere else, or at least hang in your own room more?"

However he is probably not going to change and neither is she. It's kind of a no win for you unless they respect your wishes more.

 

[simonizor]

Um, no... Roommates have to respect one another. You should go out of your way to make sure you are not stepping on someones toes. His roommate should be asking: Is it cool with you if my girl spends the night a few times a week? Is it ok if I give the key out to one of my buddies?

When I lived with someone, I had guns, computers, etc in my room. My roommate and owner of the house decided to rent out to a known drug addict and thief. He should have asked me if it was ok. It was not. I would never live with a known thief and drug addict, especially when I had guns in my room. Not ok in my book.

I moved out because of it. A month later he calls me asking me to move back because the guy never paid him rent. I'm like "No shit, why did you have him move in to begin with? You alienated your paying customer with a dirt bag, and got left with nothing but trouble."

Granted OP can leave if he doesn't like it... And probably should, but to say that it's ok for this guy to do whatever, it is not... I don't care if he owns the house or not... There is just things you have to respect when you have living arrangements. The first, is making sure everybody is ok with a change in the situation (having this girl over every night). Sure, its ok to have your girlfriend over, but not move in unofficially.

Um, no. If you've been living in a place, you invite someone else to be your roommate, you've been going out with someone for 3 years prior to that, they can come over whenever the hell you want them to. Got a problem with it? Tough fucking deal.

 

[nageov3t]

the OP's arrangement sounds more like he's renting a room from a friend than roommates.

 

[BoomerD]

Everyone seems to be missing the obvious...

The OP is jealous of the girlfriend. He wants the roommate all to himself.

Whether it's a gay mancrush or whether he's just one of those unfortunate people who don't know how to "share friends" remains to be determined.

 

[M0oG0oGaiPan]

I can see where this would annoy the OP. So basically this roommate has a girlfriend that he likes to basically live with, but he/she don't want to pay rent to stay together. The girl lives at home and apparently her parents don't care if she stays out night after night so what's to prompt her to move out and pay rent/utils/food/etc.

I think the OP just needs to talk to the roommate sometime and say, "hey, I understand you like to have your girlfriend around and that's cool sometimes. however I feel like I have to tiptoe around my own home sometimes when she is here. can you guys hang out anywhere else, or at least hang in your own room more?"

However he is probably not going to change and neither is she. It's kind of a no win for you unless they respect your wishes more.

Exactly. That's why he has to move out or they move out. Even if he talks to them they might change for a short time but it's going to go back to status quo eventually. The gf paying for rent or utilities is exactly what the op doesn't want because then he'll officially have a third roommate.

 

[Gooberlx2]

The very first reply had it (somewhat in jest): "Stance of dominance"

Assuming she's not eating your food or wasting copious amounts of water when she showers, hijacking common space is really the only valid complaint you have. However, the only one really putting yourself out is you. Watching TV? The living room is yours. Feel free to watch in your boxers and fart in her presence. The same goes for mostly everything else (no need to be uncouth). They don't have a right to interrupt your activities, so don't feel obligated to surrender them.

The other issue is that from their perspective, they might just be taking advantage of your absence, since you've established a pattern of leaving. They may not realize you're leaving because of them.

If all that + discussing it with your roomie doesn't improve things, or actually causes tensions instead, then it's not meant to be and start looking for a new place to live.

 

[ShawnD1]

Assuming she's not eating your food or wasting copious amounts of water when she showers, hijacking common space is really the only valid complaint you have. However, the only one really putting yourself out is you. Watching TV? The living room is yours. Feel free to watch in your boxers and fart in her presence. The same goes for mostly everything else (no need to be uncouth). They don't have a right to interrupt your activities, so don't feel obligated to surrender them.

The other issue is that from they're perspective, they might just be taking advantage of your absence, since you've established a pattern of leaving. They may not realize you're leaving because of them.

It's entirely possible that the OP already does smell really bad and pass gas in their presence. When they noticed that he leaves when she comes over, they decided it was a good idea for her to come over every night :awe:

 

[Perknose]

Let me get this straight... you were the one who moved in, and he was already living there correct? You also have only been there 7 months, yet he's been seeing this girl for 3 years correct? This is all stuff you said in your OP so I'm assuming it's right.

I came in here to note all this. OP, are you telling us that you moved in w/o knowing the situation that had been going on for more than 2 years already?

Then you didn't do your due diligence up front, and it does change the dynamic about what you can demand/expect, to some real life extent.

Either talk to the guy about it or move out. I really don't see the difficulty here.

And THIS is the answer, as it always and ever is. Just, OP, approach your roomie in a non-attacking manner but also in a non-wimpy manner. You have a legitimate case. Go make it!

 

[Perknose]

In my room mate days, one of them had a gf that started to spend a little too much time there. Here are some of the situations I came across:

1. When she would come over, they would cook together and then not clean the kitchen. My room mate doesnt cook, so he hardly uses the kitchen. But when she was over, the kitchen would get trashed and then not get cleaned. They would go nap or go out after using the kitchen. I asked him to keep the kitchen area clean but my words went on deaf ears. So when I would come home from work and see the kitchen dirty, it would mean that they had just cooked. I needed to cook myself dinner, but I shouldn't have to clean their mess first. So I just went into the fridge and helped myself to their food. Even if it was the last of what they had cooked, I would still finish it. I would clean my dishes and put them in the dishwasher and leave their mess alone. Later when my room mate would go looking for the food they made, I'd tell him I ate it and explain that the kitchen was unusable until it is cleaned. And since I won't cook in a filthy kitchen, any food is fair game.

2. I also stayed in my room alot when they occupied the living room and eventually I started too resent this. I shouldn't have to feel trapped or uncomfortable in my own place. So I started walking around in my boxers. I would cook, clean, eat in just boxers. She would see me and get uncomfortable and eventually my room mate asked me to put on clothes. I countered by saying that what Im wearing is no different that if we were at the beach and this is what I always did prior to her visiting. Eventually, they started to spend much more time in his room with the door shut.

3. This room mate had the annoying tendency that when his gf was over, he would ignore cleaning so to spend more time with her. One time he left this huge skid mark inside the toilet, I guess from flushing a giant turd. Which is the reason we have a toilet brush, to erase the skid mark after you flush. So I went to him and asked him if he saw the huge skid mark in the toilet that his gf left? ;-) I knew it was him but needed to find a way to embarrass him into cleaning it. I also asked him about it in a tone of voice where his gf would hear it and know she got blamed. Later on I heard her giving him crap that she got blamed for his stain. Well after that, he doesn't do that anymore and eventually started cleaning up.

I could tell many stories like this but this is all I can remember now... You just have to be on top of things from the beginning.

:thumbsup:

 

[NetWareHead]

Um, no. If you've been living in a place, you invite someone else to be your roommate, you've been going out with someone for 3 years prior to that, they can come over whenever the hell you want them to. Got a problem with it? Tough fucking deal.

The fact that the room mate pays rent trumps the fact that they have been together for three years. Money talks and the GF is not on the lease or pays rent. You also don't "invite" someone to be a room mate like you invite company over to your house. A room mate has as much say in the affairs of the house as the original tenant once it become official on the lease and rent payments are made. How is any of this ok in your mind?

 

[simonizor]

I don't understand why you have to be spitefull towards them. They are doing what people who are in a relationship do: spend time together. They aren't doing anything that shound bother you. If you're not comfortable around them, that's not their fault. It's starting to sound more and more like you're just jealous.

The fact that the room mate pays rent trumps the fact that they have been together for three years. Money talks and the GF is not on the lease or pays rent. You also don't "invite" someone to be a room mate like you invite company over to your house. A room mate has as much say in the affairs of the house as the original tenant once it become official on the lease and rent payments are made. How is any of this ok in your mind?

Most leases contain something that states how many days guests are allowed to stay over in a row. As long as he's not breaching that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. The OP's roommate is fully within his rights to have his gf there when he is there (probably even when he's not unless it states otherwise in the lease), and have her stay over as long as the lease states he can.

 

[InflatableBuddha]

I don't see why you can't walk around in your boxers.

If it's bothering you so much, either talk to him, move out, or find ways to make it uncomfortable for her to be there. Seems like right now she's too comfortable being around your place, change a few things and I bet your roommate will be spending more time over at her place.

Jeebus Christ this is simple: Threesome.

:thumbsup: All of these.

 

[Cookie]

***Start 'dating' a crazy chick and invite her over all the time. Make sure she is really psycho so your roommate complains within a week or two. The fatter and uglier the better if you are in a hurry, especially if she walks around the house in a towel after her shower. Tell him you will not bring your 'gf' over as much anymore if he does the same.


*** dangerous side effects may occur.

 

[NetWareHead]

Most leases contain something that states how many days guests are allowed to stay over in a row. As long as he's not breaching that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. The OP's roommate is fully within his rights to have his gf there when he is there (probably even when he's not unless it states otherwise in the lease), and have her stay over as long as the lease states he can.

Rights? Just because something is ok as per a lease contract still does not make it ok. Sure the roommate can have company. But this IMHO is taking advantage of the situation and intruding on the OP's comfort space. What the OP is describing is a guest who has turned into an unofficial third roommate. A roommate who pays no rent or utilities and takes up space in the apartment. If three people live there, regardless of who is official or not, costs need to be split 3 ways. If I were in the OP's shoes, I'd be raising hell. Especially giving her a key is crossing the line.

 

[brandonb]

I don't understand why you have to be spitefull towards them. They are doing what people who are in a relationship do: spend time together. They aren't doing anything that shound bother you. If you're not comfortable around them, that's not their fault. It's starting to sound more and more like you're just jealous.


Most leases contain something that states how many days guests are allowed to stay over in a row. As long as he's not breaching that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. The OP's roommate is fully within his rights to have his gf there when he is there (probably even when he's not unless it states otherwise in the lease), and have her stay over as long as the lease states he can.

Are you really that dense?

Who cares what the lease says with the landlord. The rules of the house have changed, and they are not what they agreed upon when living together. If I was going to move in with someone and they said "I work 8-5, and only go out on Friday night, so it should be quiet most of the week except Friday night when I come home from the bar..." and that was agreed and acceptable to both parties, then the douche goes out drinking every night and comes home drunk and plays his Beastie Boys CD's until 2am in the morning, that is obviously a breach of contract.

Just like having your Girlfriend over every single night and stay every single day is her living there... And that was not part of original arrangement. The guy is roomates with said guy, not roommates with said guy and said girl.

 

[RbSX]

Um, no. If you've been living in a place, you invite someone else to be your roommate, you've been going out with someone for 3 years prior to that, they can come over whenever the hell you want them to. Got a problem with it? Tough fucking deal.

I wasn't invited buddy. I found the ad on craigslist, turned out he was an aquaintance of a couple of my friends and was not aware of the situation.

Anyways, it kind of hit a head last night when she came over and they started playing around on their guitars at around 11:00 when I was asleep and woke me up.

Gonna have to have a chat with him today.

Edit: For everyone who's bringing up the bills and stuff, I don't give a shit about a few dollars, it's not a big deal about the electrical or any of that shit.

For the record, I did NOT know about this guys girlfriend before moving in, or the fact that she would spend consecutive days over here, or that she had a key.

 

[RbSX]

you're being a little unreasonable... I mean, the shower thing? really?

if I sleep over somewhere, whether it's a friend's house or my boyfriend's house, chances are good that I'm going to shower the next morning, unless I'm rushing out the door and don't have time.

she's his girlfriend, they've been dating for 3 years, and you're the one who moved in with him. it should be accepted that she's going to be spending time over there.

that said, if it's an excessive amount of time, just talk to your roommate about it and see if you can work out a compromise.

or just move into your own place.

The problem is that she treats our place as if it is her place.. and it's not. Period. End of discussion.

 

[RbSX]

Get over yourself. It's his gf, he's paying his half of the rent, he can have whoever the fuck over he wants, he can give a copy of his key to whoever the fuck he wants, he can have whoever the fuck he wants stay over night, he can have whoever the fuck he wants use the shower, he can have whoever the fuck he wants do pretty much anything other than touch your stuff.

Got a problem with it? Move out or get the fuck over it. There's nothing you can do, legally or morally. It's YOU who is the problem here.

Actually he can't bro. Go back to your backwater town in uncivilized wisconsin, don't you have some unions to be beating down?

 

[Macamus Prime]

She is entitled to the space as much as whoever you invite over is.

Also, I am not sure why you would never get to use the 46 inch TV. The living room is public space. So, use it whenever you need to. If they bitch about watching their shows, tell them you bought the TV and you are more than happy to share it, but not when it means you miss your shows.

Plus, it looks like you are over thinking the "situation". There really isn't a situation. Even if they are playing guitars at 11pm - you just confront them right there and then.

You may feel they are walking all over you, but I am under the impression that you haven't said anything (or much) so far.

 

[simonizor]

I can tell that most of the people posting in this thread do not have gfs...

 

[RbSX]

I can tell that most of the people posting in this thread do not have gfs...

If a guy has his girlfriend over 5 nights a week they should be living together.